Am I wrong to disbelieve his love?

[Fran]

Dear Loveshackers,

 

I have been dating a man 39, I am 28, for about two months now. I have known him for a year as well before dating. We spend all our weekends together, and he has told me he loves me and sees me in his future. Maybe I am making a big deal of things, but here is why I am confused. He does not ever want to see me on Sunday or Monday nights. Tonight I asked if I could come over and hang out to exchange x-mas gifts, and he said he was too tired, and felt sick. He then said that Monday nights are his nights to "prepare for the work week" and be alone. But he can do that on Sunday nights.

 

I feel as if a good boyfriend who loves his girlfriend, would want to see his girl at least more than the weekends. I told him that what is the big deal if I came over, and simply hung out and just watched tv or read, I just wanted to be with him. Am I clingy? In past relationships, usually when I want to see the boyfriend, he is just as happy to see me as well, no matter what night it is.

 

Anyhow, he refuses to see me on Monday and Sunday nights and usually on most other week nights. Should'nt a man who says he is inlove with you not say "no" to just chilling out on a couch and just being together? Maybe its me, I don't know. But his behavior makes me feel so insecure and that he is really not inlove with me. I have told him this, and every time I do, he says I am too volatile and then he hangs up on me. What should I feel? Is this a reason to disbelieve his "love" for me? I am not sure if I am right, or he is wrong. I would see him even if I felt sick and tired. It just seems that he only sees me when it is convenient for him, and when I want to see him, its always no and some excuse.

 

Please help me figure this out... How do I know if he really does love me, or is just using me because he "wants a giflriend"? Is he cheating on me? We are supposed to be exclusive. I love this guy, and I do NOT want to get my heart broken by him...advice needed here. Thanks for reading my post.

[Katherine]

I do not think you are making a big deal about this situation at all. If you do love each other, you naturally want to spend lots of time with each other. However, the two of you have only been dating for 2 months. There may be alot of reasons why he wants to have his own time during the week...

 

You will need to eventually address this issue of time spent together -- a relationship will suffer if one person feels neglected or lacks trust. I can only say that open communication is the only way to resolve this. When you choose to discuss this with him is really up to you. But probably the longer this issue lingers the more baggage it will create...you could try asking him again out for some type of weekday activity, and see what happens, give him another opportunity.

 

I'm hopeful that if you approach the issue without anger, resentment, or accusations you will have resolution. Good luck.

Dear Loveshackers, I have been dating a man 39, I am 28, for about two months now. I have known him for a year as well before dating. We spend all our weekends together, and he has told me he loves me and sees me in his future. Maybe I am making a big deal of things, but here is why I am confused. He does not ever want to see me on Sunday or Monday nights. Tonight I asked if I could come over and hang out to exchange x-mas gifts, and he said he was too tired, and felt sick. He then said that Monday nights are his nights to "prepare for the work week" and be alone. But he can do that on Sunday nights. I feel as if a good boyfriend who loves his girlfriend, would want to see his girl at least more than the weekends. I told him that what is the big deal if I came over, and simply hung out and just watched tv or read, I just wanted to be with him. Am I clingy? In past relationships, usually when I want to see the boyfriend, he is just as happy to see me as well, no matter what night it is. Anyhow, he refuses to see me on Monday and Sunday nights and usually on most other week nights. Should'nt a man who says he is inlove with you not say "no" to just chilling out on a couch and just being together? Maybe its me, I don't know. But his behavior makes me feel so insecure and that he is really not inlove with me. I have told him this, and every time I do, he says I am too volatile and then he hangs up on me. What should I feel? Is this a reason to disbelieve his "love" for me? I am not sure if I am right, or he is wrong. I would see him even if I felt sick and tired. It just seems that he only sees me when it is convenient for him, and when I want to see him, its always no and some excuse. Please help me figure this out... How do I know if he really does love me, or is just using me because he "wants a giflriend"? Is he cheating on me? We are supposed to be exclusive. I love this guy, and I do NOT want to get my heart broken by him...advice needed here. Thanks for reading my post.

[Laurynn]

No, I don't think you're making a big deal out of things at all. I find it very strange that he refuses to see you on Sundays or Monday nights. And didn't you say he doesn't want to see you on most of the other weeknights?

 

So you 2 basically spend Friday night and Saturdays together, that's it?

 

Have you ever been to his place?

 

Is there any chance that he's married?

 

I really don't like the way you tell him how you feel, he accuses you of being 'volatile' and then hangs up on you. That's a total crock of cow manure! Either he's immature or he doesn't understand the importance of communication in a relationship. You don't hang up on someone you supposedly love, even if they want to discuss something you don't. I find the whole thing very weird.

 

Hell, if it were me, I'd just be bold and pay a surprise visit to him on one of these nights that he doesn't want to get together...see what's really going on there. You damn well have a right to know. If he gives you hell for it, then I'd seriously consider re-evaluating this relationship..because frankly, it doesn't even sound like one.

 

Let us know what you find out

 

Laurynn