Beckiboo Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Ive been aware for about 5 months that my 18 yo sons girlfriend and his friend have been having sex with his friend for about 6 months. My daughter whos 19 found out from her friends at school about them hooking up every other day when my son would be home ( like today ) From what my daughter got from the others is the theyve been liking each other for a while and she got attracted to him when he started playing sports and exercising. She said that they she wants to be with his friend but he dosent want to be a boyfriend. She's addicted to him because the sex is better...wow I know that my sons personally not the confrontational type or the one to initiate a fight so I'm wondering what would happen if he found out?? Im trying to look the other way and let teens handle their own business but im finding myself to be feeling guilty for not telling him. My daughter said that she sont think anything big would happen if he found out. Should I try to get her to tell him whats going on instead ??? Any opinions PLEASE??? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Wow, that's a tough one. I do think parents should stay out of their kids relationships as much as possible, but if this girl has been banging the friend for six months and your son is clueless it might be time to make an exception. It would be better if he found out on his own I think. My first thought is that your daughter could confront the girlfriend and your son's friend. This kind of humiliation is going to be painful as hell. If your daughter confronts and the girl breaks it off... or maybe your daughter should just tell him everything. That would only be part 1 though. He's going to need to grow a pair to deal with her and the so called friend. I can't believe it's gone on this long and nobody has told him. I do think your daughter is probably the better messenger, assuming that she's kind and mature and can handle it well. Plus she is the source. I don't have a definitive answer. All the options are undesirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 "Friends" told daughter who told you? Nah, I'd stay out of it. Third-hand information is rarely reliable, and anyway at his age, anything you say against his girlfriend would push him closer to her, lol. His sister can tell him if she wishes. All you can do is be supportive. I DO think that if you're posting private information about your kids like that, you shouldn't be having your real pic up as an avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Tell your son what you have learned. If you don't tell him, when he finds out that 2 of the most important people to him -- his GF & his buddy -- have betrayed him that hurt will be compounded by finding out his own parent knew & didn't say anything. You are supposed to be his biggest champion in the world. Act like it. Just tell him what you heard. Let him do what he wants & support him no matter what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Tell your son what you have learned. If you don't tell him, when he finds out that 2 of the most important people to him -- his GF & his buddy -- have betrayed him that hurt will be compounded by finding out his own parent knew & didn't say anything. You are supposed to be his biggest champion in the world. Act like it. Just tell him what you heard. Let him do what he wants & support him no matter what. She doesn't really KNOW anything, though - this is what her daughter told her based on what people in school are saying. Neither she nor her daughter actually has first-hand information about anything. This could just be my experience, but IME high school gossip is rampant and frequently untrue. Kids in high school will say anything about anyone, and I don't think it's a parent's role to help propagate high school gossip. If she herself (or the sister) had actually seen something, that would be a different story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beckiboo Posted September 9, 2018 Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 Tell your son what you have learned. If you don't tell him, when he finds out that 2 of the most important people to him -- his GF & his buddy -- have betrayed him that hurt will be compounded by finding out his own parent knew & didn't say anything. You are supposed to be his biggest champion in the world. Act like it. Just tell him what you heard. Let him do what he wants & support him no matter what. Do you think the poster above is right??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 I still think you have to disclose that the rumor is out there. Do couch your statements carefully that this is what you heard, you have no facts & unsubstantiated HS rumors are rampant. This is your SON we're talking about not an adult you know casually. Also take your son to the doctor. Get him checked for STDs. Make sure he has medical info & knows about condoms etc. If you have a sexually active teen you have a responsibility to keep him safe, even from his own raging hormones. Do not tell him that his girlfriend is a bad or amoral / unethical person of questionable virtue. Tell him you heard these bad things & you thought he should know too so he can get to the bottom of it or work with her to dispel the nasty rumors. Don't push him one way or the other. Just love him enough to prevent him from getting blind sided. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 I think you started a thread about this before and my answer is still the same. Tell your son what you have heard because if he finds out you and his sister have known about this and didn't tell him he will be more than hurt. Let him find out if it's true or not. There seems to be too much detail for it to be a lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 "All that is required for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." There are one of two evils at work here: 1). the cheating GF / best buddy or 2). the gossipy other kids. As the adult parent you have an obligation to stop one or both. By bringing the gossip to your son's attention he can either clear up the damage to his reputation & that of his friends or he can stick up for himself & walk away from false friends. Either outcome has him better off then being in the dark. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beckiboo Posted September 9, 2018 Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 I think you started a thread about this before and my answer is still the same. Tell your son what you have heard because if he finds out you and his sister have known about this and didn't tell him he will be more than hurt. Let him find out if it's true or not. There seems to be too much detail for it to be a lie. What stood out to you ?? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 I think stillafool is referring to this thread - https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/661234-my-brothers-girlfriend-having-sex-his-friend-our-younger-brother Exactly the same situation except this time it's the 19yo girl wanting advice about telling her brother that he's being cheated on by his girlfriend. Given the situations are nearly identical, the advice given to her is the same advice which should be given to you: you must tell him what you've heard. How would you feel if he got an STD from her and you'd done nothing to try and alert him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 You need to tell him what you’ve heard. Also, it would be a good time to point out to him that, while you’re not telling him what to do, he should never accept someone treating him badly in a relationship. By staying silent, you’re downplaying what’s happening and turning a blind eye to someone treating your son in such a way. After you tell him, leave it at that if he seems to not want to talk about it. This isn’t info I’d keep from my son. Not ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 Beckiboo There was another thread on here a while back where a mother asked for advice in the same situation. Only in that thread she learned that her son's GF was cheating with the son's best friend from her best friend. In that thread the adult woman told the OP what the GF's mother told the adult friend, that she the GF's mother had walked in on her daughter & the buddy. The stories are awfully similarly only here your daughter repeated a rumor whose origins we don't know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beckiboo Posted September 10, 2018 Author Share Posted September 10, 2018 Oh ok. I saw it but no thats not my family Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 Oh ok. I saw it but no thats not my family Still, the advice given to them is also relevant to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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