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boyfriend only interested in my money!!

Archive A collection of the original messages posted on's LoveTalk Forum from 1997-2001.

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Old 17th July 2001, 12:39 PM   #1
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boyfriend only interested in my money!!

i think my boyfriend is just interested in my money what should i do? we work together and every friday, i give him 90% of my check because he said he is going to pay me back but he hasnt yet!! what should i do?

Old 17th July 2001, 1:15 PM   #2
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Re: boyfriend only interested in my money!!

YOU ASK: "what should i do?"

I think you should seek immediate psychological counselling. There is a serious reason why any person would give 90 percent of their hard earned money each week to a guy who doesn't pay it back. This sort of pathology requires immediate psyciatric intervention.

My guess is that you do this, not out of sincere generosity, but out of a base of low self-esteem that calls for you to give all you can to get or keep love. You've probably done things like this in the past and have lost lots of money. The ploy never works. You will surely lose not only your money but your boyfriend as well in this situation...and become a fool to boot.

Immediately, get your boyfriend to sign a promissory note for every dime he has borrowed. Let him start making payments. I also think you should notify your employer. A guy this desperate for money may be a risk for theft and other problems for the company.

I'm REALLY GETTING MAD NOW. Any guy who would borrow a almost ALL of a lady's paycheck each week and not pay it back as agreed is a user, abuser, psychopath, scam artist, thief, scumbag, etc. Furthermore, what is he using the money for??? I hope he isn't buying things for some other chick.

In any event, DON'T LOAN HIM ANOTHER DIME. If he refuses to sign a promissory note, see an attorney. You may have to take him to court to get a judgement and if he spends money so fast the judgement you get may be worthless.

Also, get him to give you his social security number. If he doesn't pay you back, you can see your accountant about giving him a 1099 at the end of the year for all this money he got from you. It's now income for him and HE, not YOU, should pay the income tax on it. Your accountant will help you get all the taxes back that you have paid on this money and shift the burden to him.

See a counsellor as quickly as possible to get to the roots of why you would be so generous to your detriment. Honestly, it's just not sane to sign over almost all of your pay check each week to a man for any reason at all. I don't want to hurt your feelings but this is really a far out thing to do. There are so many guys who will love you without you having to do this.

I can understand him borrowing a few dollars here or there. But this is bizarre.

Finally, I'm now furious so understand that's where I'm coming from. Break up with this guy now and go for him with a vengeance. What does he tell you when you ask for your money...or some payments???

Gawd, I just feel so awful for you because this is 90 percent YOUR FAULT. Continuing to do something on a weekly basis like this and continuing not to get repaid is.... I'm sure there are issues from the past that make you so gullible and eager to go far out of your way to help people.

There's an old saying, "Show me a guy who'll give you the shirt off his back and I'll show you 100 who will take it." Stop allowing yourself to be be a doormat.

You aren't making this up, are you?

I feel so sick now.
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Old 17th July 2001, 1:16 PM   #3
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Re: boyfriend only interested in my money!!

What should you do? Don't give him any more of your money. Is he forcing you to give him your money? If so, report him to the police. Sounds like you are doing this of your own free will. Well, stop doing it. If he sticks around, then you'll know he's not after that.

You may never get the money back that he owes you. Chalk this one up to a learning experience, dear, or try to put him on a payment plan.

And if you're giving him 90% of your paycheck, what are you living on? How are you paying your rent? This sounds like a very weird situation to me.
i think my boyfriend is just interested in my money what should i do? we work together and every friday, i give him 90% of my check because he said he is going to pay me back but he hasnt yet!! what should i do? michelle
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Old 17th July 2001, 1:32 PM   #4
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Re: boyfriend only interested in my money!!

Hi Michelle!

You don't give us much to go on here. You say you work together, do you and your boyfriend live together? If you have a place to live and can take care of yourself, here is my suggestion:

This Friday when you get paid, KEEP 100% OF YOUR CHECK AND DUMP HIS ASS!!! Say bye, throw him out, whatever...

Then do whatever you have to do to keep him away from you and out of your life. If he's just interested in you for your money and you don't give him ANY, he will disappear on his own anyway. I hope you realize, you'll probably never see any of the money he says he'll pay back to you.

Good luck...

Old 17th July 2001, 2:09 PM   #5
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Re: boyfriend only interested in my money!!

Stop giving and start taking. If you think he's in it just for the money than I would suggest some kind of strategy to start getting your $ back. Don't give him anymore money. Also, did you make him write out an "IOU" or something like that or if you gave him personal checks did you put "Loan" on the for part? These are all things you can do that don't stand out as trust issues that will help you to protect your "investment" (if that's what you wanna call it) in the future.

Don't let yourself get played. I think you should not loan him anymore money for starters and then try to be nice but firm in asking him to start repaying the money you already loaned him. You have to have something to live on here and you won't if you keep handing over most of your paycheck to this guy. Do you two live together or something?

Also, I don't have a lot of info on the current state of your relationship but if you don't spend much time together and he only seems to come around when he needs something from you then you definitely have a problem. Think about it, don't jump to any conclusions but be cautious. I don't know how long you have been dating him but if it's not very long and he's already borrowing money then there may be a pattern to recognize there. It's hard to trust somebody you haven't known for long and even if you have there's always that chance. So be cautious, don't loan him anymore money and start asking for the money he already owes you.

Until you do that you won't know where you stand. Ask for your money back or ask to set up a system where he can start paying you back at least little by little and see what he says. If he's a "Gold Digger" then you'll be able to tell from his attitude.

You sound like a giving person and I am not knocking that at all, take it from someone who knows, sometimes you give too much and they don't give enough. After that all you wind up with is debt and hurt. Don't be too willing to come to his rescue all the time because it leads to co-dependency on both your parts.

Good luck to you!
i think my boyfriend is just interested in my money what should i do? we work together and every friday, i give him 90% of my check because he said he is going to pay me back but he hasnt yet!! what should i do? michelle
Old 17th July 2001, 7:00 PM   #6
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this isn't brain surgery....

Well gee, let's see now. Is he putting a gun to your head and forcing you to hand over 90% of your paycheck? No? So then why are you being so silly? Someone can only *use you* if you allow yourself to be used. Duh.



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