Old vs. New (long)

[Jenni]

About four years ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years. There were a few reasons that we had ended the relationship... We are two years apart in age (he's older), we both lived with our parents over half hour apart, I was a Senior in High School while he was just turning 21 and wanting to go to the bars. My family didn't like him because he would spend every penny he earned and didn't save for the future so they didn't think he could properly take care of me. We got into many stupid arguments as any couple does, and we just decided that enough was enough.

 

In the meantime I have had two more (long-term) relationships. One was originally a re-bound type of thing, where we left town, kinda got stuck together with a lease at an apartment for a little more than a year. Then moving back home we broke up, we both knew it wasn't right. And the current relationship I'm in (of a year) is great. My current and I are only a month apart in age, our parents went to school together, and our dad's played softball together while we were young. He is successful, and has everything looking up for him. He doesn't smoke, doesn't swear (often), and is very courteous. My family loves him.

 

Now here's my problem. While I have been with these other two people I have always wanted to go back to my ex, and have spoken to him a few times. During our talks we have both said that if we had the chance to be together we would get back together, but he currently lives in Washington, and I in Wisconsin. He still has no money, and has a lot of the same stupid habits as he once did. But those things I dealt with before and could easily do again. I am also going to be going back to school shortly which means I will also be broke.

 

With my current I don't have to worry about finances, with my ex I would. But how do I make myself be happy? With my ex my conscience wasn't so heavy and my heart was light. Now, for the most part I am happy, but my heart is heavy and I know I'm not being true to myself. So, do I leave my current guy and move back in with my parents, and wait for my ex to come home in a year, or do I stay where I'm at and try to forget about my ex again?

[Kat]

I am just wondering why you want to get back with him? I mean didn't you end the relationship for a reason?

[quankanne]

you're always going to be wondering "what if" about your first boyfriend, no matter how happy you are with your current mate -- heck, I still dream about the guy I had a grade school crush on, but I realize that he can never, ever stack up against the dumb fantasy my mind wove about him when I first developed a crush on him in fourth grade.

 

You say the guy basically hasn't changed much since you were last with him, right? What's to say that you wouldn't be back at square one if you chose to ditch your present boyfriend for him?

 

Go enjoy your life with the guy you're with now, and don't give your ex another thought. Fantasies like that are better left unexplored, especially when you've got the good stuff right there with you.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "So, do I leave my current guy and move back in with my parents, and wait for my ex to come home in a year, or do I stay where I'm at and try to forget about my ex again?"

 

What is wrong with you, girl??? You talk like these are the only two guys in the entire world.

 

Before I tell you to forget both of them, let's just discuss them for a minute:

 

1, Your current guy: He's a decent guy, is financially stable, but there are no sparks or fireworks. The passion and desire are missing.

 

Your life would be pretty empty with the essential component missing.

 

2. Your ex: He's irresponsible, poor, won't be able to support you in the near future, if ever but there is a desire, perhaps a bit of passion, on your part to be with him.

 

Your life would be pretty stressed, always worried about the bills and where the money would come from when you're pregnant and not able to support him for a while. And eventually, with all the stress, you would totally lose the desire to be with the guy...the fireworks would be snuffed out for all time and one day you would leave him and be very, very angry...AT YOURSELF!!!

 

Now if these are the only two guys you have to choose from, my advice is to stay single. Otherwise, I would urge you to drop both of them like the hot potatoes they are a go find Mr. Right, for whom you have the passion and fireworks and who is responsible enough to compliment your life in a positive way.

 

Meanwhile, it's OK to be without a guy. You are just fine with nobody in your life....even better off, better off than being with the WRONG person.

 

Good luck!!!