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Boyfriend wants friends


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4givrnt4gtr

My boyfriend told me today that he is feeling really disconnected from people. He wishes he could have a connection with a friend where he can call him up and chat or hang out once in a while. He was isolated most of his life due to some issues in his family but seems like he really wishes he could connect to someone. I want to help him become more social but Im not sure where to begin.

Another issue is that he is sorta sensitive and he seems to always be scanning for put downs, disrespects etc. I told him that we all go through what we deem as disrespect (leaving someone talking to themselves online, not getting emails back, not responding to text etc) but you have to shake that off and not take it personally. He says that its hard for him to do as he would never do that to anyone. He sees it as a lack of consideration and it turns him off.

Anyone has any idead how can I help him? I myself have few but close friends and don't really know many men. (I actually don't trust male as friends anyway). Any ideas will be greatly appreciated!

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Get out more. Have him find some things that interest him that will put him around other people, i.e. kickball league, friendly community poker games (many pubs have weekly games), church, toast masters, etc. Basically get out and work up the courage to talk to people.

 

The most important thing is to NOT take anything personally. Your boyfriend has to know that everyone has their own battle. Everyone is doing the best they can. And it's easy to overlook others or underestimate people. If someone overlooks, underestimates, or "disrespects" your boyfriend, then he needs to know that it has nothing to do with him.

 

Leaving people hanging on an online chat is NOT disrespectful. Failing to respond to a text is not disrespectful. These things happen and it's pretty well understood that these forms of communication are unreliable and are meant only to bridge the gap between real contact.

 

Another important thing if he wants to make friends is to be pleasant. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone who's down or negative all the time? For a long time I was very depressed and angry at the world. I would walk around all sad and complain about my frustrations when people would give me the time of day. I also found myself with no real friends. And that's because I was a burden to them. It wasn't until I adopted a more positive and energetic attitude that I started making real friends. Part of that involved initiating hang-outs. Organize a little party. 3 people is a party. So something you could do to help would be to invite someone you meet out for drinks or coffee or lunch or a concert or something. Then the party is you, you're BF, and some other friendly dude. Then you can all party it up together making it less stressful for your BF.

 

But your BF needs to understand that the world doesn't own him anything. Potential friends don't owe him anything. He has to give in order to get back. He has to express his desire to be friendly to others in order for them to have the opportunity to be friendly back. Not everyone will be friendly back. A lot of people are dealing with issues of their own that have nothing to do with your BF. And what's more, you can't win everyone. Some people are just going to not like you and that's just the way it is. So don't worry about those people. Just focus on the ones that do like you. If you're fun, pleasant, easy to be with, and just generally positive; then people will gravitate towards you. But you can't expect anything from anyone. Let them like or dislike you. Don't be needy.

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