sastelise Posted May 26, 1999 Share Posted May 26, 1999 I have been going out with my boyfriend for two months, although we've known each other for three years. He's a generally kind person with good intentions, the problem is with his Ex. He went out with her for three years; and he finally broke up with her because he knew that they were too different (she wanted to start a family with him and he, being in college, wasn't interested in that at all). His Ex was deeply in love with him, but his feelings were apparently mild - During their relationship he fell in love with another girl and cheated (she still doesn't know). Now, a few years after that incident (the girl he cheated with is out of his life; she's married)and 7 months after the official break-up between him and his ex, he is going out with me. However, his Ex has still been calling him obsessively thinking she could get back together with him. He finally told her that he doesn't love her anymore, and that there is no possibility of them getting back together. She has stopped calling, but it still peeves me that he never told her about me. He says that he already hurt her a lot and telling her about me would destroy her. Eventhough he doesn't love her anymore he's still protective of her feelings. I KNOW his intentions are good, but i am hurt and jeolous that all the time she was calling he wouldn't be honest with her and i'm afraid that when there's bad news he won't be honest with me. He say's that i'm a completely different person than his ex and that he would handle things differntly with me, yet there is still this ounce of uncertainty in me...I love him and i'm afraid of being hurt. Can anyone tell me if i am just being too insecure? or not? and what should I do about my insecurites? sorry so long sastelise Link to post Share on other sites
Shira Posted May 26, 1999 Share Posted May 26, 1999 You have to understand his attitude towards his ex because they have a longer history than you two do at the moment. It is always difficult to adapt after the breakup of a long-term relationship, and your boyfriend is exercising great caution by not telling his ex about you yet. He will eventually, but its probably not the right time yet. Seven months after the breakup isn't a very long time, and depending on how he broke up with her there could still be unresolved issues, or unfinished business. The ex could suffer from abandonment issues, we don't know. If I were you I would suggest (if she still calls again) that maybe you talk to her. But be sympathetic towards her because you never know if the situations could reverse themselves and you could find yourself in her position. You sound like you have good intuition in worrying about what he would do if thing got difficult with you. He sounds like a "weak male" who doesn't like to deal with conflict. You must teach him that conflict is okay, and necessary in life. Good luck! Shira Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts