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To block or not to block ?


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Old 13th November 2007, 6:48 PM   #1
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To block or not to block ?

Ok , hey .

There is this guy that I dated for almost nine months. We fell in love with each other but certain things led us both to decide to call it quits. We still said that we would remain friends as there is no bad blood , and even though it's been hard , I'm trying to be his friend and not slip up and tell him how I miss him and everything else. And he has also admitted to me that he is having a hard time with it as well.

The story goes like this : We are both on each-other's MSN and such , I try so hard not to message as much as I used to because I know it will only make me want to tell him how I feel. So , we chat for a bit , laugh , feel good , and then I usually say I have to take off ( as to not slip up) but sometimes I do , and then he does too , and its back to the same old same old , telling each other that it just isn't going to work out right now but let's still remain friends. Then it happens again , we are good for awhile .. talking , cracking jokes .. and then I usually slip again , or he gives off the same impression .

I have tried so hard to not talk to him for one full day and then one more day after that and so on - to let some time pass -so that when we do talk , we are able to talk as actual friends and nothing much more than that . But I can never last even a single day it seems. I have also tried to appear offline many times, but then I either slip and message him , or he messages me and I can't bare not to get back to him when he sends me a message . And then , ONCE AGAIN , the story plays out the same .. it just goes on and on and on and its messing me up inside . Really badly.

I don't want to block him , but maybe I should ? I don't know what else to do? I can't imagine not talking to him , but when I do , I can't bare how it makes me miss him and then pretend that I'm Ok . But I definitely don't want to keep going around in circles because the pain is too much . Every time I feel a little better about moving on , everything I feel just seems to start all over again when we talk. I don't want to lose him as a friend and as someone I can talk to, and I think he feels the same , but I also can't deal with the fact that when we do talk all the feelings come rushing back .

I'm so lost on what to do

p.s - I thought that he just wanted to keep me around like that until he found someone else , but that's not the case at all , He does mean what he says when he says it to me, he is an actual nice guy . Really great guy.
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Old 13th November 2007, 8:34 PM   #2
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please , can someone reply to this post , I really don't know what to do .
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Old 13th November 2007, 8:40 PM   #3
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You broke up for a reason. You are only torturing each other by doing this. I would say yes, block him. Unless you can see you two getting past the issues which lead to the break, I would not contact him at all.
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Old 13th November 2007, 10:06 PM   #4
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I would say not block.

Its too much of a statement, and you will regret it almost immediately. (even tho u can undo it)

You will feel much more empowered if you just set your online status to invisible, and then he won't know whats going on.

Better yet just stay off the whole messenger thing for a bit. I think messenger makes it too easy for guys.

For me, blocking is something reserved for people who I don't like or who have offended or are a nuisance. You say this guy is a great guy , so i wouldn't block him, it sends an aggressive message, blocking, the way i look at it.
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Old 14th November 2007, 3:40 AM   #5
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I agree that blocking is probably not the best idea. You would know why you were doing it, and think it's the best thing but...he might not understand and think he's done something to make you angry, or change your mind about being friends...in which case blocking is not the way to send that message.

The invisible thing is a good idea, however. So he might not start chatting with ya, but if he's NOT invisible, you might be tempted to start chatting yourself anyway. I don't what's wrong with just telling him that you are feeling this way. That your going in circles, etc...not only is honesty good in a relationship but in a friendship, too you know. And perhaps he'll say, "Yea, I feel the same way..." and it could even end up as yet another conclusion that you still want to be friends. But someone has to say, "look, let's really make a decision here...."....

If the decision is friends, determine what that will mean exactly. Sounds like work, but it's necessary in your case. You could even agree to "block" each other for chris sakes. Or set a number limit on how often to communicate per week or per month. Communicate meaning not even just "Hi"....Communicate meaning any acknowledgement at all what so ever.

But it seems you both feel exactly the same. What were all the reasons for breaking up? Are these reasons that can be modified or compromised? Behavior can surely be modified...it's just a matter of weather or not a person is willing to change something for another person, something within reason anyway.

If it leads to a discussion of trying again, those are the things that should be addressed. Most of us here at LS will tell each other, just let go, accept it, NC, NC, NC!!!....but I believe in cases like yours this can't just happen overnight. A decision has to be made and communication is required for that, so is honesty. This isnt' an obvious case of "Look, man...he doesn't want you...just cut it all off!!".....it seems he's having the same problem...so why not solve it together?

In a perfect world we would just "let go", and eventually get over it no matter what or no matter how long it took. But in the real world, people break up and try again all the time...gosh I know married couples who have broken up 10 times or something...can't say they are all healthy marriages, but neither are the ones who never broke up at all...
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Old 14th November 2007, 12:12 PM   #6
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block him...save yourself...i have made this mistake too many times
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