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I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years.......

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Old 27th October 2008, 11:30 PM   #1
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I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years.......

Okay this is going to be a long one, I'm new to this forum. I'm 28 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for over 8 years now. We've been living together for over 3 years. I've come to the point where I feel that he is never going to ask me to marry him and he's always down and out about money. I feel like he's not really doing anything for me. I still love him and I think about breaking up with him but then I see him and everythings okay. He's very moody and goes through periods of being really depressed or just down right mean. I feel bad and I'm afraid that if I break up with him he'll be devastated without me. I've become so used to being with him that I'm afraid of being alone, even when he's bitchy and makes me feel like crap. For probably the last 6 months I've been thinking about other people. Like we'll be having sex and I'll be thinking about someone else. I've never cheated on him and I don't ever want to cheat on anyone. Then the next week everything might be fine and then I'm thinking about someone else again.

Okay so this is where it gets a little more soap opera. I really like this other guy that I've known for a very long time. I think he's always had a thing for me too. We hung out last night and talked a lot and he's really cool and I can't stop thinking about him. I haven't felt like this in a long time. So my question is, should I break up with my boyfriend right now or should I wait till he makes me upset so that I have an excuse? I don't want to jump right ahead and start dating someone else. This other guy I like can wait and I know he's always going to be in my life. I'm just afraid that I might be making a mistake by breaking up. I'm afraid of what he'd do without me, but I have to think about myself. My parents were in a terrible abusive relationship and i think that I see myself copying that. He's never been physical with me, it's more mental and I just feel like his depression drags me down. I don't know what to do and if I do break up with him I don't want to seem like I'm throwing myself at this other guy.
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Old 28th October 2008, 6:54 AM   #2
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So you don't want to break up with him because you feel sorry for him? That's not a good reason to stay with someone. It doesn't sound like you are very happy in this relationship right now, so do what's right for YOU. Make yourself happy, whatever that may be.

By the way..if this guy doesn't want to marry you after 8 years and treats you as badly as you say he does, I'm not sure why you would want to stay with him in the first place. He doesn't want to commit to you, so why do you think he would be destroyed if you broke up with him?
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Old 29th October 2008, 2:35 AM   #3
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Hate to break it to you, but if after 8 years he hasn't asked you to marry him, it will probably never happen. Also fantasizing about other people is never a good sign. You've missed out on a big portion of being young, do you want to miss any more time with something that seems to be going nowhere? And don't feel bad or think about how he will get on when you break the news. That's how breakups work for everyone. And don't wait, thats just robbing the both of you of time.
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Old 29th October 2008, 2:47 AM   #4
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You aren't happy in the relationship. You should break up.

You worry about the road you are going down and feel stuck. You should break up.

You are thinking about other men and other possibilities for your life. You should break up.

And if you think staying with him is what is best because you are concerned for his welfare you are wrong. He can't be in a happy relationship because you aren't happy. It takes two. So do him a favor as well and break up.

It will give both of you a chance at another kind of life and it may be just the boost he needs to get help for his depression.
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Old 29th October 2008, 5:01 AM   #5
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If a guy does not ask you for marriage in 2-3 years, he will never ask for it (however if he does put some sort of guarantee of sharing monies, then that 2-3 year rule doesn't count)

If a guy asks for marriage in just a couple months to a year, he's probably desperate, definitely postpone the actual act of marriage a full year to the equivalent of 2 years at the very most.

Also, what do you hope to gain from being married?
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