Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 My kids are having their school Christmas concert tonight. My girlfriend of nearly a year is planning on attending. My ex-wife will most likely also be there. They have never met and I'm worried about it being awkward. My relationship with my ex has not always been great. She initiated the divorce and honestly I still don't know why (this was in August 2015). She has been with a guy a don't like since February 2016. He's a creep. Mean to my kids. She apparently kicked him out several weeks ago - the emotional abuse and everything else just got to be too much. He's still not "gone" gone. We sort of get along. We can share the same space together and it's not exactly every warm and friendly, but it works. My ex works Tuesday nights. She did not attend last year, but I have not heard otherwise this year. I have to assume she'll be there. I'm just not sure how to handle. In the past - we'd sit together. This is the first year I've had a significant other (she never brought her creepy boyfriend to anything like this...I think because he probably didn't want to go). I'm going to sit with my girlfriend. They split the concert in half. My daughter is in the first half and my son is in the second...so one kid will be with us at all times. I don't want to give my ex the cold shoulder...but I'm anxious about it being weird. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Sit with your girlfriend and allow your children to sit with your ex. And be pleasant. It is a children's concert and there will likely be a bunch of people there. You can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 If she's there it will be weird. But that's ok. Not everything in life has to be comfortable, right? Just seat yourself between your GF and your child, and if the ex choose to sit with you, she can sit on the other side of the child. Or she and the child can sit a few rows away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 If she's there it will be weird. But that's ok. Not everything in life has to be comfortable, right? Just seat yourself between your GF and your child, and if the ex choose to sit with you, she can sit on the other side of the child. Or she and the child can sit a few rows away. Thanks for the advice! The majority of my loyalty is with my girlfriend. I could never tell her to stay home or to hide or anything like that. However - despite the sometimes contentious nature of our co-parenting relationship - I do want to be considerate of my ex-wife. They're her kids, too. You're right. Not everything can always be comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 If I were the GF here, I would opt out of going to not let any drama get in the way of what should be a peaceful family event...And if I were you, and she was expecting to go, I might suggest she doesn't for the same reasons... While on the one hand, if you are now a "couple" the GF should be able to share in these events....Sometimes though, you need to weigh the good vs the bad and pick your spots...This is one of those times.. TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 If I were the GF here, I would opt out of going to not let any drama get in the way of what should be a peaceful family event...And if I were you, and she was expecting to go, I might suggest she doesn't for the same reasons... While on the one hand, if you are now a "couple" the GF should be able to share in these events....Sometimes though, you need to weigh the good vs the bad and pick your spots...This is one of those times.. TFY I'd definitely consider us a couple. A complicating factor is that my kids are excited for her to go. I just don't see it as an option to have her sit it out at this point. I don't anticipate any drama...just awkwardness. My ex is well aware of my girlfriend. I'm sure my kids talk about her on a regular basis. They're going to cross paths eventually. I just want to be very aware/considerate of the situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I just want to be very aware/considerate of the situation. I'd let your Ex know in advance GF is coming, nothing dramatic, just "coming with Jane Tuesday night, see you there..." From experience, first time can be strange for everyone... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 I'd let your Ex know in advance GF is coming, nothing dramatic, just "coming with Jane Tuesday night, see you there..." From experience, first time can be strange for everyone... Mr. Lucky Great idea!! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Do make sure both women know the other will be there. Sort of smile & wave from across the room. Say hello if you have to. Shake hands. talk about how wonderfully the kids performed & leave it at that. Civil. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Do NOT sit together. It's creepy. The kids can move around and visit you both. Just don't let her "save" a set for you or anything. Be vague. Tell her you're not sure when you'll get there. Come in and sit in the back until the lights go down and then move up closer where the kids can find you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 Thank you all for the advice! It's been very helpful and I feel better about everything. I feel like I have a better grasp on how I can make it as painless for everyone as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 It turned out to be a non-issue. My ex-wife was not able to make it due to work, but eventually it will happen...so thanks again for the advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 I My ex-wife was not able to make it due to work, Did you tell her GF was coming? The cynic in me wonders if this was a coincidence... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 Did you tell her GF was coming? The cynic in me wonders if this was a coincidence... Mr. Lucky I never got the chance. She told me she wasn't going to make it before I had a chance to reach out to her. Maybe she had an inkling that she'd be there? The kids might have said something. She didn't make it last year, either. She's a hair stylist and works Tuesday nights - so it would have required leaving work early. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 She told me she wasn't going to make it before I had a chance to reach out to her. Maybe she had an inkling that she'd be there? The kids might have said something. Given her schedule and normal routine, it would appear more than likely that it was just work. However, the positive is that this was a good 'dry run' to test out your own emotions and responses for when this becomes a real situation. If I may, I commend you for your desire to make everyone feel as at ease as possible. . I would offer that it would be okay to share, with your girlfriend, that you have some concerns about it; and ask how she feels, and what you two, together, can brainstorm for best solution(s). In your girlfriend's shoes, it wouldn't hurt for me to have my eyes opened to your considerate nature. . Wishing you and yours the best over the Holidays. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrschaney Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 I dont think the girlfriend should be there unless youre engaged. If engaged she should be there and the three of you need to get used to being around each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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