Trying to get over someone I work with

[In Deep]

I left an unhappy marriage because I fell in love with a man I work with and we became involved in an affair. He is married too, and was going to leave his wife to be with me, but after I left my husband, he started to pull away.

 

I couldn't take the pain of him pulling me in and then distancing himself from me over and over, so I ended the affair. The problem is that I'm still in love with him, feeling horribly hurt and rejected, and still have to see him all the time at work. We even have to work closely together sometimes.

 

He wanted to remain friends, but I said no because I knew I'd fall back into the pattern of back and forth with him if I did. My feelings for him are so strong. Yet he can't/won't leave his wife and I believe is afraid of having a relationship with someone like me. (I'm very affectionate and open, and his wife is cold, and abusive when she drinks.)

 

Could really use some advice on how to get over him when I have to see him all the time. If I never had to see him again, I know time would cure this. But every time I see him, the wound is reopened. I have put in for a transfer to another dept, but so far it hasn't happened. The job market is terrible out here, so I can't find something else. Help.

[smudge21]

Sorry but from someone who's been in this sticky situation, there isn't an easy way out I'm afraid. You just have to accept the way things are and then find a way to heal that works for you.

 

I had six months working with an ex once and that was torture. It's bad enough when you hear about an ex having fun or see pictures of them enjoying themselves when you're so down, but to actually experience it is like the worst kind of mental pain I can imagine. Plus, no one (not unless they've been through it) ever understands.

 

What sort of helped for me was to find someone else - not another person to date or anything, just someone in the work place who you can have a lugh with, get along with, basically someone who takes your mind off the ex. You need that sort of distraction. In some ways it's like when many of us are bored or have nothing to do, we start thinking about ex's (or worse, start Googling their names). We all need some sort of distraction.

 

A change of jobs is the sure fire solution, but do you really want to go through all that? As I said, been there so understand what you're going through, but there is no simple quick fix.

[In Deep]

Thanks for that. It helps to know I'm not the only one whose been through this. I do have a good buddy at work who makes me laugh. Just wish I didn't have to see the guy who rejected me. It hurts every time I lay eyes on him. Praying for a transfer...