Bunni Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 My sister is mad at me for personal reasons. Is it wrong of her to use my niece against me? I am a good aunt, would not ever harm my niece and there is no reason why she should be kept away from me. But since my sister has a issue with me she is forbidding my niece from seeing me till I talk to her. Then I will be able to see my niece. So if I dont talk to her I wont get to see her. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Why would you not want to talk to her? Communication is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 19, 2005 Author Share Posted March 19, 2005 This has been going on for years. We are so very different. She looks down on my whole family. She is better than all of us. I hate anyone who thinks they are better than me. + when she talks to you she talks down to you. I hate that. She harbours hard feelings from when we were children and even tho we discussed it one time she is still bitter. I really am feeling that just because we were born into the same family dosent mean we have to like each other or even see each other. I don't like the person she is and I would rather not associate with her kind. Oddly enough my niece is more like me than her so we get along great But since we don't get along (my sister and I ) I am not allowed to associate with my niece. Thats just wrong. Her kids are people not a game piece used to get someone to talk to you who dosn't want to. Not fair.. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 It is terribly unfair. My brother and I got used in a similar fashion. Until your neice is older - old enough to be able to make her own decisions and see whom she likes you won't be able to do much about it. As long as your sister chooses to be this way, and chooses to keep her child from you there is little you can do about that. I can understand not wanting to associate with her, but have you tried calling an 'agree to disagree' truce in a family meeting so that you put aside your differences just enough so that you can see your neice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 19, 2005 Author Share Posted March 19, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Until your neice is older - old enough to be able to make her own decisions and see whom she likes you won't be able to do much about it. have you tried calling an 'agree to disagree' truce in a family meeting so that you put aside your differences just enough so that you can see your neice? My Niece is 15 so she knows she loves me and wants to see me and has even told her mom that she will see me if she likes it or not. But I dont want my sister to be able to push me into talking her by keeping my niece from me, thats just not right, that gives her what she wants. I am just deciding that I dont want to associate with her and I don't care to make up with her, and I just don't want her to be able to push me into talking to her by using her child against me. I just think thats a low thing to do. What is agree to disagree ? I dont think she would be able to do that anyway she would talk down to me until I said "yes your right". F that. I hate her, I dont want to encourage her and let her know that her using her child actually works to get what she wants. It is wrong. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Whether or not you like it, it is what it is. As the child's mother, she has the right to make rules for her child until the girl leaves home and she's using that ability. There is absolutely nothing to be done about it except to be good to your neice, don't talk her mother down to her, and wait until she can visit you on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Whether or not you like it, it is what it is. As the child's mother, she has the right to make rules for her child until the girl leaves home and she's using that ability. There is absolutely nothing to be done about it except to be good to your neice, don't talk her mother down to her, and wait until she can visit you on her own. I would totally agree with the above. Link to post Share on other sites
jdee Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 yah I disagree with Originally posted by moimeme Whether or not you like it, it is what it is. As the child's mother, she has the right to make rules for her child until the girl leaves home and she's using that ability. There is absolutely nothing to be done about it except to be good to your neice, don't talk her mother down to her, and wait until she can visit you on her own. kids are not property and if you have issues with your sister you should not be punished by her by her taking her child away from seeing you especially if you are of no harm to the child and love her as well. Rules like curfew and bedtime yah sure but parents should really be there to guide there children to make good decisions and mold them into decent people not to teach them how to get back at someone using their children... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Not to sound harsh, but from the perspective of your sister it would seem that you are willing to use her daughter against her mother. As she somehow believes she has no reason to trust you, she has little reason to trust you with her daughter. Not a flattering thought, and not necessarily true. There is little you can do, as the two of you are not willing or unable to resolve the issue to the point of a 'cease-fire.' Be good to your niece on the opportunities you are offered. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly28 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I'm going through something similar with my family. My brother's ex wife is the most conniving, slithering, snide b8tch that I know, and uses my brothers kids to her advantage. She keeps them from us, forbids us to see them because she simply DOES NOT LIKE US (when I say US, I mean myself, AND my parents). My brother gave up his parental rights 4 years ago because he couldn't handle the BS that his ex-wife was dishing out. Yes, that's not any excuse to walk away from your kids, but only HE knows why he did it. Who are we to say? Back to my ex sister-in-law....she is the type of person who thinks she is perfect. Who is ALWAYS right. Who thinks her parenting skills are A-1 (and this includes dropping my bro's kids off to my parents, going out and getting DRUNK, and then picking them back up WHILE SHE IS WASTED). No way, Jose! Then when we tell her she is in "no shape" to deal with her kids at the time, she lashes out and calls us terrible names. Note: My bro's ex wife also has a history of psychological issues. We had a restraining order for her years back before their marriage. It expired. Since then we never really liked her. We only live for the children's sake. She also brainwashes the kids. They are 12, and 8. Old enough to be manipulated. One minute the kids LOVE us, and the next minute, they won't even give us the time of day, and they seem distant. I don't think thats fair at all. She is also now dating my cousin! Yep She is one sick b*tch! So, doesn't that seem weird when the kids go around and say, "My mom is dating my cousin!" - in reality, its their second cousin, but STILL!!!! It's sad, really. When the kids are older, I hope they outsmart their mother. She belongs in a mental institution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 20, 2005 Author Share Posted March 20, 2005 " Back to my ex sister-in-law....she is the type of person who thinks she is perfect. Who is ALWAYS right. Who thinks her parenting skills are A-1" (reply to top statement, cant get the quoting right, right now) sounds like my sister.. "She also brainwashes the kids. They are 12, and 8. Old enough to be manipulated. One minute the kids LOVE us, and the next minute, they won't even give us the time of day, and they seem distant. I don't think thats fair at all." (reply to above by butterfly) This is one of the main reasons I feel anyone who says the parents should be able to do what they want because they are their kids is not right. Let the kid have his own oppinion on other people instead of using your ignorant influence on them.. All I can say is yes hope the kids turn out smarter than these people who use negative to influence their children. Its like saying "o they are the parents" they should be able to smack them around if thats their parenting style..Silly sounding I think. So frusterating that people think this behavior is ok just because she is the mother. I am not fighting with my niece I am fighting with my sister, my niece should not even be involved. Sickens me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 20, 2005 Author Share Posted March 20, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Not to sound harsh, but from the perspective of your sister it would seem that you are willing to use her daughter against her mother. As she somehow believes she has no reason to trust you, she has little reason to trust you with her daughter. No she is putting the child in the middle I however am trying to keep her out of our differences which I think is the right thing to do. There is no not trust issue to be had I protect and cherish this little girl like she was my own. She is safe with me and everyone knows it. Sister is being more childish than her child. I do not use her daughter against her all I want is to be able to see her without having to be best friends with my sister. I dont want to associate with her. Thats it. So niece will just be stuck in the middle by her mother, not me. I have no reason to feel guilty. y for just wanting to be in my nieces life. na ah I will not feel guilty for that.. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Originally posted by Bunni No she is putting the child in the middle I however am trying to keep her out of our differences which I think is the right thing to do. There is no not trust issue to be had I protect and cherish this little girl like she was my own. She is safe with me and everyone knows it. Sister is being more childish than her child. I do not use her daughter against her all I want is to be able to see her without having to be best friends with my sister. I dont want to associate with her. Thats it. So niece will just be stuck in the middle by her mother, not me. I have no reason to feel guilty. y for just wanting to be in my nieces life. na ah I will not feel guilty for that.. I do not doubt your sincerity nor your care for her child. But I only wanted to give you an impression on how she perceives everything that goes on between you and your niece. And sadly, there is little you can do, until your niece can make her own rules, which is when she moves out. She will see every interaction of her daughter with a "hostile" family member as a threat to her ways and the values and ideas she instills to her. Mothers like that can be poisonous to their children, but there is not a thing you can do . No need to feel guilty, you are right about that. Hope your niece can find a way to do what is best for her, and makes her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunni Posted March 20, 2005 Author Share Posted March 20, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez I do not doubt your sincerity nor your care for her child. But I only wanted to give you an impression on how she perceives everything that goes on between you and your niece. Oh I see yes I am sure this is how she sees things but its not the case. Assumptions stink No need to feel guilty, you are right about that. Hope your niece can find a way to do what is best for her, and makes her happy. Thanks d'Arthez I hope so too. Link to post Share on other sites
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