Paulie's Therapy..Question For Nina

[Paulie]

My shrink feels that the fact that I'm still really grieving after 3 months over a 3 year relationship suggests that there are underlying issues, not just the breakup. My therapist thinks that it is probably self-esteem issues, or abandonment issues.

 

I'm talking to other girls, and stuff, but wake up in the middle of the night in chills shaking in the middle of a dream about my ex. Also, am really hurt about the fact that she told me she loved me to death, lied to me and cheated on me. Also, I'm deathly afraid of seeing her, and avoid parts of the city in which I live, so I won't see her.

 

To a mental health professional, does this seem to be more than just grief over a breakup? My last breakup was from a 4 month relationship, and it took me a whole year to get over it entirely. The circumstances of this relationship and breakup were really painful, too. I really wanna get over it, but really want to get the most out of my therapy...I'm going twice a week.

 

Does there seem to be more going on here?

 

(I'm kinda embarrassed asking this...I'd like to let you all think that I've gotten over this...but unfortunately not as quickly as I'd like to. I try to not talk about it here, but I'm beginning a new approach in my therapy that deals more with "other" issues...ie, self-esteem, fear of abandonment, etc.)

 

Sorry, Tones...

[Tony T]

No need to be sorry.

 

I don't think it is a good practice for anyone to disagree with your therapist or any other treatment or intervention you are in with a professional.

 

However, I will say that in my own opinion, different people take different lengths of time of get over relationships. I do not think it is unusual at all for you to take six months to several years to completely get over someone.

 

If you were truly in love with someone and you could get over them in a few months, I would definitely think you either had NOT been in love with them or there was something wrong with you.

 

You are unique, you are your own self and you have to take the time you need to get through the healing process. Counselling can certainly help in the process, clarify issues, give you someone to discuss your feelings with without burning friends' ears off, and give you techniques to perhaps speed up the process but the process itself is going to take whatever time is required BY YOU.

 

I would agree with your therapist that there may be some sort of underlying dynamics or issues in your background that make you more attached and sensitive to past loves...but, then again, your sensitivity may just be part of your developed personality.

 

Take the time you need and don't overanalyze.

 

Over and out.

[Weapon Tex]

She is a Fruit Loop, you are a Cocoa Puff. That is all.