Hook up rejected. Why?

[harcourt]

I've browsed Loveshack for several years, and only now have felt inclined to post (although I've faced far more pressing issues than this in the interim). So, here goes:

 

I was stuck on a five-year stint of one-itis with a guy until this past July. Getting over that was incredibly freeing. After that epiphany, I began to see the beauty in several men who before I wouldn't have given a second thought to, no matter how attractive to charismatic (I was totally head ****ed).

 

I met a guy in September who lives in my neighborhood by chance, and I found him to be sweet and cute (we're both 29 and share a group of friends in common). He's a bartender, and he invited me to hang out when he we working for free drinks. Even though I thought he was attractive, I wasn't overly attracted to him. I hung out with him later that week, mostly due to the free drink offer, and stuck up a nice conversation with him. I returned the next week with a friend, and drank with my friend rather than interrupting him at work.

 

Two week later, I was out with another group of friends in the city, and our dinner ended around midnight. Since his bar was close by, I thought I'd stop by hang out for a bit (Aside: I saw him earlier that day and told him I might swing by later. I usually see him around our neighborhood at least once or twice a week). When it started to get even later, I figured that I would just stay until he closed around 3 or 4 so that we could share a taxi home rather than me taking the train at that hour. When we entered the taxi, we cuddled together instinctively and he asked me if I wouldn't mind hooking up with him. I didn't. So we proceeded to have a heavy make out session while he fingered me. Three fourths of the way home, he stopped, said he was feeling woozy from all that he had to drink that night, and said that we'd have to finish what we started later. I didn't understand why he stopped so abruptly when it was he who suggested the hook up, but whatever. I continued home.

 

The following day I fell ill and didn't see him for another 8 days. When I did, I was still a tad ill and not in the best of spirits. A week after that, I returned to the bar (the fourth and last time), again because I was in the city and close by. When I saw him, he was noticeably distant. He hooked up with another girl briefly that night (I know because she told me) and she wasn't that attractive. I wasn't offended because it wasn't done in front of me, nor does he owe me anything. I left after a short while, pretty much swearing off showing up like that ever again.

 

I periodically saw him on and off in passing throughout the month of October. A mutual friend and I threw a party at his place (also the home of his roommates who I've known longer) on Tuesday. I wanted to ask him why things have been weird between us, but I was too incoherent for that talk at the moment.

 

Yesterday, I unexpectedly found myself back at their place watching the game with said friend. I managed to get him alone for a minute to tell him that I didn't want things to be weird. He said he was fine and that we're cool. I then mentioned that I wanted to hook up again at some point, to which he didn't answer.

 

Now, I'm not a delicate flower. I like definitive responses. I can take silence as a no, but I would appreciate an actual "no" of some variety. As I was leaving, I said, "you didn't answer my question," to which he replied, "I know. I'll text you," casually.

 

It's so interesting, how I thought I was dealing with a nice guy for once, only to discover that he's a player. I'm fine with that, I just don't understand why he won't just come out and give me a yes or no response regarding getting together again. And if no, why no? I'm still unsure as to why we didn't go all the way the first time.

 

I've turned a new leaf in that, as my friends call it, "If you see something, say something." That is, asking a dude directly for a hook up, date, whatever; no waiting idly by. I want to continue this approach, but am I just causing more damage to myself?