Becoming Escorts, a ruined marriage?

[LadySilva]

The Story...

My husband and I had always eyed each other out for as far back as we both can remember.

I was 15 years old when I first saw him and instantly felted "buzzed", by him. I worked in my mom's coffee shop down stairs, from where he worked and would get my daily dose of him whenever he came in to the coffee shop to grab some lunch, which was every day. ;-)

Ten years on, myself being married with a little son of 2 years, and my hubby not married but with the same partner with whom he had two children. Both nearing end of the dead end relationships we were in, bumped into each other and decided to meet up for a coffee date.

The coffee date lasted about 6 hours officially and unofficially, it never did. Moving in together a week later and as the say the rest is history. It's been almost 4 years and not a day has passed that we've been apart. To say we were madly inlove with one another the day we got married (a year after meeting and living together for over 11months ny then)would be the biggest understatement known to man, we were obsessed. glued to the hip as they say.

In hindsight, that was probably the most unhealthy thing to do or way to live should I rather say. But then it felt the only way it should and could be. Our marriage was tough in the beginning, bringing together children from previous relationships is never an easy task, but we did well and raised well balanced little individuals, so much so that after the first year, they were the team and my hubby and I the coaches! ;-)

"We" have never been accepted by his family and eventually, it became the ugly and unecessary situation of him having to choose between his family (namely his mom) and myself, his wife. He stood by me and never once gave it a second thought, I know this killed him. It killed me knowing I was the cause of all the turmoil. Though I'd never truly been given a chance to get to know, except I was written off by them instantly. With my husband's mother siding with his ex, in fear of losing her grandchildren...or so she says.

Both of us being young and dealing with the stresses life I'm sure is only supposed to bring in your late 40's, we got explorative in every aspect, sex, drugs and the works.

Both being sexual beings and open minded, fun, willing to try anything once kinda people. We landed up becoming addicts to a controlled substance and soon lost everything to it, We lost our jobs, home and children basically as my son, went to live by his day(only being six at the time) In 2011, three years after hooking up, I gave birth to our angel daughter. A day before my birthday. We were elated to say the least.

But life was worse than it had ever been, living life actively and regualarly on the outside, we were full blown addicts, living on Methanphetamine. Not being able to go one day with out atleast half a gram between the two of us. having no jobs and a baby to and drug habit to feed, yet still very attractive people, we became,Escorts. Neither quite remember who's idea it was,with me saying it was his, as he loved playing the "fantasy" of a man joining us and/or him just watching. And him saying me, because accordinging to him I've always been promiscuous and needing to have sex with many different men not just being satisfied by him. Either way, we were what we'd become and life just snowballed after that.

Eventually living in B&B's because our credit records were so bad, we couldn't get permanent accommodation and literally lived like gypsy's for amost 9 months of the year we're currently in. Both being extremely jelous to begin with, my hubby allowed his Bi-curious tendancies to only servicing men. Just fooling around no anal or kissing on the mouth, whereas I went the regular Escort route woman take and serviced men. He learned very quickly that he was not "Bi" and indeed very much straight. But carrying on notheless. Due to my insecurities.

I all the while serviced men, I would never normally touch with a ten foot pole. To say what we've done has been soul destroying would be like saying a sunset is ok, maybe pretty.

As you can imagine, we both eventually built up such resentment for the other, with him leaving bacause of my being a "WHORE" as he calls me in arguments and me because through everything we're going through, I cannot fathom his addiction to dating websites, where on his profile, he looks for peronal relationships, one where you chat and get to know each other and soon can choose to meet in person. When all I want in our spare time is "US".

It's at a stage now, where we are physical almost everyday, with me generally landing up bruised and battered, not because his violent, but also because I attack him on occasion too.

He freely goes onto these dating sites, live webcam sessions or live sex chat with members on these things. And simply couldn't be bothere if I yell, scream, beg or cry for him not to.

I get told that I chat to men all day and sleep with them and that it's only fair, that he can now do the same. I don't agree as those men I'm chatting to bring us money, money that feeds him and our child, and money to of course buy more drugs from.

My husband is torn apart by what his having to do with men and on top of it having to see me go off and sleep with other men. And his anger is stopping him from seeing past that.

My torment is having to sleep with men, that make me feel so degraded, I tend to scrub myelf in the shower afterwards. For the first 5 months, I'd go shower straight away, and sit at the bottom of the shower on the tiles weeping. Cleaning myself up before going out so that he never had to see it. As what he was having to do already in my eyes was ****ed up enough. He didn't still need th emotional crap I was going through.

Is this really it...? Can anything be repaired? How do we each release the hurt,blame and shame we have brought onto ourselves,

Or is it finanally time to walk away.?

It's your call, what would you choose, and what do you think is the issue we can't get past?

Who's in the wrong here?

[Des]

If this is for real, there is no way to salvage this. I have no idea why people would think that such a lifestyle would ever in a million years actually work?!? Having a child amongst all of this? Insane.

[insaneinthebrain]

yeah ..... .. its really a bad idea... but you know.. sometimes it does work.

[AHardDaysNight]

yeah ..... .. its really a bad idea... but you know.. sometimes it does work.

 

In what instances does it work?

 

I'm sorry, OP, but you BOTH screwed up. Both of you are in the wrong, and you both need to:

 

A.) get treatment for drug addiction

B.) get treatment for sex addiction

C.) get a divorce

D.) give your daughter up for adoption

 

That is the only way to save your life. You are royally screwed.

[Stung]

OP, you both have screwed up, and you both need to admit it instead of pointing fingers. .

 

The first thing to do is to quit escorting and seek treatment for your drug addiction. Try to get your husband to agree, but you do it whether your husband will also or not. Take your baby to live with a trusted family member while you seek help for yourself, you just can't be an effective good parent while you're on meth. I'm not just regurgitating something I read in a book, here--I have done meth in the past, and I am a parent now. I know.

 

If you and your husband both get drug treatment, then you can hopefully help each other stay clean and start to work on your other issues. It will be really hard to find work in this economic climate with your shoddy work history and poor credit--you need to draw up a plan for how to deal with this that does NOT include escorting, which has obviously been a hurtful path for you. Is there family who will hire you, or who you can live with, as long as you can prove you are clean? Promise you will pee in a cup every week, promise to do whatever it takes to gain their trust so they will help. Look into what social services are available in your area--you might be able to stay in a halfway house, and get free counseling. You might qualify for job assistance.

 

I would advise letting him see inside the pain and degradation that you have felt working as an escort, at that point. Walling him away from your emotional process has been robbing your marriage of intimacy and trust, and that should be addressed--but that's not your highest priority right now, getting clean for your daughter is. Only after that, you should both seek individual counseling to get over the repeated trauma you have inflicted on yourselves and your marriage by pursuing careers in the sex industry which obviously neither of you is emotionally cut out for in any way, and I would advise marriage counseling as well, to learn how to communicate with each other about these issues.

 

IF you can't get yourself clean, I hope you will find the strength to do what is best for that baby and send her to live with her half-siblings. I'm sure that's not an option you want to consider, but please think about what it ultimately best for her. You know it's not growing up with fighting, drug addicted parents. You know, deep down, that you are going to be bad for her, and at this rate you will end up losing her anyway just as you lost your other children.

 

I have no idea if your marriage will be salvageable. If you can both get clean and get jobs and get through the painful dredging of counseling and the humiliation of having to prove yourselves over and over again to family who have given up on you and you come out stronger on the other side, then you could be uniquely suited for each other as survivors who are already intimately acquainted with each other's dark sides. You will be forged into stronger, wiser people than you can even imagine being right now. However, that's a lot of ifs, and it all might prove too much for one or both of you to handle.

 

My hope for you is that you will go through all the constructive pain and struggle of getting clean, finding crappy legit jobs and working your way up, repairing your relationship with yourselves, each other and your families...and then at the end of that long hard road you will find you are a good parent to your daughter, and you will regain partial custody of your other children, who are now each bereft of one parent. They deserve to have you be healthy and whole, as well. Good luck.