Dated once. Got friend zoned.

[senas33]

So It may be a lost cause since she has dropped me in the friend zone. She is a very nice woman I have met on a dating site, she also knows a few of my close family members before we started talking. That helped a lot. She hasn't dated in several years, she focused on school and her son.

 

Well things were looking bright. She wanted to move slow, due to her being nervous jumping back into a relationship lifestyle. We spoke for about a month, and then we met up. I was definitely interested in her and I can tell she was as well. We planned to see each other next week. So I text her that she should focus on her work and we can reschedule, which she agreed..She's been stressing out lately due to a promotion.

 

So it's next week and so asked if I had any plans for weekend, which I said the dumbest thing. "If I was your boyfriend, would I see you every other week?..Because I don't think this is realistic"

 

Her: We barely know each other, and you're already saying were boyfriend and girlfriend? You're really rushing things..

 

Me: No I was talking as a metaphor

 

Her: *ignores me for a few days*

 

Me: well I'm not going to bother you anymore, have a good career.

 

She says nothing, until I FB her a message, telling her that I'm going back to school ect.

 

Here is her message to me:

 

I do not think you deserve the silent treatment. You are a great guy and deserve to hear what I'm thinking. At this time we should just be friends. I am a mother and I can not afford the games and unsurness(not a word) that you have sometimes. I really like you and I think in a year, we can try again. If were both single and are ready to have a good weekend.(Her sons father played with her head basically).

 

So I thought you deserved the truth and not silence, so yes I want to be your friend. So in a year or so when your a little more ready and available we can try, but I think we should be friends. I can not give you want you what you're looking for right now, sorry... I still want to be friends. Your are a really nice guy.

 

Well what do you think? Sorry for the long message

[todreaminblue]

So It may be a lost cause since she has dropped me in the friend zone. She is a very nice woman I have met on a dating site, she also knows a few of my close family members before we started talking. That helped a lot. She hasn't dated in several years, she focused on school and her son.

 

Well things were looking bright. She wanted to move slow, due to her being nervous jumping back into a relationship lifestyle. We spoke for about a month, and then we met up. I was definitely interested in her and I can tell she was as well. We planned to see each other next week. So I text her that she should focus on her work and we can reschedule, which she agreed..She's been stressing out lately due to a promotion.

 

So it's next week and so asked if I had any plans for weekend, which I said the dumbest thing. "If I was your boyfriend, would I see you every other week?..Because I don't think this is realistic"

 

Her: We barely know each other, and you're already saying were boyfriend and girlfriend? You're really rushing things..

 

Me: No I was talking as a metaphor

 

Her: *ignores me for a few days*

 

Me: well I'm not going to bother you anymore, have a good career.

 

She says nothing, until I FB her a message, telling her that I'm going back to school ect.

 

Here is her message to me:

 

I do not think you deserve the silent treatment. You are a great guy and deserve to hear what I'm thinking. At this time we should just be friends. I am a mother and I can not afford the games and unsurness(not a word) that you have sometimes. I really like you and I think in a year, we can try again. If were both single and are ready to have a good weekend.(Her sons father played with her head basically).

 

So I thought you deserved the truth and not silence, so yes I want to be your friend. So in a year or so when your a little more ready and available we can try, but I think we should be friends. I can not give you want you what you're looking for right now, sorry... I still want to be friends. Your are a really nice guy.

 

Well what do you think? Sorry for the long message

 

 

Guys think being friend zoned is a bad thing..oh no not the friend zone..maybe with some girls but not with others...i think casual sex and bonking is more destructive....i friend zone potential dates...i havent dated all guys in a friend zone...i only date one at a time.......befriending a male is a way for them to know a girl and for the girl to know them and see what develops....when i have dated from my friend zone i am exclusive....i dont understand why guys balk at friend zones....casual sex relationships are the ones that dont go anywhere.....i feel for you.....from dating to friend zone.....when you thought it was going ok....she obviously still has some issues......i guess it depends on how much you like this girl....you may not stay in the friend zone long before she decided to take it further its impossibel to tell.....head games are destructive....normally abuse comes in with head games....so taking it slow is maybe the way she makes sure you arent that way......i actually dont date until i feel i am ready to date ....made a few mistakes in this department.....but being scared i something i still have to face......i am a single mother too and i have to consider my family....luckily i have a supportive tribe and they want to see me happy and the only concern they have is i invest a lot of myself .....they dont want me to get hurt.......neither do i ..nor woudl i consider hurting anyone...i am in a good place as far as that goes....its taken me years to be ready to date....doesn't stop the fear of the unknown though...it is all up to you what you are willing to have with your lady friend and how slow you are willing to go ....is she worth it????? do you feel that she is....then you have your answer.......most single mothers cant afford to play games that is always a given whether they have been head gamed or not..games are for kids...best of luck......deb

[senas33]

Guys think being friend zoned is a bad thing..oh no not the friend zone..maybe with some girls but not with others...i think casual sex and bonking is more destructive....i friend zone potential dates...i havent dated all guys in a friend zone...i only date one at a time.......befriending a male is a way for them to know a girl and for the girl to know them and see what develops....when i have dated from my friend zone i am exclusive....i dont understand why guys balk at friend zones....casual sex relationships are the ones that dont go anywhere.....i feel for you.....from dating to friend zone.....when you thought it was going ok....she obviously still has some issues......i guess it depends on how much you like this girl....you may not stay in the friend zone long before she decided to take it further its impossibel to tell.....head games are destructive....normally abuse comes in with head games....so taking it slow is maybe the way she makes sure you arent that way......i actually dont date until i feel i am ready to date ....made a few mistakes in this department.....but being scared i something i still have to face......i am a single mother too and i have to consider my family....luckily i have a supportive tribe and they want to see me happy and the only concern they have is i invest a lot of myself .....they dont want me to get hurt.......neither do i ..nor woudl i consider hurting anyone...i am in a good place as far as that goes....its taken me years to be ready to date....doesn't stop the fear of the unknown though...it is all up to you what you are willing to have with your lady friend and how slow you are willing to go ....is she worth it????? do you feel that she is....then you have your answer.......most single mothers cant afford to play games that is always a given whether they have been head gamed or not..games are for kids...best of luck......deb

 

Thanks for your reply! Yes I really cate about her.. she gave me two chances and then three strikes I'm out.. for being unsure. When I asked her if she had any plans next weekend? She replies "we are just friends".. then I say as friends. She didn't say anything. Basically let's be friends, but never interact or hang out. This was about two days ago. One of my family members know her and she told me she's very suspicious about men. She has even told me herself she gets really nervous.. It's been 7 years, I was her first date since then.

Edited October 15, 2012 by senas33

[Enema]

I think you should ignore the poster above.

 

In short - Yeah, you screwed up with those messages and spooked her. It sounds like she's got a big basket full of issues so you did yourself a favour.

 

I wouldn't even bother being friends. Just say, "Thanks for your honesty. I'm not looking for more friends but I appreciate you not leaving me hanging. See you around."

 

Then, delete.

Edited October 16, 2012 by Enema

[gamman]

senas33 -- Enema is giving you shrewd advice. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't over-analyze it. This lady definitely has some issues going on. Her last response to you is bizarre. Enema gave a great way to respond, just say, "Thanks for your honesty. I'm not looking for more friends but I appreciate you not leaving me hanging. See you around." Do that.

[crude]

Maybe we should include the word "acquaintance" in the mix. There are many different shades of friends, from casual to friends with benefits. Sounds like acquaintance would be better for your mental health.

[senas33]

Maybe we should include the word "acquaintance" in the mix. There are many different shades of friends, from casual to friends with benefits. Sounds like acquaintance would be better for your mental health.

 

Haha, funny.. not! It's cool I'm over it. Whether she wants to admit it or not. She was playing games. I have to remember "Never put the pussy on the pedestal". I have another girl I'm talking to, but she's already saying.. I love you. I like a challenge.

 

I'm definitely going to use that line above this doofus'.. give me the upper hand. Thanks!

[carhill]

In the future, presuming proximity, don't back and forth for a month prior to meeting. You can accomplish that whole month's worth of 'stuff' in ten seconds upon meeting, with regard to the chemistry required for a romantic relationship. Don't kid yourself that she was chaste and celibate during that month. The chances of that are exceedingly remote.

 

I wouldn't even respond to her, based upon the arrogance of this statement:

So in a year or so when you're a little more ready and available we can try, but I think we should be friends.

 

Done. Next.

[senas33]

In the future, presuming proximity, don't back and forth for a month prior to meeting. You can accomplish that whole month's worth of 'stuff' in ten seconds upon meeting, with regard to the chemistry required for a romantic relationship. Don't kid yourself that she was chaste and celibate during that month. The chances of that are exceedingly remote.

 

I wouldn't even respond to her, based upon the arrogance of this statement:

So in a year or so when you're a little more ready and available we can try, but I think we should be friends.

 

Done. Next.

 

Yea I'm definitely done. She did us both a favor. I was wasting too much time on her.. I'll never do that again. Even her close friends were siding with me, and they haven't even met me. She has a lot of issues, and she basically put the blame on me to get out of it.. she's a mess.