How to Support Bummed BF?

[BornBlonde]

New to LS, and am at a loss as to how to support my BF. He's had a tough year. When we got together about a year ago, he was unemployed. Eventually, he got a job, and lost it within three months. He got another one, and again, just lost it at the six month point. He's pretty much hated every job he's had (he's white collar and makes good money when he's working). Professionally, it's been like this for the past five years. Obviously a problem there. BTW, he's not young -- he just turned 50.

 

During the unemployment periods he gets depressed. In the past year, he's had two minor car accidents. Last night, he was in his third car accident. Again, no one got hurt, but this is three wrecks in one year.

 

He is divorced and has one child who is mildly autistic. He worries about that non-stop. I've spent time with his son; he is lovely and very functional but is clearly behind his peers in terms of childhood development. He and his ex don't get along very well.

 

His apartment is a catastrophe. He's not taking great care of himself. During his last bout of employment, he stopped taking his anti-depressants, which was probably a big mistake...I've gently suggested that he visits the doc and discuss starting anti-depressants again. So far, no luck.

 

The kicker to all this is, he is very handsome and charming. One of the things that I know makes him feel better is attention from women -- besides me! So on top of everything, I am always on alert that he might cheat. He did once, and for now is being faithful.

 

My question is: how can I support him? Should I support him? Should I just tell him good luck and get back to me if you want once things are better? Today I got a sense that he's so depressed he really doesn't want to get together tomorrow. I love him, but it feels like he's got more than bad luck -- it's more like he has a systemic approach to life that just isn't working. I kind of want to counsel him to success, but wonder if that's even possible. Or...worth it.

 

I'd be really interested to hear from anyone with thoughts on this, particularly men who've gone through a bad luck phase and found some approaches to dig out of your pit. How did your partner help? Would it be better to leave him? Your thoughts would be really appreciated. I want to help, but I'm not sure where the line is to give up...