pseudosauce Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Hello, everyone, longtime lurker, first time poster here: I entered into a relationship in December of last year, and everything went satisfactorily. About three months in tragedy struck, and his father was diagnosed with cancer. Fast forward, and his father is now in hospice, and will pass away any day now. My s/o has been understandably depressed, and everyone handles their parents mortality in their own way, but he feels, and has told me, that at times I am not as supportive as he would like me to be. Now this can manifest itself in him being dissatisfied with my tone of voice on the phone (he imagining I'm not as engaged in the conversation as I could be), or outright telling me that I need to "grow up and be more supportive". Therein lies one of our issues as I am 8 years younger than him (I'm 24, he's 32) and there are obviously many layers to the issue, but I am having issues of my own (possible serious chronic illness, issues with living situation, etc) which he would normally be very supportive of, but "towards the end" has become a sticking point ("oh yeah? you have problems with xyz? Well my dad's dying"). I also have debilitating anxiety problems that must go unmedicated due to drug interaction issues. I have attempted to express to him that there is only so much I can handle at one time, and I still see him as much as I did toward the beginning of the relationship, I just cannot handle seeing him additional time on a consistent basis. What I would like to be advised on is where does my obligation to him end? I know when the terrible inevitable happens he will be, understandably, extraordinarily depressed (he is prone to extended bouts even in reaction to difficult events, ie the end of his previous relationship triggered over a year-long episode). I wish I was a stronger person, but I'm not, I can only do so much, and I will try my hardest, but would I be a terrible person for having to walk away for my own mental health? Does anyone else have experience with this? As previously stated, I have lurked this forum for a long time, I've noticed an upswing in male posters, and there is the ubiquitous female perspective, any and all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks! (and sorry for the overuse of parenthesis).
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