popey Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Where's the line in love, romance, and relationships? How do you tell if when you are engaging in reasonable compromise (take the good with bad b/c we all have both) or if you're settling? Likewise, how do you tell if your expectations are simply nit-picking or setting impossible standards? Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Wow, you're post really made me think... I have no idea where the line is. I was very picky before my XW, and with her I wasn't, and I just realized now that I probably settled. Not that we didn't have a very meaningful relationship, just that there were too many incompatibilities to make it work. Even now, after the short amount of time we've been split up (6 months), I find myself going back into "picky" mode. I think nit-picking to some degree is good. It should eliminate the obvious ones rather quickly... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 You have to decide what's important to you when you set a hard boundary. So, I guess it's about knowing and being honest with yourself about how much you're willing to put up with, just to keep someone. Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 that's a tough question. you have to look after yourself and recognise incompatibility early on so you don't get caught up in unhealthy relationships but at the same time you don't want to be set in your ways too much. in an ideal situation you should know and feel it I think. if it ever feels you are giving up too much then you have a problem. you have to define to yourself what 'too much' is Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 The key is to make sure that you can meet your own standards. If you cant meet the standards you set for others they are too high. Link to post Share on other sites
birdie Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 yes that's fair Link to post Share on other sites
Author popey Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 yes Woggle. I thought that too, but here comes my difficulty with that. We are not identical people with identical strengths and weaknesses etc. So your standard may not be that simple. For instance, if I don't demand that my partner share my intensity of career ambition; does this mean I'm settling? or compromising where other important qualities are present. Likewise, couold there not be flaws that one might posess to such a degree that they simply must (for compatibility's sake) demand more in that category from their partner than they themselves can expect to muster up? Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Maybe think of all the times you felt intense anger or a grudge you could not let go off, firgure out the pattern of those instances throughout your life (pertaining to family, friendships, and love relationships) then you have your hard line for the "no compromising" category. All the rest is up for grabs and should be more flexible. Except for the new "hardline no way" category. Link to post Share on other sites
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