truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Hi, Ok So I'm 25, She's 29 (psychologist) We know each other quite a long time, have a lot of common friends and we always had a click without seeing each other something more than friends. But ok, 1 or 2 months we started to see each other more frequently and we started to feel a sort of emotional connection... Before we knew what was going on, we we're texting all day, emailing, chatting on facebook, calling and off course seeing each other a lot. I looked we were getting addicted to each other... We were ignoring that we were in love but after some weeks that seemed impossible. I was the first to admit it but she was the first one to initiate almost everything ( inviting me to her house in the middle of the night, late night phone calls, talking about what we have, started to kiss me, started to hug me, started to inviting me every night, started to ask me to sleep over, talking about me with her friends, family, ....) At some point it was impossible for her to ignore she was crazy in love with me, there's nothing in me that doubts about that... She looks happier than ever! We can talk about everything (maybe even about too much :-)) we're very honest and I have to say... The sex we have is the best I ever had ( and from what she says and does, it looks like she thinks the same) Bu for some reason each 2 or 3 days, she starts to panic that things get too serious and she says she's afraid to hurt me... I always try to tell her that this is just the beginning and she doesn't have to worry now about the future... The strangest thing is that she tells all her friends and even all of her family that she has never been happier. SOmetimes she says it's going too fast, while i was always the patient one and she was the one who initiates almost everything... I really like this woman, she means a lot to me, but I want to do everything to take her panic away. Maybe it isn't the easy-est way but I wouldn't like her this much if she wasn't who she's now and her panic is just something I want to deal with. What do you guys think? Does someone recognize this form of fear to commit? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) Apart from the panic, does she ever do anything weird? Does she ever get angry or silent for no reason? Does she over-react when you feel you haven't done anything wrong? Would you say she is impulsive? Does she appear to have mood swings? Edited September 3, 2012 by Emilia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 Well one day/moment she has these real panic-moments and the other moment she's extremely in love... but It's not that she's sometimes depressed or anything like that... I know she also panics alot about what our friends will think, Especially because we know we're not good in showing our feelings in public... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Well one day/moment she has these real panic-moments and the other moment she's extremely in love... but It's not that she's sometimes depressed or anything like that... What I'm getting at is how does this panic manifest itself? What does she do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 it's not dramatic she just starts to panic, takes a little bit distance from me Then she starts saying she doesn't understand herself and she doesn't know why she's in panic because she knows I make her happy and we connect very well on every way and then she tells she hates herself because she tells me things like that Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 How does she deal with the distance. Does she go quiet? Are there times when she doesn't reply to your texts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 That's the most crazy thing... She replies all the time... Most of the days we send more than 100 messages She Always replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 So how do you know there is a distance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 A different look in her eyes,another way of talking... at night she can't stop being very close to me... in the morning it's different she also says she's in panic again... she's very honest Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Is her mood quite steady otherwise? Or does she get down about stuff, does she get negative much? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 she 's quite emotional but not manic I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 she allready had two serious relationships ( me too) I think she was really disappointed in love after her last one She says it's totally different with me... that i make her happy that i make her laugh that i give her compliments She isn't used to that Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 As long as you the two of you communicate well enough I think it's just a matter of time for her to get used to you. The worry starts when you can't communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 we communicate very well.. almost too good... we really tell everything... that's really strange Do you think it can be just the fact that she has to get used to me? I know she's also worrying about what our friends will think... not that that would ever be THE reason to stop whatever we have now It's just that we have the same friends and she's a bit scared of their judgement ( while I think everyone's gonna be excited...) Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 What could be your friend's problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 she thinks it strange that's she doubts the relationship while I think it's normal because she is hurt in her previous relationship and she's on an age when starting a relationship requires more consideration than when you're 18.. She says she's scared that it's beautifull now but that she (or me, i don't know) is gonna wake up someday and the feeling would be gone Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Sorry, a typo on my part: I meant 'what could be your friends' problem?' Why do you think she is concerned about your friends' views? Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 i don't think there's gonna be a problem maybe one or two gonna thinks it strange because they know us for so long... Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 It's like she 's scared that it's going too fast while she's the one who wants to define everything and she wants to know if it's "for real" or not. Link to post Share on other sites
alysamartin001 Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Good communication is base of any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truffelo Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 We both come out of a long relationship (mine ended in march this year after 6 years, hers ended in december 2010 after 4 years and she hasn't had another relationship after that) When we were younger, we hadn't this many worries... is this because of our context (age, past relationships) or is this because one of us doubts his/her feelings to the other one? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 It's because she appears to be emotionally unstable. However as she keeps communicating with you, the odds are she will calm down eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
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