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Old 10th June 2017, 11:26 PM   #31
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What I will say is that without wanting to sound like I'm having a go at you, Lynn, it seems like a lot of your problems could be easily fixed. Right now, you are in a rut. The good thing is is that a lot of your problems could be fixed relatively easily. As many have said above, start by getting a car.

You seem very down and negative, which I'm sure is no fun for you feeling this way. You may need to seek help from a professional if you can't get your depressive state managed through self-improvement.

I suggest you try to see things through your partner's perspective to help you deal with your own issues. Walk a mile in his shoes and try to feel how he's feeling after working ridiculous hours while coming home to a grumpy slob who doesn't appreciate him.

If my above description sounds harsh, I'm sorry. I'm not saying it to be mean, I'm saying it so you'll understand how he feels from his perspective. Understand where he's at first, then consider your own feelings and where they fit within the whole relationship dynamic.

Please, understand that I'm also a mother with twins under one year's of age and a husband who works ridiculous hours. I too feel like a single mother *sometimes*, only because of the sheer amount of time I spend raising my sons on my own. But would I actually be better off being single? Hell to the no!

Please, also understand that I know *exactly* where you are coming from when you say that you're not interested in having sex. I have been in that boat - feeling disgusting being intimate with someone who you're not emotionally connected to at that point in time due to a build-up of resentment.

Men need sex to feel loved and connected. Denying him does affect his self-esteem. That's an undesirable consequence when, from his perspective, he's busting his guts at work trying to do the best he can to support a family. He would be feeling like he's doing everything to show love and devotion to his family, yet he doesn't get the same in return.

You guys both need to sit down and talk. Let each other say the things they want out of the relationship and ways in which they will be willing to put back in. Try to understand each other's needs and try to put each other first. Seek help if you feel it will help this cause.

Good luck and keep us all updated.

Last edited by Chardonnay Renée; 10th June 2017 at 11:29 PM..
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Old 14th June 2017, 5:09 PM   #32
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The biggest issue I see if that it doesn't sound like you and your husband are a team. It sounds like you live two completely separate lives and need to fix that. It just sounds like roommates; not a marriage.

I was the breadwinner when I was married but my XH left me with the kids 100% when I wasn't working so I can understand both sides. My XH used to make it seem like going to work was a party. It wasn't. But I get that everyone needs a childcare break too as kids can be tiring.

As far as getting out, that can be done as a family and/or with kids in tow. Places like parks and festivals are often low cost or free.

My situation was a little different in that my XH wasn't contributing financially but I feel it's easier as a single mom to be honest than to have an unsupportive partner. Nothing you mention here doesn't sound like you can't get back on track with some counselling and such. But I totally understand how it's hard to be in the parent role with someone unsupported and feeling isolated and lonely. That is totally how I felt married.
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Old 15th June 2017, 8:56 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Miss Peach View Post
As far as getting out, that can be done as a family and/or with kids in tow. Places like parks and festivals are often low cost or free.
Don't forget that the OP lives in the middle of nowhere with a two seater vehicle for a family of 4. They are literally trapped (which to me is a major safety concern if nothing else)
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Old 15th June 2017, 3:47 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by GunslingerRoland View Post
Don't forget that the OP lives in the middle of nowhere with a two seater vehicle for a family of 4. They are literally trapped (which to me is a major safety concern if nothing else)
That's true but that doesn't mean the OP's husband has to sit on the couch every evening and weekend and ignore his family. I am a busy professional and I still make time to do all sorts of things with friends, the kiddo, my BF, etc. Even if they stay home during the day, they can do things as a family in the evenings and weekends.
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Old 19th June 2017, 10:29 PM   #35
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I've read some of the responses but I just wanted to go ahead & say this..
for everyone saying I'm a bad person or whatever because I want to leave don't know everything I've had to put up with. I've been hearing "it won't be like this forever" for almost 2 1/2 years.. I am fed up, I'm tired of sitting in a house all day taking care of our children & then when he gets home it's completely unenjoyable, who wants to be ignored? Who wants to not talk to the person you live with & started a life with? I try to communicate if he doesn't wanna talk, he doesn't wanna talk & that's the end of that or it turns into a scream fest because I'm exhausted of repeating myself day in & day out because my needs aren't met. Yeah going to work isn't a party but it's really stressful dealing with kids everyday 24/7 with NO breaks, NO outings alone, or NO outings to take them out because they wanna get out of the house too.
My fiancé doesn't listen to a single thing I say,
I told him not to get this truck & he did, I told him we needed a car for the entire family not a 2 seater when we are a family of 4, it makes NO sense! But who am I? Right? I'm just a house wife & there's plenty more he hasn't listened about, but I've tried to let the past go, this was recent. I can't get a job because it's my responsibility to get a care taker for OUR children. I can't get a job also because we don't have a second car or a car to hold me plus the kids. My parents & his parents don't help out, they don't offer to babysit & when I call them they have other things going on, so nobody helps out. I am the only one my kids see all day or even do anything with. When their dad is home, he wants to rest & I get that because he works crazy hours & long days but why is it impossible to get him to come outside with us & play for an hour? Or for him to take 1 of the kids to the park & spend time with 1 for the day & the next day off spend it with the other since like I've said a million times we only have a 2 seater. Yeah I'm a negative person now, I use to be an upbeat & driven person but after living the way we have for the past 4 years & then for the past 2 years being told things will change gets tiring. I love my fiancé & I love our family but sometimes enough is enough. I'm tired of being a "single parent" while in a relationship. Yeah he works & pays the bills but I don't want that, I don't want us to struggle but I want a man who works & puts time in with his family. He always puts work first, even on the weekends when he's suppose to be "off" he will go into work or go & help his friends with something they need. Yeah I maybe unenjoyable as well but that's because I am literally doing everything while he gets to get out of the house. When the kids scream or cry after them doing it for 5 mins he will get mad & scream I'm about to lose it, then when I say I've been listening to it all day, he gets mad at me about that. He has a short temper & it's just really aggravating to constantly have to deal with it everyday. Like I said I understand I may be no picnic either but I do have sex when I don't want to, I have lots of times, as uncomfortable as it maybe I have done it for him, I will come up & cuddle with him on the couch or watch tv in the room he is, but then the kids fight or cry or I have to go check on them. It's just exhausting, but I have just come to realization that I only have myself to rely on, & I have to do something for me & my kids. So thanks for all the "advice" but I'm good. I'm gonna continue to do what I do & make myself happy. I try my god damn hardest everyday, & now I'm just getting tired. So bye y'all. Lynn won't be back on. 👌🏻
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Old 20th June 2017, 12:02 AM   #36
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Why did you have children with him?
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