Why is money so important?

[Kat]

Why do peple keep reminding people to make sure they get child support of the other parent?

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

 

Is the world really that materalistic that they care about what they ca buy their child, rather than provide?

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Kat

Why do peple keep reminding people to make sure they get child support of the other parent?

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

 

Is the world really that materalistic that they care about what they ca buy their child, rather than provide?

 

Well speaking only generally, I think child support comes up a lot because in a lot of these cases, it's obvious that the father is NOT going to be a part of the child's life by virtue of the father's actions - and the law can't force a man to step up the plate and be an active father ( be there for the birth, help raise the baby, play an active role in the child's life, be a good role model, etc)..............but the law CAN make them pay child support.

 

It takes 2 to make a baby, the woman shouldn't have to bear the costs herself - it's not cheap to have a baby or raise a child and some pregnant women don't have a lot of support systems nor are they in the financial position to not need child support.

[orta]

Originally posted by Kat

Why do peple keep reminding people to make sure they get child support of the other parent?

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

 

Is the world really that materalistic that they care about what they ca buy their child, rather than provide?

 

In order to live, a person must have money. In order to provide for a child, or a family, a person must have money. Money is essential in this world. I have come to think that people who say "money is the most important thing in the world" are not too far off the mark. I don't know if money is, in fact, the most important thing in the world, but without money, a person doesn't have much of a life.

 

Child support is very important, and both parents should be contributing financially for a child's future and development. Without money, a child may not be able to have what he or she needs in life.

 

I do know of some parents who use child support money for themselves, and I'm sure this happens more often than I would like to know about. The money is supposed to be used to invest in a child's future, the child's education, and well-being. For parents who use such money responsibly, I can understand why they feel child support payments are so important.

[Kat]

Millions of single parents get by without support from the other partner....so why can some do it, but not others?

[LittleMiss]

Yes many single parents, like myself, support their children with no help from the other parent. We do it because we have to. I work my butt off while my son's father is being a bum knowing that I'm taking care of his child. Having a child is expensive. Most people plan to have a child and save for years so they will be prepared. When you have an unexpected pregnancy it's even harder.

 

Diapers cost money.

Day care is expensive.

They grow out of clothes and shoes every few months.

Educational toys and playthings cost money.

Food cost money.

 

I just recently stopped receiving child support because the butt-hole doesn't know how to keep a job. It's harder now. I'm pinching pennies anywhere I can. I don't think it's fair that I have to be the one to worry about how I'm going to afford this and that for my son. He should help too and that is why it's important for you to seek child support.

[Moose]

There is one way to solve all of this. Don't have sex before you're married. If you get married, have children, then get divorced, then most of the time you're stuck having to fight for your money......the child pays for the parent's selfishness, and sorry to say this......some parents don't care that the child suffers.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Kat

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

Both are equally impt for a child, the money and spending time/emotiional support. BUT....if I could only choose one, I'd pick the money.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Kat

Millions of single parents get by without support from the other partner....so why can some do it, but not others?

 

Um, hello? Why SHOULD any Mom have to do without child support? It's a law. If the guy helped to make the baby, he's legally (not to mention morally) obligated to help financially support that child.

 

I can see where you're going with this Kat and I think it's a little arrogant. Having been a single Mom yourself, I do recall that you had the luxury of moving in with your Mom and brother - you didn't obviously have to worry about affording a roof over your and your child's head, a babysitter, etc. Not everyone has family they can run back home to.

 

You're currently living with a guy (who's not the father of your first child) and I'm sure he's helping you out tremendously - helping to put a roof over your and your child's head, paying for groceries, utilities, etc. Where would you be now if you didn't have him and you didn't have family to live with? Do you think it would be so simple to get a full time job, afford a decent place to live, pay for daycare, etc etc?

 

Seems you're sitting in judgment of women whose children are entitled by law to child support - all because you maybe had the support that many women don't have. What's your deal here?

[Moose]

Originally posted by shygurl

Um, hello? Why SHOULD any Mom have to do without child support? It's a law. If the guy helped to make the baby, he's legally (not to mention morally) obligated to help financially support that child.

 

I can see where you're going with this Kat and I think it's a little arrogant. Having been a single Mom yourself, I do recall that you had the luxury of moving in with your Mom and brother - you didn't obviously have to worry about affording a roof over your and your child's head, a babysitter, etc. Not everyone has family they can run back home to.

 

You're currently living with a guy (who's not the father of your first child) and I'm sure he's helping you out tremendously - helping to put a roof over your and your child's head, paying for groceries, utilities, etc. Where would you be now if you didn't have him and you didn't have family to live with? Do you think it would be so simple to get a full time job, afford a decent place to live, pay for daycare, etc etc?

 

Seems you're sitting in judgment of women whose children are entitled by law to child support - all because you maybe had the support that many women don't have. What's your deal here?

There are two types of mothers shygurl. Those who don't worry where the next dime is coming from because they are self-sufficient, then there are those who worry constantly, because they're not. The latter is usually the one griping, complaining and fighting for their support......I don't think the OP is that way. You shouldn't be throwing stones at that glass house.

[d'Arthez]

General full-employment at decent wages is still not practice in the US, Moose. What makes you think that all single moms can work 40 hours a week, pay for day-care, health-care et cetera? Some of the might be working in minimum wage jobs, so they don't even have these luxuries.

 

Don't blame whomever takes care of the kids for not having landed a $95,000 job / year. Being a parent is a societal duty, people do for $0 / year. If you want to prevent paying for child-support, be in a relationship with the other parent. But that is often not possible. Don't blame the parents of the kids for that.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Moose

There are two types of mothers shygurl. Those who don't worry where the next dime is coming from because they are self-sufficient, then there are those who worry constantly, because they're not. The latter is usually the one griping, complaining and fighting for their support......I don't think the OP is that way. You shouldn't be throwing stones at that glass house.

 

Well that's fine that the OP is perhaps not this way NOW - but I do recall her struggles from years ago about having to deal with her first child's deadbeat loser of a Dad - guess you weren't around here then, hey?

 

I think it's really rude and condescending for a single Mom herself (she wasn't married to her first child's Dad nor is she married to the Dad of her unborn child now, though she's shacked up with him) to look down on other single Moms who just might have been left/put into a position where they need child support. Do you think raising kids is free? Should we just let deadbeat Dads right off the hook? It took 2 to make that baby - if he can't be man enough to be a proper Dad, the least he can do is provide proper child support so that that child can at least have the basics: food, diapers, medical care, clothing, etc.

 

And like I said, Kat had family to help her out - I'm sure she wasn't paying rent for all the time she lived with them. Between her Mom and her brother, she had free babysitters. How can she diss those who need child support when obviously not every single Mom out there can just move back in with their family?

 

Now she's living with a guy - chances are, based on what she's posted in the past, she's not likely paying a dime. He's likely the one paying the mortgage (all of it), paying the utilities, the groceries...........well gee, I guess she's got it made in the shade. If it weren't for HIM, she WOULD need child support. You obviously don't know all the details here.

[Moose]

What makes you think that all single moms can work 40 hours a week, pay for day-care, health-care et cetera?

IT can, and has been done. Nobody can deny that. I have living proof. And from one mom who couldn't even speak English for the first 10 years she was in the States......

Do you think raising kids is free?

You're talking to somone who's raising five of them. I know what it costs.

Should we just let deadbeat Dads right off the hook?

NO I don't. Me and my siblings would've had a better life had my, "Dead Beat Dad", paid his child support. But my mom didn't and never counted on it. She made due with what she could. We turned out just fine.

If it weren't for HIM, she WOULD need child support.

You don't know that for certain.

You obviously don't know all the details here.

And you obviously are missing the point. The OP had valid questions, you took for granted she's coming down on mothers. I don't see it that way......I see someone who's curious why it works for some and not others.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Moose

IT can, and has been done. Nobody can deny that. I have living proof.

 

You can become President of the United States. All 250,000,000 or so who are born on US soil. Problem is there is only 1 job. So how the 250,000,000 people are going to get that job at one point is a mystery to me. Enlighten me.

 

There are simply not enough well paying jobs for that. If there is 1 job for every 10 persons in that situation at least 90 percent of these people are not going to make that kind of money. You don't can't expect these moms and dads to all land these jobs , if they are not there.

[Moose]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

You can become President of the United States. All 250,000,000 or so who are born on US soil. Problem is there is only 1 job. So how the 250,000,000 people are going to get that job at one point is a mystery to me. Enlighten me.

 

There are simply not enough well paying jobs for that. If there is 1 job for every 10 persons in that situation at least 90 percent of these people are not going to make that kind of money. You don't can't expect these moms and dads to all land these jobs , if they are not there.

d'Arthez, I'm not going to go off-topic with you trying to explain how it can be done. I know for a fact it can be, by just about anyone. Sure, the majority would need medicaid, food stamps, WIC, welfare.......but it can be done. I know many single moms and dads that get along just fine without the support of the other parent, many of them making less the 9 bucks an hour. This answers one of the OP's questions on how some can, and some can't.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Moose

d'Arthez, I'm not going to go off-topic with you trying to explain how it can be done. I know for a fact it can be, by just about anyone. Sure, the majority would need medicaid, food stamps, WIC, welfare.......but it can be done. I know many single moms and dads that get along just fine without the support of the other parent, many of them making less the 9 bucks an hour. This answers one of the OP's questions on how some can, and some can't.

 

Just because it CAN be done ,is that any reason why a woman shouldn't receive the child support she's, by law/the courts, entitled to - for her child/children?

 

Do you want to send a message to deadbeat Dads out there that the Moms of their children should just try to suck it up and find their OWN way to support the children? This isn't the dark ages, Moose. If a man helps to make a baby ,he should damn well AT LEAST pay child support - he owes the child that much.

[Merin]

Why is Child Support important..

 

Clothing for growing children

Shoes for growing children

School supplies

Food.. crazy uh? Little people like to eat.. who knew?

Housing

Day Care

Lessons (swimming, ballet, whatever.. it isn't cheap)

Medical/Dental

 

Raising Kiddo's isn't easy and it isn't cheap.

Regardless if you're a Single Mom or Single Dad you are BOTH responsible to take care of your offspring emotionally, mentally and financially.

 

Just because Mom and Dad couldn't make it work for whatever reasons, it doesn't void the responsibility they both have to thier little people.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Moose

And you obviously are missing the point. The OP had valid questions, you took for granted she's coming down on mothers. I don't see it that way......I see someone who's curious why it works for some and not others.

 

It's arrogant and hypocritical for someone who had the support of family and who now has a free ride with their live-in boyfriend to look their nose down at single moms in general and ask WHY they need child support - making the rude accusation of it being all about money. She was obviously never in the situation where she was all alone with her child - totally all alone ...............such that she didn't know how she was going to be able to put a roof over her head, or with a sick child and no health insurance, or on her last dime but needed diapers and formula.

 

It's about as arrogant as someone sitting in their custom designed gourmet kitchen, eating steak and lobster and posting on a message board snidely asking why people have to use food stamps.

 

And the OP greatly overestimates when she says "millions" of women can get by without child support.

 

Just because you're living proof that a Mom can support her children without child support, great......my hat is off to your Mom but you likely don't have any idea, the hell she went through raising 5 children on her own - I'm sure she didn't tell you about the nights she cried herself to sleep because she didn't know how she was going to be able to carry on. Don't make it sound like it was such a snap.

 

And based on your picture, I'm guessing that was about 40 yrs ago. Times are different now, it's much more expensive to live now. It's much more expensive to raise children.

[Moose]

See what I mean about you jumping to conclusions? I clearly told you I don't believe parents who owe support should get away without paying it.

 

What I am saying is that it is possible to live without it. I'm not in any way sending a message to anyone that they shouldn't pay what they owe.

 

Lighten up would ya?

 

BTW, my mom had four kids, and I know first hand how difficult it was. You haven't got any clue...........

[LittleMiss]

I'm sure we all agree that it CAN be done. I'm doing it and I make under 9 dollars an hour. I also receive $89 of food stamps monthly and my son is on Medicaid. I wish I didn't have to be on any kind of welfare, but that's what I have to do to support my son. I do what I have to, but at the same time so should his father.

 

He should be stepping up and trying to provide for his son. The reality of it is that he's not. He's not in his life, and not trying to be. The last time my son saw his father was the day after Christmas. That last payment of Child Support I received was on April 6th and it was a payment of $26.00. He doesn't call to check on him or anything. He's a loser.

[Merin]

Originally posted by gtab

I'm sure we all agree that it CAN be done. I'm doing it and I make under 9 dollars an hour. I also receive $89 of food stamps monthly and my son is on Medicaid. I wish I didn't have to be on any kind of welfare, but that's what I have to do to support my son. I do what I have to, but at the same time so should his father.

 

He should be stepping up and trying to provide for his son. The reality of it is that he's not. He's not in his life, and not trying to be. The last time my son saw his father was the day after Christmas. That last payment of Child Support I received was on April 6th and it was a payment of $26.00. He doesn't call to check on him or anything. He's a loser.

 

Jeez Girl, thats sucky!

 

I agree as well, it isn't that it can't be done it's that there isn't any reason for it!

Your Son's Dad better stand the hell by.. Karma's a beeotch

[LittleMiss]

It's cool though. The way I see it is he is the one missing out on seeing his son grow up. I'm the one that's going to have all the memories. Maybe when he is older he will realize what he did wrong. By that time, it might be too late. I'm not going to lie to my son if he ever asks me about his father.

[Kat]

Originally posted by shygurl

Now she's living with a guy - chances are, based on what she's posted in the past, she's not likely paying a dime. He's likely the one paying the mortgage (all of it), paying the utilities, the groceries

Actually that isn't true at all. So to you, as a mother, I am either leeching off the father of the child or a new man as there is no way a woman can be self reliant in this day and age? I am sorry you took my first post as an attack, it wasn't meant to be that way. But I think the soap box that you got on is a bit unfair.

[Kat]

Originally posted by gtab

It's cool though. The way I see it is he is the one missing out on seeing his son grow up. I'm the one that's going to have all the memories. Maybe when he is older he will realize what he did wrong.

 

BINGO! No money in the world can buy that, so really it is a long way down the line of needs in a child's life (in my opinion). Which is why the purpose of my post. So many parents (mothers and fathers) send money and nothing else. No visits, no hugs, no time spent with the children and then when the child is all grown up, all they wanted was a mum or a dad to be there*.

 

Now for those that took my post wrong, I never directed it at single parents, I directed it at everyone. Again, I am sorry anyone felt attacked by it.

 

*and in some cases they don't because they never lacked in that area and money or no money wouldn't have changed a thing in their life.

[RecordProducer]

No, Kat, not everyone is materialistic. Whether the father will spend time with the child is completely up to him while financial support can be obtained without his approval. Children need a lot of things in order to be happy. Many of them can be provided with money such as home, clothes, toys, food, college, etc.

However as much as I don't want to defend a point that a man can sleep with a woman and dump her when she gets pregnant and never see or financially support the child, I also don't think that a woman has the right to have a baby with a man who doesn't want the baby and then ask for financial support. If the woman has a legal and medical right to do whatever she wants with her body and she decides to have a baby then she should be financially responsible for it.

That's why contraception and abortion should be discussed early in the sexual relationship.

[d'Arthez]

However as much as I don't want to defend a point that a man can sleep with a woman and dump her when she gets pregnant and never see or financially support the child, I also don't think that a woman has the right to have a baby with a man who doesn't want the baby and then ask for financial support. If the woman has a legal and medical right to do whatever she wants with her body and she decides to have a baby then she should be financially responsible for it.

 

Things are a bit more complicated than that.

 

If it is your own body, then no one including bf / husband / whoever has a right to deny you its integrity, its beauty. Is any hurtful remark your partner may make over your body sufficient cause to sue the sh*t out of him / her? Nope. Does that make it okay to make these hurtful remarks? No.

 

There is a big difference between the moral attitudes of people and the legal obligations.

Unless you know your partner completely you can't be certain of what he or she thinks. People are not static entities. And most often they are not rational creatures either - both in preferences and in ways of dealing with situations.

The same with having kids. Attitudes change. Some people have a hard time entertaining the possibility of that.

 

Pregnancy is a responsibility of 2 people, not just the woman. Those two people have to make the decisions. How often does it not happen, that if the father does not want the child, he makes an enormous guilt trip, effectively forcing the woman to "choose" for an abortion? Can these women sue the sh*t out of these men for emotional damage? No. The same if the woman wants an abortion, but the man wants to keep it.

 

If the man does not want the child, but the woman chooses to keep it, the mere preference of an abortion, does not absolve the man for taking at least the legal responsibilities he has towards the child.

 

As for the need of the money it is obvious. How can a child be happy if it is malnourished? If it has to be locked in its bedroom, because its mother or father has to work in a crappy job paying little over $5, and can't afford a sitter? Or do you prefer that its parents is going to rob banks, or deal in cocaine or something like that? After all, that is the entrepreneurial spirit . Not everybody has millionaire parents, who can offer support.

 

Why a child should be denied child support is totally beyond me. If the father or mother is not paying for it I would strongly support the State / Federal government paying for it. It will improve the health and mental strength of the child, thus increasing the chances that the kid becomes a responsible citizen. At least, that is what ideology holds to be true in the US, if I am not mistaken.

If you believe in progressive taxation, the costs will flow back to the State / Federal government in due time. If you don't believe in that, it are the poor who are paying for the measure anyway.