My 4 1/2 yr. old son won't listen to me!!

[Patiently waiting]

I am at my wits end and need some advice! Ever since my H and I split my son has been quite difficult to control. I know the reason is probably because of the split but what I need to know is how to keep him from getting too out of hand before he is too big for me to handle. He constantly antagonizes his 3 yr. old sister, sits on her, tells her to cry over and over again and just generally is mean to her. I know some sibling rivalry is normal, but he is getting worse.

 

I also have trouble with him listening to me. I am late for work every day because of his morning antics. He screams and cries, won't brush his teeth, won't get out of bed, won't get dressed etc. At the store, he climbs the displays, hides from me, takes off. I tell him he needs to listen to mommy but he totally disregards anything I say. I have punished him by not allowing him to do things he wants to but he just throws a fit and screams at me.

 

I have nearly been evicted because he will not stop jumping or stomping on the floor (we are in a 2nd story apt.). He also gets up in the middle of the night and gets into things around the apt. He'll go into the fridge or get up and watch T.V. while I am asleep. In the past (when I had my house) I had put a lock on his door but he would pound on the door endlessly until he passed out or I physically restrained him. Now he shares with his sister (which doesn't appear to bother him), but I hate to lock them in their room in case they need to use the restroom during the night.

 

Bottom line is I can tell him over and over but he just ignores me completely. Today he said to me "Mommy, I am bad, my brain won't let me be good and I know Santa knows if I have been bad so I won't be getting any presents for Christmas this year" I asked him why he couldn't try to be good (as he seems to know the difference). He said he can't and that I chose the wrong baby at the hospital. What?????? Where did he come up with that???? I told him that if he wants to do something bad to try to think of something good instead. I also told him that Santa would still bring him presents if he tried to be a good boy from now on. He said "no, it's too late"

Do I need to take him to a therapist or can I help him on my own?

I am losing my mind, can anyone help me???

 

 

 

P.S. I am now needing to change my childrens' school due to my moving (other pre-school is too far out of the way from my work now). I feel awful about this because i am afraid that with the divorce and losing their home and having to move that they have been thru enough trauma as it is. Will changing their school make them go off the deep end? How resiliant are they at this age??? How long til they adjust?

[tiki]

Hi. I'm a single mom of a four year old. I can't offer you a lot of advice except for routine, routine, routine. It's important that a child have so much consistency, and I'm sure you guys are battling this with the school changes.

 

Talk to his doctor. Schedule an appointment for behavioral problems and write down some of his actions.

 

Stand true to your word. Make your promises and keep them (if you act x, you lose y....then really carry them through).

 

Remind him of who is the parent and who is the child. This seems to help with mine. For example, mine will say "I want pudding for dinner" I find myself saying, "You're four, you don't make the rules, Mom does". He understands that.

 

Good luck.