bambia Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) I have read so many posts from ow and for many the relationship with the mm is extremely intense. Why?? Something you can never have? The man is often so lonely he opens up and reveals things he has never told anyone else which in turn makes you open up and become vunerable? Edited September 9, 2012 by bambia spelling Link to post Share on other sites
LaCurieuse Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Good question. It is true in my experience that you end up sharing deep things, and bearing your soul, which creates a powerfully strong bond. I wonder if it is in part because they feel so awful lying to their partner, that it makes them be that much more honest with you. I suppose all relationships vary, but this has been my case. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I have read so many posts from ow and for many the relationship with the mm is extremely intense. Why?? Something you can never have? The man is often so lonely he opens up and reveals things he has never told anyone else which in turn makes you open up and become vunerable? The nature of the relationship being secret itself leads to a heightened maybe false sense of intimacy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 The nature of the relationship being secret itself leads to a heightened maybe false sense of intimacy. There is a lot of scientific research that supports the intermittent reward response heightens hormonal gratifications......very similiar to all addictions. In layman's terms: We always desire MORE that which we cannot have all day. every day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherRound Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Interesting question. I've seen some theories on it, but they all seem to point to the secrecy. That wasn't true for me in my A. Mine wasn't secret at all. We went out together, shared friends, went away together, etc. We weren't being "secret" at all, so it wasn't that for us. I think that sometimes, you just meet someone that you have a very intense chemical and subconscious attraction to. Not just physically and sexually, but also emotionally. And for me and exMM, we talked far more than we had sex. Probably 10x more talking than sex. That bonds people, communicating openly and without walls. I have only felt that kind of connection with one other person in my life... my exH. I loved him dearly, but we just weren't a good match, and he went outside the marriage, and we ended the M. But in all my life, only 2 people? That's a pretty small amount of people considering I have met thousands of people through several college degrees and moving around the US. So, my opinion is, there is something almost primal about the attraction. It wasn't the secrecy, or that I couldn't "have" him (I did "have" him in ways that I wanted him), it was just about us, as two people who clicked in a huge way. When you meet someone like that in your life, you know it, immediately. The draw to them and from them is insane. If exMM and I didn't see each other for months, even a year, and we ended up in the same place... it was like we knew the other was there, and beelined. It was something that I could never figure out, it just... was. We weren't neglected of time together, we weren't in secret... we just couldn't get enough of one another. I actually have an Aunt and Uncle who have been married for like 40 years, and they are like this. It's amazing to see, and I'm glad that they married each other and found each other so early in life. They are the epitome of what I think a relationship should be. They are drawn to each other in every way, and have eyes for nobody else. Nothing could come between them, that I'm sure of. Not that they never argue or disagree or whatever, of course they do, but at the end of the day, they want only each other. It's palpable. I think that's what exMM and I had. I had that to an extent with my exH, but it wasn't as much. I think a lot of times, as a society, we marry someone who we are "okay" with bc we have time limits. Child bearing years, and all that included. And it seems so rare that people meet those other people that would be that draw for them, and if they do, they have already 'settled' for something far less compatible. My exH went on to find someone that was this for him, and I'm glad for him. He is now very happy and in love, and I'm happy about that. He was lucky in that when they met, they were both single and available. As often, it doesn't work that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Our's was intense in the beginning but honestly it has continued to be pretty intense years later after EMR, S/D, etc. Nothing compares to the first few months but that is pretty typical of all relationships. But even living with him, every time we make eye contact, I can't help but grin. The man just makes me giddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 For me, the LDR aspect helped to keep things super-hot. In terms of more intense, yes it was that for me. I think some of the reason was the fact that the connection and the relationship was totally unsolicited and unexpected. I wasn't looking for anyone and so it was a bolt from the blue. I gauged things differently because there was no date 1, date 2, type progress. That gives it a slightly more emotional, exciting tinge I think. Link to post Share on other sites
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