When it might be crossing the line

[blair08]

Exactly how do you know when a counselor has crossed the line? I don't mean as in a physical way or comments that might come right out and reveal they are saying things that might not be appropirate.

 

Maybe more subtle things I guess. The reason I ask is, my sister who has been seeing a indvidual counselor for awhile now, said here recently she has picked up on some weird vibes from him but can't quite put her finger on what it is. She said she wasn't sure how much of it might just be her or how much might actually be something that is crossing a line.

 

For example, she did say she understands that a counselor needs to know certain things in order to provide help/suggestions. However, she stated there have been times, when she would discuss porn because it was a problem in her marriage and not sure what to do or feel etc. (There are other isuses as well in her marriage but this was just an example of one) He would then ask her to tell him the kinds of things her H looked at. She said he just seemed real interested in what she had to say. She mentioned something about some things being exteme, he then wanted to know what was extreme to her and give examples.

 

She said he would often mirror her at times as well. He acted kind of like he was intrigued by her or something. He would tell her himself he found nothing wrong with SOME types porn and didn't mind viewing it at times himself. I guess she felt this was a little over the line, a counselor sharing with her his likes on porn.

 

Anyway can someone shed some light on what might be or might not be crossing the line where a counselor is concerned?What is ok for them to do and say and not do and say. What is ok for them to share and not share?

[EnigmasMuse]

It seems no one knows, and I'm not real sure what to tell you either.

 

I will say this though, I don't think its helpful of him to be telling your sister wheather or not he likes porn, he is not the issue, she and her husband and their relationship is and thats where the focus should be, not on him and what HE likes.

 

If she is getting weird vibes from him, she might be wise to listen to those. She might need to find another counselor.

[tinke]

Generally, I believe most will not discuss their personal lives UNLESS it may benefit the situation. Perhaps there was a specific reason why those questions were asked, your sister may want to ask why in the future. Maybe he brought his own preferences into light to prove a point (that it is not abnormal, etc.), maybe he wanted to know how or if this "hobby" is interfering in their lives....

 

Don't know, but regardless, if she feels uncomfortable, there is no reason to resume with him...there's many more out there.

[Stung]

none of us will never know if he needed to know certain details or not, or what his personal style of relating to his patients might be. we can't see the guy to pick up on his vibes and we don't have an exact transcript of the session. he sounds like he might be an oversharer, but maybe that's strategic and deliberate, to try to humanize himself...or he could be a total creepshow getting off on the conversation...or he could just be kind of incompetent. the only really salient point here is that your sister is feeling uncomfortable and it is distracting her from whatever she's in these sessions for in the first place. therefore, she should start looking for a different counselor.

 

now, if she finds a problem with THAT one, and the next one and the next one...well, finding a therapist that meshes with you just right can be difficult, but she might want to start analyzing whether she is looking for excuses to keep the therapy shallow.