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My friends treats his wife poorly because she cheated, is he in his rights?

UmsteadE

By UmsteadE
in General Relationship Discussion

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UmsteadE Member

UmsteadE

Posted
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She cheated 8 years before their marriage. He walked in on her having sex with a former friend, broke up but weeks later took her back, forgave her and then years later got married.

However, several years after their marriage he's been treating her horrible like calling her names such as whore, **** (at times even in front of their 2 kids), or goes out clubbing with friends, doesn't help out at home and returns drunk. I, myself even heard him making jokes about her weight how ugly she is, in front of his friends.

 

As a friend I don't think that's right but he thinks she deserves it and that he was nice enough to still be with her and not cheat back. Said he still loves her but at times get reminded. But she's still the mother of his two kids, you don't talk to her like that, much less in front of children. In addition she seems sorry already, isn't it enough by now?

 

I feel sad for her and the kids. Her two boys don't even have a clue why their father acts that way or comes home drunk. I found the youngest who is 4 years old crying one day. I asked him why and his question got me by surprise, he was asking why doesn't his daddy love him, why is he leaving again. I didn't know what to answer so I comfort him.

He is really being a terrible husband and father.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

NO he is abusive. If she cheated before they married and had children and he still married her, he should be grown enough to get help to learn how to be a decent father if not husband. I don't like cheating, but he is wrong..:sick:

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

Of course he isn't within his rights. He's an abusive POS and his wife, and especially his kids, deserve better.

jnj express Established Member

jnj express

Posted
Posted

What she needs to do is put a stop to it---I'm sure if she told him, when I cheated twas well before we had any kind of commitment---And I don't wanna hear any of this anymore, It needs to stop---but she has to put some consequences in behind the words---there has to be something on her part to make him act civil, and with respect

Desensitized Established Member

Desensitized

Posted
Posted

If he was going to bring her cheating up later on in the r/s, he should've never married her. Plain and simple. What he's doing now is just abusive and cruel to the kids.

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Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

Posted
Posted

Well, what he does is wrong and it needs to change. Clearly he is hurting his children and that isn't acceptable.

 

If he still feels the need to punish his wife... they need to work that out between them.

  • Like 1
sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted
She cheated 8 years before their marriage. He walked in on her having sex with a former friend, broke up but weeks later took her back, forgave her and then years later got married.

However, several years after their marriage he's been treating her horrible like calling her names such as whore, **** (at times even in front of their 2 kids), or goes out clubbing with friends, doesn't help out at home and returns drunk. I, myself even heard him making jokes about her weight how ugly she is, in front of his friends.

 

As a friend I don't think that's right but he thinks she deserves it and that he was nice enough to still be with her and not cheat back. Said he still loves her but at times get reminded. But she's still the mother of his two kids, you don't talk to her like that, much less in front of children. In addition she seems sorry already, isn't it enough by now?

 

I feel sad for her and the kids. Her two boys don't even have a clue why their father acts that way or comes home drunk. I found the youngest who is 4 years old crying one day. I asked him why and his question got me by surprise, he was asking why doesn't his daddy love him, why is he leaving again. I didn't know what to answer so I comfort him.

He is really being a terrible husband and father.

 

No its not alright. She effed up with deceit. But he should have either ended the relationship or shut up after a year or so in if he chose to stay. Instead all he is doing is making sure neither of them are happy and their kids get to learn about partnership from this mess.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

The more I thought about this thread today the more I got pissed. :mad: Your friend doesn't treat her bad because she cheated. He treats her bad because he is a bully and a donkey. What real man would call the mother of his children those names in front of them? :sick:

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

His warden status expired when he proposed.

PatFinkle Established Member

PatFinkle

Posted
Posted

She's an adult so it's really up to her to decide how much she is willing to put up with from her husband.

 

I would stay out of it.

 

--Pat F

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UmsteadE Member

UmsteadE

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He sure is making his marriage worst. My guess is any woman would have left him already and find someone better.

If I were the wife, I think he would have met with a slap in the face followed by a ''that's enough already, keep it up and I'll leave you'' or simply left him for someone better.

 

But the wife just doesn't say anything. One day, I quickly told her not to let him say those things but she end up saying it's really her fault for cheating. Basically out of guilt, she lets him get away with it. Damn she looked sad. Poor woman, she's nice and doesn't deserves him.

 

If I were him, I would have forgiven her by now. My friend does seems to contradict himself. He keeps saying how he still loves her so he forgave her, but that's not what I'm seeing. In his view, staying is forgiving. However, my idea of forgiving is not only staying and working it out but get to the point where that's not ever brought up again esp if they're remorseful and haven't cheated again.

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UmsteadE Member

UmsteadE

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Posted
He's an ass.and is just using what happened a long time ago for an excuse to continue to be an azz. Probably always was an azzhole bully.
This is what I've been wondering too. Who knows what really happened that led to her cheating in the first place or if he was nice before she cheated.

 

Usually women don't cheat just to have sex with various men. They do it because either something is lacking in the relationship (aka as emotional needs), the relationship is getting stale or close to being dead, and other deeper reasons. Guys on the other hand are more likely to cheat for pure physical aspects such as ONS or ego boasting (cravings). There will always be exceptions but that's how it applies in general.

 

But yeah you got me thinking now. I don't know how he treated her before her cheating.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
This is what I've been wondering too. Who knows what really happened that led to her cheating in the first place or if he was nice before she cheated.

 

Usually women don't cheat just to have sex with various men. They do it because either something is lacking in the relationship (aka as emotional needs), the relationship is getting stale or close to being dead, and other deeper reasons. Guys on the other hand are more likely to cheat for pure physical aspects such as ONS or ego boasting (cravings). There will always be exceptions but that's how it applies in general.

 

But yeah you got me thinking now. I don't know how he treated her before her cheating.

 

 

Hold up. NO matter what he did to her, cheating wasn't the answer. Especially since it was before they married. Just like I feel he should have walked away from her before they married if he wasn't going to do right by her in marriage, she could have walked away before marriage instead of cheating. Neither decision was the right decision, but his abuse since the marriage that has produced children that he is showing this cycle of abuse to is absolutely not only wrong but he is helping to possible kill future relationships his children might have.

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UmsteadE Member

UmsteadE

Posted
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Posted (edited)

No cheating is wrong, that I understand but I was trying to state why it might happened sometimes.

It's usually when the person might feel trapped and don't want to leave the relationship though that's the easy way out but to them they see things their way. Again there's never a good reason to cheat but it still occurs.

 

I was on my way of once becoming a cheater and thought about it as my ex GF was sometimes distant, denied intimacy, or get jealousy for no reason at all. Instead I dumped her but it sure was getting close. That same day after breaking up, it's then that I started dating the other woman (and yes we did it too). When my ex GF found out, all hell broke loose and she got angry though technically it wasn't cheating.

Edited by UmsteadE
Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted

he is within his right to feel how he feels.

 

but if this is how he feels he should have never taken her back.

 

He should just get a divorce, for his sake. This is no way to live a life. I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. I didn't want to stay for the kids, in my situation, and live with someone I despised and felt the need to throw what she did in her face. i would have rather she be someone elses problem.

 

sounds like the case of a guy who was hurt, broke it off, couldn't stand the thought of not being with her, but what she did haunts him to this day.

 

this is why i say never stay with a cheater. you only hurt yourself.

  • Like 1
Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted

I feel sad for her and the kids. Her two boys don't even have a clue why their father acts that way or comes home drunk. I found the youngest who is 4 years old crying one day. I asked him why and his question got me by surprise, he was asking why doesn't his daddy love him, why is he leaving again. I didn't know what to answer so I comfort him.

He is really being a terrible husband and father.

 

this perchance wouldn't be a story of you possibly moving in on the wife would it?

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted
He's an ass.and is just using what happened a long time ago for an excuse to continue to be an azz. Probably always was an azzhole bully.

 

or it could be that he was a great guy, but getting cheated on messed with his head.

 

nobody should let a situation like that change who they are, with the exception of guarding their heart just a little more. but some people just go off the deep end when someone really f***s them over.

 

Not condoning his behavior at all. he should have never married her, not only because she cheated, but with a so-called friend.

  • Like 1
Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
She cheated 8 years before their marriage. He walked in on her having sex with a former friend, broke up but weeks later took her back, forgave her and then years later got married.

However, several years after their marriage he's been treating her horrible like calling her names such as whore, **** (at times even in front of their 2 kids), or goes out clubbing with friends, doesn't help out at home and returns drunk. I, myself even heard him making jokes about her weight how ugly she is, in front of his friends.

 

As a friend I don't think that's right but he thinks she deserves it and that he was nice enough to still be with her and not cheat back. Said he still loves her but at times get reminded. But she's still the mother of his two kids, you don't talk to her like that, much less in front of children. In addition she seems sorry already, isn't it enough by now?

 

I feel sad for her and the kids. Her two boys don't even have a clue why their father acts that way or comes home drunk. I found the youngest who is 4 years old crying one day. I asked him why and his question got me by surprise, he was asking why doesn't his daddy love him, why is he leaving again. I didn't know what to answer so I comfort him.

He is really being a terrible husband and father.

 

Yes he is an immature *ss.. he is a stupid, ignorant husband AND a father that should never have been called 'dad'... he's not worthy of being a father.. simple as that.

 

this guy is immature and ignorant.. If this woman is a close friend.. you should have a talk with her.. and support her.. this man IS abusing her.. and she seems to be too 'weak' or dependant to leave him.. it is sad.. very sad.

rafallus Established Member

rafallus

Posted
Posted

This is why I don't believe in working things out. Punish too little and other person feels like they got away with it. Punish too much, and you're in "abusive" land.

 

It's like a tranqulizer: not enough by a bit, and you won't feel a thing, a little too much, and you're dead.

PatFinkle Established Member

PatFinkle

Posted
Posted
this perchance wouldn't be a story of you possibly moving in on the wife would it?

 

You won't get an honest answer to that question if your suspicion is correct.

 

--Pat F

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

Cut one head off and another regrows.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted
I feel sad for her and the kids. Her two boys don't even have a clue why their father acts that way or comes home drunk. I found the youngest who is 4 years old crying one day. I asked him why and his question got me by surprise, he was asking why doesn't his daddy love him, why is he leaving again.

 

This is the worst part of the story for me. Your friend obviously shouldn't have gotten married, and his wife obviously shouldn't put up with the abuse, but both have chosen their path. But not this kid. He gets no choice at all.

 

Your friend better get his head out of his ass and, at an absolute minimum, be a father.

PatFinkle Established Member

PatFinkle

Posted
Posted
Cut one head off and another regrows.

 

Maybe you should see a doctor about that?

 

--Pat F

Memphis Raines Established Member

Memphis Raines

Posted
Posted
Cut one head off and another regrows.

 

are you mutilating your genitals again? STOP IT!!!

Tech_E Established Member

Tech_E

Posted
Posted

Abuse is abuse and it is WRONG.

 

If what you have posted is true, especially the part about the kids then this guy is an a$$.

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