promiscuous girl friend

[Calvin]

This girl and I have been dating now for around 2-3 months. We get along well and communicate and are generally compatible. The problem is that she has a history of promiscuousness which I am only now finding out about. She has never sustained a relationship for any length of time. Has had a fair share of one night stands.

 

The problem is not that!! I don't expect to be dating the virgin mary herself. The problem is that I'm finding out that she has slept with a number of friends of mine who happen to be immature and brag about it to me. Needless to say it is not a pleasant feeling.

 

Now she knew that these ex-partners of hers are freinds of mine and that I would find out about her affairs before we were together. Shouldn't she have told me about them? I know I shouldn't care about how and who she was with before me as long as we have a smooth relationship but I'm finding all this new information dificult to deal with.

 

Any advice would be helpful.

[Tony T]

Your girlfriend assumed that you were smart enough to associate with gentlemen of morals and ethics, men who could keep their mouths shut about things like that. Not only was she not obligated to tell you about her past sexlife, but she had the class and decency not to.

 

I have been to weddings where a fourth of the female guests had slept with the groom...but they all had the decency and common sense to keep their mouths shut. Very often people who sleep together once or twice end up just being good friends. This is the new millenium, dude!!!

 

This is a definite reflection on YOU, not on your girlfriend. She has no obligation to identify her former sex partners, whether they are friends of yours or not. She was absolutely proper and ladylike to keep this information to herself. Your friends were lowlife sewer creatures for opening their mouths. She obviously has a lot of decency and class that your immature, scumbag, slimebucket friends sadly lack.

 

To underscore just how worthless these guys are, a one-night stand occurs when a girl is fond of a guy and makes a decision to sleep with him...TRUSTING THAT HE WILL CALL HER TO CONTINUE TO EXPLORE THE RELATIONSHIP. These became one-night stands because your rotten friends never called your girlfriend back to ask her out again. Well, in a way they did you a favor because had they been decent, one of them would probably be her boyfriend now. You are lucky to have her because you are a much better person than them in many ways and she is lucky to have you for the same reason.

 

And don't for a minute judge your girlfriend because of her past. She has been with you a good while and probably searched a long time for someone like you who would value her and her love enough to keep her in their lives and treat her respectably. Your dirtbag friends certainly weren't what she was looking for. You are!!! Please don't disappoint her by letting your wormy friends screw up a really nice relationship.

 

Therefore, it would be my advice to review your friendships at this time. Drop these morons you've been associating with, and find some friends who have manners, class, style, education, principles, etc., the kind of men you could be proud to have as friends. If you make the choice to keep them, send them to charm school to learn some manners.

 

Any person alive who would tell you they had slept with your girlfriend is not only NOT your friend, but someone with the manners of a snake, the morals of bacteria, and the class of fungus. Do you really want to have that around you???

 

Now, go look in the mirror and see just who picked these dorks to be friends. When the next "friend" comes up to you and brags about having slept with your girlfriend, in the past when she was NOT your girlfriend, you can look in the mirror to identify the person you should really be pissed off at.

[kimmi]

This girl and I have been dating now for around 2-3 months. We get along well and communicate and are generally compatible. The problem is that she has a history of promiscuousness which I am only now finding out about. She has never sustained a relationship for any length of time. Has had a fair share of one night stands. The problem is not that!! I don't expect to be dating the virgin mary herself. The problem is that I'm finding out that she has slept with a number of friends of mine who happen to be immature and brag about it to me. Needless to say it is not a pleasant feeling. Now she knew that these ex-partners of hers are freinds of mine and that I would find out about her affairs before we were together. Shouldn't she have told me about them? I know I shouldn't care about how and who she was with before me as long as we have a smooth relationship but I'm finding all this new information dificult to deal with. Any advice would be helpful.

the only thing that you should be concerned about would be if it was safe sex?

 

that should be your only concern, not the number of people that she was sexual with.

[neo]

this is in context of calvin's post below who seems to have morality issues regarding his girlfriends past sex life. i have a few questions upon which i would like different peoples take.

 

tony says that a one night stand occurs only when the girl is interested in furthering contact with a man but the man does not call. i know from personal experience that that is not entirely accurate. while i sympathise with the sentiment i can not entirely convince myself of its validity. suppose the girl just wanted sex from these guys and within calvin's morality this is unacceptable!!?? isn't the relationship doomed then??

 

stanley kubrick in his last film eyes wide shut deals with similar issues where a man's sense of morality and what comprises of cheating in his mind nearly ruins what seems a perfect marriage. it is not really all highly subjective and dependant on the people involved??

[swim]

unfortunately i think that this issue should not be subjective. if you have chosen to go out and date someone then what they have done in the past is of no concern to you. well at least it shouldn't be! it is their business alone. if you can not handle it then its your problem so please do not inflict pain on others because of problems that you have. do not jdge others. be happy as long as the situation is good between you!!

 

best of luck!

[Bubbles]

Calvin,

 

How are you going to react to a situation like this one when you are 35? and the "girl" you are interested in has

 

has someone else's child? are you going to obsess with that also. It would be great to think that the person that you are in love with has never been in love before but that's not real life. Stop having visuals, live in the now.

 

This girl and I have been dating now for around 2-3 months. We get along well and communicate and are generally compatible. The problem is that she has a history of promiscuousness which I am only now finding out about. She has never sustained a relationship for any length of time. Has had a fair share of one night stands. The problem is not that!! I don't expect to be dating the virgin mary herself. The problem is that I'm finding out that she has slept with a number of friends of mine who happen to be immature and brag about it to me. Needless to say it is not a pleasant feeling. Now she knew that these ex-partners of hers are freinds of mine and that I would find out about her affairs before we were together. Shouldn't she have told me about them? I know I shouldn't care about how and who she was with before me as long as we have a smooth relationship but I'm finding all this new information dificult to deal with. Any advice would be helpful.