Loz 56 Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I feel so lonely, this is hard for me because I never knew how trying to put your feelings into words as I have never done this before but I don't know who else to talk to. I am tired of feeling sad and lonely... I am 18 I want to live my life without worries or any concerns but I feel that so many people are holding me back because I feel like I'm living life to please them and make them happy... But it feels like no one cares about my happiness I want to go out and live my life with friends but everyone is always doing there own thing with their boyfriends or other friends or something. Its frusturating! Part of me wants to leave and live in some other country so I can do my own thing but I know I would just be running away and wouldn't be solving anything. I hate how some people put relationships before their friends... I am in love with this guy who couldn't give a **** about me... I mean generally he is a good guy and I would still value my friendship with hi But it's clear he doesn't feel the same way and I respect that but I know I need to move on with my life- but how? I've liked him for like 5 years My parents are no longer together which has gotten to me as well though I have tried my hardest to be as strong as I can be... Part of me would love a relationship as well because I love the thought of someone being around... Though I want to learn how to be strong enough and ready for a proper relationship I want to move forward with my life... I want to live my life and enjoy it please tell me what I need to do and please help me I hate this feeling and want to be happier! I'm tired of living and being my boring usual self.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 you must feel awful, and there's so much going on here... you envy your friends because of their relationships.... you're truly suffering from unrequited love.... you are a people-pleaser (chiefly, i would say, because you want people to like you and accept you as a really good buddy) and you have the anxiety and all associated feelings, with your parents' divorce. life's a damn bitch, huh? you're so young. And i'm not being patronising, but it's a lot for young shoulders to have to carry. I believe you need to talk to someone about depression, because i think you're suffering from it, and also have a word with your doctor about one-to-one personal counselling. the sadness you feel about your parents' divorce is colouring your attitudes to other factors in life, because you're living in it all the time, and I suspect has been affecting you all the way through their fall-out.... Counselling will also help you to become more confident and not be such a people-pleaser... this is a sign of low self-esteem - but that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's great that you recognise your tendency....it's definitely a good step in the right direction; if you see a problem and recognise it's holding you back, that's an enormous thing.... please - see a doctor, and get some professional support. You need it and deserve it. Don't let yourself down - you're worth every bit of yourself to do the best you can, to be the best you can be..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loz 56 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 Thank you for your help! I do need to really do something about this... The only thing is, is that I'm scared because I feel like im in this by myself Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 you feel that way, because you're in the thick of it - but you're not - because, hey! - you told us, and i responded - so already, you have 'back-up'...! Others will reply too, but it depends on time-zones - this forum covers a whole bunch of 'em.... It takes courage to take that first step. but you already took it. You opened up and wrote it down, and reached out. If you can do that - then next step will get easier... being young has both it's down-side and its upside. the downside is that some may think that it's an age thing, you'll get over it, relax, give it time, you're just out of adolescence... and carrying all this crap is difficult for a young person like you... the upside is, that you have caught it early, realised it soon enough - and that you have time to take it easy and develop yourself in the way you choose best. you show maturity and responsibility - so don't let anyone walk all over you. question your motives - and theirs - for you wanting to bend over backwards to please folks. Are they asking you because they take for granted that you'll do whatever it is they're asking you to do? Are they taking advantage? Or do they genuinely need your input? And you - are you complying because you're really quite happy to, you don't mind and are available to help - or because you're scared they won't like you if you say no? Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 As others have pointed out, there's a lot going on in your life right now: * parents divorce * absent friends * unrequainted love I remember being 17 and dealing with this big love thing. We ended up going out but that didn't end so well either. It's one of the most intense and awful feelings. The only thing that helps you get over it is the most annoying thing ever; living life and letting time pass. Slowly...they will fall away and out of your mind. This is already what part of you is telling you to do. You are very young so even if you don't have a relationship now you will have one and just because you're friends are with someone doesn't mean they are any happier or less troubled. We never really know what's going on in other peoples relationships. There isn't much you can do about the divorce accept try to be strong and understand that these things sadly do happen. This too will get easier in time, but I think you need someone to confide in about how this is affecting you, as naturally it will. Take the first step to doing something that will make you happy, even something small. It is that first step that is scariest. Mine was travelling for a month. I burst into tears and had a panic attack at the airport. I was so scared. But fast forward four weeks and I feel I've found a direction. If I can do it, you most certainly can! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loz 56 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 I mostly do things to make others happy because I want them to be happy but sometimes I do really let people walk all over me and it's not really a good thing. And going overseas for a month would be great to get away but just to learn more about myself without people influencing me or making me think differently... Though what do I do about the situation where I want to do things with my friends you know go out and all and have fun.. But none of them want to go they are always busy with their own families or boyfriends? How do I go about it? Sorry may be stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I mostly do things to make others happy because I want them to be happy but sometimes I do really let people walk all over me and it's not really a good thing. And going overseas for a month would be great to get away but just to learn more about myself without people influencing me or making me think differently... Though what do I do about the situation where I want to do things with my friends you know go out and all and have fun.. But none of them want to go they are always busy with their own families or boyfriends? How do I go about it? Sorry may be stupid This is a difficult one and i'm in the same boat. All my friends are quite 'settled' and I've noticed we are growing apart. In general what I do is focus on me and my plans. I've started a few online courses that will benefit me and I want to learn piano. I read a lot and save up my money for travelling. Don't get me wrong, I get pretty lonely and bored, but I try to focus on things that will benefit me and help me grow even if I am alone. So if it's a choice between sitting down and being lonely, or being alone but focusing on something i.e. a book, a course, playing an instrument, writing something - do that. Otherwise, you could join courses i.e. a meditation course, cookery course, sports course, gym, fashion, whatever interests you. You could see how comfortable you feel about doing things alone i.e. see a film, eat a meal, or you could keep instigating things with your friends and see if anything changes there. I really know how you feel. It can suck. I say go for your dream that your heart is telling you to go for and in the meantime try and focus on what can get you there and what will benefit you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 If you have the opportunity to go to college (in a place far away from your hometown), I'd highly recommend it. Just be sure to do your research about which degrees will provide you job opportunities. If you do not have the funds or desire to go to college at this point, have you considered joining the military? Either way, it sounds to me like your assessment that you need to move on may very well be the best answer. I've found that stagnation is the enemy when it comes to being happy. I'm not suggesting that you pack up and join the traveling circus, but now's a good time to start exploring new opportunities and life paths. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loz 56 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Share Posted April 6, 2012 Yeahh I do have to get used to the fact that some times I am going to be by myself and that I need to try new things because everyone is moving on I life and doing there own thing... I am currently studying and are really enjoying my course but we will see what else I can do as I do really want to try new things- though I don't think the military is for me though thank you for the suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
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