How to disengage gracefully

[jab1023]

Hi all,

 

I've come here for advice on a troubling situation. I met a woman from the Philippines (I'm in the USA) on a chat site. We then chatted on a messenger service, she was looking for someone to talk to while she waited at an airport. We chatted for only 15-20 min.

 

Last night she messaged me out of the blue, weeks after our first convo. I was feeling a little frisky and turned on, and we ended up flirting for basically five hours. We've showered each other with compliments, and we both must crave and need the attention. She calls me baby etc.

 

The bad thing is, she sounds in love with me, and I don't feel the same. I wasn't leading her on on purpose, but I liked that vs he thought I was hot, because it turned me on. She messaged again briefly telling me not to go looking for other women online. I said I wouldn't but now feel guilty about the whole thing. I'm 26 and have been dateless all my life, so I liked the attention and potential sexual release(sent only non sexual pics though)

 

I'm also super busy. I'm a full time student in my last semester of college, and I work 30-36 hours a week.

 

I think she's looking for a husband, but I was just turned on and flirty and now it's gotten out of hand.

 

I'm looking to slowly pull out of this without crushing her. I don't want to make it worse than it already is, because she's sweet and cute, but I think she's a little too attached now.

 

How can I handle this?

 

[laaddict]

There is no way to slowly pull out.

 

Just yank it off and let her know.

 

If you cant think of something to say, here:

"I feel like you want a relationship, I am not looking for a relationship, I am looking for fun and nothing else."

 

DO NOT apologize, BE the jerk, she will be better off. The more she thinks you are a bad person, the better off she will be. If she sticks around and begs for attention, then she is practically asking for pain and hurt. That would be a psychological problem, which you can not fix. The sooner you let her know and the less you make yourself to be a good guy, the better off she is (if she has any sense).

[CC12]

You are way overthinking this.

 

She's not in love with you, dude. She's never even met you in person and your entire relationship consists of a few hours of online chats.

 

So you flirted with her. That doesn't mean you have some sort of obligation to marry her or even do the formal "breaking up" thing. Just stop answering her messages. Or if you really want to be thorough, you can just tell her that you can't continue messaging her. No need to give a reason. She's a stranger and it's none of her business.

 

Just move on, and next time don't place so much importance on some words typed into a computer. Except for the words I just typed. Pay attention to those.

[Teknoe]

I echo the others. You're way overthinking this. You can either tell her straight up, or ignore/be non-responsive to her. Eventually, she'll get the hint. It just depends on your style.

 

I mean, you never met her in real life right? C'mon man... you can block or straight up ignore her. It's much tougher weeding out someone you know in real life (which I had to do not too long ago)

[TaraMaiden]

"We have to stop this, my wife is getting jealous, and my little girl wants to play her games on this computer....."

 

See.... the "wonder" of the internet is that actually, we can be anything we like.....

[jab1023]

I echo the others. You're way overthinking this. You can either tell her straight up, or ignore/be non-responsive to her. Eventually, she'll get the hint. It just depends on your style.

 

I mean, you never met her in real life right? C'mon man... you can block or straight up ignore her. It's much tougher weeding out someone you know in real life (which I had to do not too long ago)

 

Thanks,

 

I ended up just straight blocking her.