My Love

[RevJPC]

I was writting on here for a while, back a few months ago. The basis of my story is this.

 

My wife and I were married for a short time (3 years) and are currently divorced. For the past 18 months we have been at very least sleeping together... at most I like to think that we have a chance of being married again... although that isn't really that important of an ellement to me, and I believe not with her either. The reason for out divorce was 100% my fault... my doing... and my biggest regret. I have a "substance abuse" problem. Nice bull**** line. I was a drug addict. Rather than go to treatment and straighten my life out, when my wife showed me the door, I choose to move in with another woman. The other woman was someone that I had been involved with before. I thought it was what I wanted. After I DID get "clean and sober" (I do not like these terms... I am relatively sober, I am on methadone, and I do occasionally have a glass of wine or a beer) I realized that I had really screwed up. It didn't take long for me to realize that I wanted my wife back. We have two children. A 6 1/2 year old boy (who actually is mine from my first wife who passed away 11 months after he was born) and a girl who turned 4 yesterday.

 

We have been quasi living together for 7 months. I did have a seperate residence up until about a month ago, and now all my things are here, but it is temporary. Herein lyes the jest of my post. I have never lived outside of a 20 mile radius. I have toyed with the idea of moving to another part of the country or the world, many times over the past 15 years, but never done it. I had stopped thinking about it entirely for the last year and a half, until about 3 weeks ago. We were having "pillow talk" as I like to affectionately refer to it. She said something about wishing that we lived in a warmer climate and near the beach. I asked if she was serious... really truely serious, or if this was just talk. She said that if I moved somewhere, got a job, and found us a home, that was in a warmer climate and near an ocean, she would move with me.

 

So we played around with Costa Rica, and then sort of stumbled on Wilmingon North Carolina. It meets all the requirements, which basicly there are three.

 

1. Nicer climate than where we are, and still close to an ocean.

2. Relatively inexpensive cost of living.

3. Reasonably hopefull job market.

 

The third one is the only one that is a little uncertain. I have a friend who is there, and he said that the job market sucks, but for someone like myself with a skill (I'm an MCSE Network Administrator) there are good jobs. Although I really would like to pursue other interests, I am going to look for a job in the feild that I am trained, and see what happens from there.

 

Anyone from that area here?

 

So we go back and forth... things seem really great, then she starts thinking about the fact that I left her, and holds a grudge (rightfully so, I will never try to say she cannot feel angry about that!) for a week. But this last week she did not tell me that the problem was that she was dwelling on "it" until a couple of days after it began... so I was a bit of a butthead because I didn't know what was eating her.

 

I am reasonable confident that the move is going to be the best thing for us... even if the end result was that we aren't together. Even though I am assuming and hoping and expecting that we will be together. I am just scared. I am not a real secure person, and sometimes I think that something is going on and I flip out... usually the end result is either her comforting me and telling me that nothing is going on, or I figure out that nothing is going on, on my own.

 

I just love her and my family an aweful lot to be leaving them tenatively for only 10 months, but for a possible 2 years, with fairly infrequent visits (maybe once every 2 months???)

 

Any comments?

[hot_baby269]

i can't say much for this but i thank she should take that you quit the druge anf drickin but that cheating on her i don't thank can be that forgiveable i really wish i could say a lot more ot this my dad has a drinkin problem and now we don't see him own on free will do to that and he pick his wife over us so that about all i can put to that