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Ex says watching kids is a favor!?!


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Old 29th July 2018, 5:49 PM   #31
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If I'm remembering correctly, OP ex had full custody of the kids while she was putting her energy and efforts elsewhere. I would imagine he feels he has done her a great deal of favors.

The thing is, even with your own kids, in this situation you have to have boundaries. You being upset or not understanding his stance is par for the course as it relates to the relationship between the two of you.

On the legal side, I would be careful about him having too much of your time, he could be keeping records and use it against you in the future.
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Old 29th July 2018, 5:57 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by TunaCat View Post
Someone else said "eight hours a day several days a week all summer is a ton" Yes it is, so why is it okay for a dad not to get crucified for that but if a mom said that, she'd be crucified?
I'm a mom and Im the one who said it and I said it because that's how I'd feel if my ex-h swooped in and said I had to take the kids all that extra time. My policy is to take my kids all the extra time I can get them. But this seems like it's so much that his share is going from 50% to maybe 70%, that's huge. I'd have trouble just getting the stuff I need to get done done.
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Old 29th July 2018, 6:08 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by TunaCat View Post
I think my issue with it is the guy calling it a "favor" They're his kids too, so it's shouldn't be called a favor, it should be called "being a father" He should WANT to spend as much time with them as possible. And before I get yelled at, no I don't have kids, but I am both a child & adult of divorce and have seen my younger brother being treated as not important by his father, so this strikes a nerve with me.

Someone else said "eight hours a day several days a week all summer is a ton" Yes it is, so why is it okay for a dad not to get crucified for that but if a mom said that, she'd be crucified?
So you are projecting you're experience onto this dad and judging him unfairly. He obviously loves his kids as he takes care of them 75% of the time. He isn't being a bad father, he just bristled at being expected to also have to pick the kids up on moms days as well. Where is the moms willingness to compromise and meet him half way? If he's taking on the lions share of providing child care then it makes sense that she be willing to do the drop offs and pick ups. As it is the dad said he is willing to go back to the original schedule where he does the travelling on his days. So that would have him doing 75% of the childcare and 50% of the travelling and he's being crucified for that. He's the one being accommodating but he's the bad guy?

And by the way I have seen divorced moms complain here and in real life that they are being forced to do more than 50% of the childcare or that dad didn't take the kids on his weekend so her plans got ruined and no the mother did not get crucified for it. In that case the father still got crucified for not being responsible, for not sticking to the agreed upon 50\50 schedule. As a matter of fact if the OP of this thread had said that dad had gotten a job and he now needed her to take care of the kids on his days and that was an inconvenience to her, certain posters would still side with her and attack the dad.
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Old 29th July 2018, 6:10 PM   #34
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Your ex is already providing you with free daycare on your days and you want him to do more? What he does with his time on his days off are no longer your concern or business.
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Old 30th July 2018, 9:26 AM   #35
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I can see a few people took certain aspects of this post personally.

For myself, I think below the surface the issue was the lingering resentment for my ex not working while we were married and having to carry the financial burden 100% myself which is still the case. In addition to other events where he failed to be there for the kids as a father, more than just physically.

And yes, I think some jealousy and guilt that I do have to work and can't be with them those days. It's not a favor for something I "want".

What he does in his off time isn't my business, except as it relates to the kids.

I can't see him as not the father of my kids and pretend he has no obligation to them. At the same time I can choose to be grateful he's not a deadbeat and does anything at all though and that I don't have to pay for childcare. I am trying to hold both of those truths.

DKT, being a stay at home parent while married is not the same as having full custody while married.

Regardless, the surface issue the op was about is resolved between my ex and I. It was just an idea that wasn't going to work and brought up some feelings. We are all good. Thank you for your perspectives.
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Old 30th July 2018, 9:38 AM   #36
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Regardless, the surface issue the op was about is resolved between my ex and I. It was just an idea that wasn't going to work and brought up some feelings. We are all good.
Good to hear, at the end of the day when co-parenting that's the goal. It sounds like you have a cooperative set-up many divorced parents would envy...

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