pinkroses Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 My ex is suddenly starting to give me a hard time over my son and I sharing a bedroom. My little boy is 9, and he has his own, twin bed, he does not sleep with me. I have my own bed too. I don't even make 20K a year, and I have a car payment, so I can't afford anything but a one bedroom apartment. I've been this way for years, and see no way out of the rut. The only bigger place I could afford might be some dump on the bad side of town, if that, and I'm not the kind to have roommates. I desperately want to find a good man and get remarried, but I can't help it that it hasn't happened yet. My ex can't legally find leverage because of my situation, can he? It would be different if I was living with a friend or family or in a shelter or something. But I am providing for myself and my son, on my own, and doing well with what piddly little bit of money I get. Tell me, is this situation ever going to change for me? Sometimes I feel like it isn't. I know no one reading this knows, I just need some encouragement, if there's any to be had. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 only if he is the legal father and could offer a better quality of life. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 It's fine for your ex to talk/complain, but what is HE doing to contribute to your son's living situation? Does he pay proper child support? Was the amount he's paying (assuming he is), figured out fairly by the courts? (or however it's figured out there in the U.S.) How long do you have left on your car payment? Once that's paid off, that should help out a bit, hey? Do you have full custody of your son? Does your ex ever get to spend time with him? If "yes" to the latter question, what kind of living arrangements does the Ex have? Who the hell is he to judge you? You're doing the best you can. Could HE provide any better if he was in your shoes? Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism only if he is the legal father and could offer a better quality of life. What constitutes a better quality of life? There's no law saying a child MUST have their own bedroom. What matters most is that he's loved and cared for and protected. Tons of families where Mom and Dad are together, they don't have the financial means for all the children to each have their own bedroom. Any judge who would decide a child's quality of life is better all because he has his own bedroom, would be an idiot, in my mind. Children don't need all kinds of material things to have a good quality of life. They need the basics, yes....but most importantly, they need a good parent and love and support and feeling safe and secure. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I wasnt saying that it would be the right thing, but he would have a case to argue in court if it was the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I don't know where you live, but check with your local Family Services to see if there are apartments in your area in which rent is based on your income. We have some really nice apartments in the city I live in which are wonderful for Mom's with a lower income. They are clean and very nice. While you are at Family Services, also find out if you qualify for additional financial or food assistance. It really isn't that hard to qualify. At $20,000 income you shouldn't have a hard time. I'm assuming you also filed for your EIC this year. You don't have to wait for that in a lump sum. You could get it sent monthly thru your regular paycheck at work. Every little bit helps. I think at 9 years of age, you may very well want to check out your options in getting a two bedroom. He is almost at puberty and needs his own spot. If nothing else works, thow out the dining table, hang up some sheet wall dividers and give him the space. I KNOW how hard it is to raise kids. Until I had this job, I was broke all the time. It's amazing how much family you can have and no one offers to help financially. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkroses Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 For contesting that remark made by Darkangelism, "only if he was the legal father and could offer a better quality of life." If I had no money because I was trying to live above my means, or shacking up with some loser just to have a "family", that would be a much poorer quality of life than I am living now. I think I'm being wise, and doing the best with what I have. Just because one parent has more money or has a mate, doesn't make them able to provide a "better quality of life." And why would he have a case against me? I can't help it that I can't get some giant raise at work, or find a good roommate or husband at will. Those things take time. At my salary, I make just too much to qualify for many hand-out programs. I am also not getting child support right now, due to circumstances that are too complicated to go into on the forum. Also, the apartments we are living in are only about 3 blocks from his school. It is a very convenient location, but I cannot afford the two bedroom price, and I still owe thousands on my car, I can't pay it off anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I wouldnt expect you to do anything different from what you are now, i wasnt trying to insult you, i think you have to be very strong to do what you are doing. The reason i said it is if he has a place with more money and can give your child a higher standard of living and would care for the child some judges might say that it is to the benefit of the child. I wouldnt want that for you, just a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I know what you mean about the child support thing. I don't get any either. The worst part is when you hear of all these women who get 'great settlements'. I didn't get anything but stuck with his sorry A$$ED bills. It took me 6 years to pull out of the financial hole from hell. There's got to be a way to get you some help though. It's almost impossible to breathe on your current salary. I'll think about it and see if I can come up with any fresh ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I think it's great that he has his own twin bed, plus a hardworking, loving, responsible mother who is there for him and looking out for him. There is no problem with this living situation. It would be considered quite luxurious by most of the world's population! If you feel that more privacy is needed (for dressing etc.), it should be easy enough to hang a curtain from the ceiling of the bedroom, using thumbtacks or similar. But I am providing for myself and my son, on my own, and doing well with what piddly little bit of money I get. I am quite sure your life will be better, because you have a strong vision of what better looks like, and you are working HARD to get there. I have no doubt that the day will come when you look back on these early struggles and smile fondly, while your loving though somewhat larger son snuggles/struggles next to you saying, "Aw, Mom..." Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts