Chibaby Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 Hi LS! So I have this "toxic" friend who I recently had a gradual falling out with. I won't go into detail over every little nitty gritty, but the reason I call her toxic, she is: Selfish-Self Absorbed - Jealous - Concieted - Fault Finder - Competitive with me and other friends - Richer than hell off of her daddy, and doesn't understand the real world - I could go on for hours, but basically to sum it up, after years of tolerating and perhaps fostering this behavior, I have had it. We live in two different states, and she came to visit me and overstayed her welcome by a week. I was a good little hostess taking her to all the hotspots, costing a fortune in gas and theme park admissions, as well as shopping, eating out or cooking for her etc. Then, in a nutshell, she gets drunk, gets in a fight with my husband over a baked potato (I wasn't even involved), storms out at 11PM saying she's changing her flight home because we make her uncomfortable, gets high as F**K with a guy she met at a sleazy club the night before, comes back at 5AM, and pretends like nothing happened. YEAH.... The rest of the week I was very passive aggresive, my husband had even apologized to her before she stormed out, we had lots of friends over for a get together at the time of the baked potato incident and it was embarrasing - no one understood why she made such a scene or what the big deal was. Trust me, it's just her. I told her how I felt that night, because she always causes scenes and is a major drama queen, but she refused to even budge and just pretended like it never happened - told me I was immature. Can't believe she stayed the whole week and pretended like everything was fine. Fast forward to now. We spoke a few times over text - she left leaving a card, not apologizing for her actions, but saying she's sorry over the misunderstanding and she's learned a lot. Enclosed was a $75 check which I didn't cash because it was uncomfortable for me to take her money - not like she left cash or a giftcard. I flew back to her state this week, and she's cut me off. Told her I would be in town, but no word back, and we are still facebook "friends" but I am blocked from viewing her wall - so immature. She has a history of cutting friends off until she feels like it, and then goes back to being friends - our two closest friends in the group have been cut off for 3 months to a year. I'm so done, but I don't want to break up our little circle of friends for we are very close. This has caused a major wave of disruption, but my two other friends say she's wrong and don't make the effort to talk to her, she needs to apologize to me, and I feel the same. Fine - my question is this. Her birthday is coming up next month two days before mine, so do I send her a card or gift or ignore her? I am not really all that concerned about her feelings, but I know if I ignore her it could escalate things. We have been friends for 16 years, and it seems a shame to me, but I am sick of being a pushover and taking crap. So what's the opinion here, get her a b-day present to be nice and make ammends, or just let it pass, and hope she sucks it up and learns a lesson? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chibaby Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Is no one responding this cause my post is too long/boring? Just want to know - birthday gift or no birthday gift..... Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 No birthday gift. Let her go just like you'd do that with an ex-bf or ex-gf. Whatever "drama" that ensues over an ignored gift will be text message drama. And that's not drama at all. Just ignore the text. If your friends want to create "drama," don't play into it. If they want to gossip or talk about her, change the subject or slip off to the bathroom. If you don't talk about her, people will stop talking to you about her. As for the real drama of your anger and unresolved feelings, you will work through those in time. I suggest you don't process your feelings with mutual friends of hers, but outside parties. There. I hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chibaby Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 There. I hope that helps. Thanks - it helps to have an outsiders opinion. OK - on more silly question. Do I "de-friend" her on facebook or just let it be. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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