InReverie Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I had posted a previous thread in the long distance section and it has since been left unanswered. Although my relationship requires a small bit of long distance traveling, perhaps it wasn't the right forum to post under. But I have been trying to cope with other issues lately and was wondering if anyone could relate... If anyone can help me out a bit I’d be entirely grateful. My boyfriend and I have been dating for half a year now and I laid the love word out on the table officially last night. I had to mostly because I had been feeling this way for so long now and it's been causing me a lot of grief not knowing how he felt about me. I see him almost every week and the time I spend with him is nice...but I’m beginning to feel like our relationship is nothing more than a “friends with benefits” sort of deal. My boyfriend and I spend time together, but I can’t figure out what kind of connection we have. I drove up to see him last night and the moment I said that I was starting to fall in love with him he responded with "no you're not" and other things like "how can you be falling in love with me...I don't understand?" and honestly I didn't know what to say back to him that would make him understand...I was stumped to hear that he was so confused by the way I was feeling. Why the hell are people so afraid of feelings! *humorous sigh* While he did say he could not say it back to me he did let me know that he really likes me a lot...although it's not the same and I can admit I felt let down, at least I didn't hear him say I love you back just because I said it. So that much is a relief. I talked to him about what he thought about love and if he's ever been in love before. The only time he told me he could say he was in love was with his first boyfriend. I've known since the start of things that he's never had a lot of relationship experience, and since his first boyfriend I believe my self to be the fourth. Reassurance. That’s all I’ve ever asked for in a relationship. Let me know that you care about me as often as you can. It makes a relationship so much easier to deal with when you don't live near each other. I could care less about gifts, or money...just the understanding that things are ok and that I mean something to you...why is it always so much to ask? Blah ok. Sorry guys... Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 From what you've said I get the impression he isn't as interested in you as you are in him, I reckon if he felt strongly towards you his reaction wouldn't have been 'no you're not' or questioning how (when you've been seeing each other 6 months). At least he was honest and didn't just say it back though. You said you don't really know what's going on between you guys, have you had the exclusivity talk? Do you both refer to each other as your boyfriends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author InReverie Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 You said you don't really know what's going on between you guys, have you had the exclusivity talk? Do you both refer to each other as your boyfriends? we're definitely an exclusive couple. i know for a fact that if i were to go make out with someone right now it would be a really big deal lol. i am sorry, because it's so hard to give a fully descriptive analysis of a relationship in a post while still getting the basic points or issues across. i don't want to bore you lol. i think that it's more a matter of pacing. is that possible? for instance...he may not be ready to say i love you...but should that mean i just up and move on and look for someone who is? i've spent so much time with him and i do know i'm important to him. i guess it's just something i need to talk about with him more... :/ Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 we're definitely an exclusive couple. i know for a fact that if i were to go make out with someone right now it would be a really big deal lol. i am sorry, because it's so hard to give a fully descriptive analysis of a relationship in a post while still getting the basic points or issues across. i don't want to bore you lol. i think that it's more a matter of pacing. is that possible? for instance...he may not be ready to say i love you...but should that mean i just up and move on and look for someone who is? i've spent so much time with him and i do know i'm important to him. i guess it's just something i need to talk about with him more... :/ I'm by no means an expert in anything to do with relationships or anything But if you were a mate and you'd told me all this, I would pay attention to how the relationship is going and try not to think about the L-word at all. To some people it's a huge deal and can't be taken lightly, even after a few months, to others it's the sort of thing that gets spewed out at the end of a text after a couple of weeks. If you're both monogamous, he's treating you well, he makes you feel like he genuinely cares about you and you see it going forward instead of all going wrong I'd just try not to worry about saying 'I love you' for now, maybe if in a good few months time he still hasn't said it you could talk to him about it. I said it to my bf after 5 months, and he said something along the lines of how it meant a lot to hear it from me, that he really liked me but he wouldn't say it until he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he meant it because it was a really big deal to him. I just felt relieved because I'd wanted to say it for a while, and once I'd done my part I could just sit back and relax about it. A month later he said he loved me, without us discussing it or anything, it was pretty amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
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