I think my stepson has OCD?

[clintsgirl]

Let me give a little back round... My stepson is 12 going into the 7th grade. I have discovered he is obsessed with having all doors closed ( bedrooms, bathrooms) also in his room everytime i open up the window to get fresh air, when i walk out of the room he imediately shuts it. I have told him a million times to keep the main bathroom door open. For one, for some reason when we have the a/c on, the vent in the bathroom produces a ton of air, and it really cools off the kitchen and family room, which saves us money. I had to test my theory about the bathroom door. Mind you have have put a million notes on the door saying "LEAVE OPEN" he totally ignores them, its starting to make me angry. So last night i tested my thoughts. He laid down at 10 pm to go to bed he shut the bathroom door and also his. The only reason we like his door slightly cracked, is we have a cat that opens doors constantly it drives us nuts, it wakes us up and the kids, so no one gets a good nights sleep. So if we leave bedroom doors cracked the cat wont jump up constantly trying to open the door. So right after he went to bed i opened the b/r door and also his. not more then 5 mins later he got up and went to the bathroom shut the door back and his. So again i went to open both doors. This went on 12 more times till 2am, (when i finally couldnt stay up and deal with it anymore). and everytime he went to the bathroom he was acting like he really had to go to the bathroom flushing etc. So i get up at 530 am this morning, of course b/r door closed. I open it, not more then 10 mins goes by, he gets up and goes to the b/r and shuts the door. I seriously was on the verge of losing it. So i go in his bedroom and ask if he is sick, cause he is going to the b/r so much. he of course tells me no. I have not told his dad about my findings, i feel like i have to test it another night. Does anyone have any advice what to do? I really wont to just take the door off of its hinges!!!

[whimsical_memory]

Let me give a little back round... My stepson is 12 going into the 7th grade. I have discovered he is obsessed with having all doors closed ( bedrooms, bathrooms) also in his room every time i open up the window to get fresh air, when i walk out of the room he immediately shuts it. I have told him a million times to keep the main bathroom door open. For one, for some reason when we have the a/c on, the vent in the bathroom produces a ton of air, and it really cools off the kitchen and family room, which saves us money. I had to test my theory about the bathroom door. Mind you have have put a million notes on the door saying "LEAVE OPEN" he totally ignores them, its starting to make me angry. So last night i tested my thoughts. He laid down at 10 pm to go to bed he shut the bathroom door and also his. The only reason we like his door slightly cracked, is we have a cat that opens doors constantly it drives us nuts, it wakes us up and the kids, so no one gets a good nights sleep. So if we leave bedroom doors cracked the cat wont jump up constantly trying to open the door. So right after he went to bed i opened the b/r door and also his. not more then 5 mins later he got up and went to the bathroom shut the door back and his. So again i went to open both doors. This went on 12 more times till 2am, (when i finally couldnt stay up and deal with it anymore). and every time he went to the bathroom he was acting like he really had to go to the bathroom flushing etc. So i get up at 530 am this morning, of course b/r door closed. I open it, not more then 10 mins goes by, he gets up and goes to the b/r and shuts the door. I seriously was on the verge of losing it. So i go in his bedroom and ask if he is sick, cause he is going to the b/r so much. he of course tells me no. I have not told his dad about my findings, i feel like i have to test it another night. Does anyone have any advice what to do? I really wont to just take the door off of its hinges!!!

 

 

It sounds like you are the one with the OCD complex!! Seriously though, if this is the only area that you are seeing this in, is it really and truly that big of a deal for him to be allowed to close his own bedroom door? Have you asked him why he wants them to be shut? Sounds like the cat is not the only reason why nobody gets any sleep- you are up all night opening doors!!

[Queen of Hearts]

Yeah, I'd talk to him about it. And, if it didn't stop, I'd take them off the hinges.

[bentnotbroken]

OCD isn't always controllable. There are different levels of compulsive actions. Getting angry with him won't help the situation. He isn't ignoring as much as fulfilling a need for him to move on to the next task. Getting a firm diagnosis will help everyone adjust. As someone who suffers ( I need organization to feel comfortable, everything inside and outside my home is labeled)it takes time to understand and compensate. Maybe the cat should be of less importance than the step son's needs.

[In_Repair]

You can make his focus shift, but if he is OCD... leave him alone about it. Don't drive both of you crazy by trying to "fix" him, just address this specific issue. Taking the door completely off the hinges is excessive. Have your husband(or you) nail a small wooden block in the jamb so that the latch won't catch, but still allows the door to close enough for privacy - and leave it there for a week or two. Unless he clings to this so hard that he tries to remove the wooden block and you allow it, his focus will shift to something more controllable. This isn't fun for him either. IMO, the only action needed at this point is to identify the behavior and the ways that this behavior is intolerable. Otherwise, teach him to find humor in it and shrug it off, not feel ashamed.

 

I still sometimes find myself going through my old odd behaviors from childhood. I had this thing about uniformity. If I were to set a glass on the corner of a table, I had to make sure that it was an equal distance from each edge... minor things. I catch myself doing stuff like that and it makes me laugh.

[2sure]

It might be a passive aggressive "power play"...on both of your parts.

But you are the adult and you are in charge and children need to know that. Yep. Take the doors off the hinges.

 

He certainly has every right to some privacy at his age, so having his own bedroom door shut , cat or not, is a natural thing. The bathroom only when he is in it. But anything you decide he can or cannot have is a privilage until he stops the power play.

 

If it is an OCD condition, I would have no idea what to do and probably wouldnt recognize it.

[Lucky_One]

Please take him to see a doctor before you take his bedroom door off the hinges! If he DOES have OCD, then shaming him and punishing him for something he can't control will do him no good at all, and can possibly make the situation worse. if he does NOT have OCD, then taking away his one refuge (his bedroom) and his sense of privacy as an adolescent could be the beginnings of some huge power struggles and fights in his teen years.

 

I don't have a problem with removing his door as a punishment; i'e if he is smoking in his room or watching South Park against parental dictate - then yes, remove the door. But closing his own door isn't necessarily a punishable factor. He is 12 - a very private and impressionable age; let him have privacy to do things like stare at his eyebrows or penis in the mirror.

 

Has his father talked to him about the doors? How long have you all been living together in a family environment? You say there are other children - do they go in his room or go in his things? Do you and he get along well in other circumstances?

[bentnotbroken]

OCD can be controlled with the proper diagnosis and treatment. It could include medication but will certainly include behavior modification.

[bentnotbroken]

I went back and read some of your previous posts. I am not sure if you are married to this person or not. In other posts you call him your BF, but here you say that the child is your stepson. From some of your issues with your significant other, you maybe projecting your feelings on to the child. The home dynamics seem to be unsettled at best from reading some of the other things your wrote. Child support issues, sex issues can add to parenting any child, but particularly when you are in a stressed situation.

[Lucky_One]

As for the cat.

 

Get that inexpensive clear carpet runner cover stuff. Cut out a strip about 5 inches wide and 20 inches long. Punch two holes in one end, and thread a heavy cord or thin rope through it, to make a handle that will hang from the door knob. Hang the new anti-scratch pad from the door knob, with the pointy spiky side out.

 

If the cat rattles the door by inserting a paw between the door and the floor, then attach a thin strip of the clear carpet protector to the entire bottom of the door with small brads

 

The cat will leave the doors alone.

 

Please do not sacrifice the privacy of your children for the whim of a pet.

[zoe1983]

if you really think that your stepson has OCD then you must realize that it is something he can not control. If you want to try and get him help that is fine but don't punish him for a disease beyond his control.

[burningashes]

If you think your son has OCD- observe his behaviours in other things too. It is a very complex disorder and usually doesn't focus on just one thing, such as the door issue. Watch closely and see if he repeats things or does things in certain patterns. It doesn't have to be a certain number, it can also be in certain patterns that is triggered by certain things. For instance, seperating food on a plate and eating them in order in a certain speed.

 

The person suffering from OCD feels extreme anxiety when something isn't resolved. Your son probably noticed that you were coming down at night to close the door and spent the night awake obsessing about keeping the door closed. If that is the case, he gets very anxious about the door being open. The door being closed is his "safe place", and it isn't something he can just get over. People with OCD react to triggers like that are akin to how you (normal people with no mental health illnesses) is akin to you going through a major disaster (ie: losing a parent etc, yes anxieties for people with OCD or similiar illnesses can be that extreme.) and shouldn't be brushed aside.

 

Talk to your son in a non-threatening way and ask him why he insists on having a door closed. If he doesn't have a logic reason or seems to be coming up with excuses (he may very well be aware of it, and be embarrased to talk about it so he may come up with excuses), take him to a doctor and hopefully he will have a proper diagnosis and a treatment plan for it. You can even ask if he gets bothered/upset if the door's open- you may need to be blunt to find out. I would set the issue aside for now and talk to your son, try to find out the cause of the problem. Please keep posting, and let us know how your son is doing!

[Lucky_One]

If you think your son has OCD- observe his behaviours in other things too. It is a very complex disorder and usually doesn't focus on just one thing, such as the door issue. Watch closely and see if he repeats things or does things in certain patterns. It doesn't have to be a certain number, it can also be in certain patterns that is triggered by certain things. For instance, seperating food on a plate and eating them in order in a certain speed.

 

The person suffering from OCD feels extreme anxiety when something isn't resolved. Your son probably noticed that you were coming down at night to close the door and spent the night awake obsessing about keeping the door closed. If that is the case, he gets very anxious about the door being open. The door being closed is his "safe place", and it isn't something he can just get over. People with OCD react to triggers like that are akin to how you (normal people with no mental health illnesses) is akin to you going through a major disaster (ie: losing a parent etc, yes anxieties for people with OCD or similiar illnesses can be that extreme.) and shouldn't be brushed aside.

 

Talk to your son in a non-threatening way and ask him why he insists on having a door closed. If he doesn't have a logic reason or seems to be coming up with excuses (he may very well be aware of it, and be embarrased to talk about it so he may come up with excuses), take him to a doctor and hopefully he will have a proper diagnosis and a treatment plan for it. You can even ask if he gets bothered/upset if the door's open- you may need to be blunt to find out. I would set the issue aside for now and talk to your son, try to find out the cause of the problem. Please keep posting, and let us know how your son is doing!

 

I think this is great advice, but this is her stepson, and there is already a lot of tension (dislike?) between the two of them. That is why I suggested that her BF/H/whatever he is talk to his son, as the son may not open up to her, with all the discord between them.

[looking4 green grass]

It is impossible from this description to determine if the child has OCD. However, I will provide the actual dx criteria for this mental disorder. Keep in mind that for any mental disorder to be dx the signs and sx must cause significant impairment in that person's life.

 

[sIZE=+1]DSM IV Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Criteria [/sIZE]

A. Either obsessions or compulsions:

 

Obsessions as defined by (1), (2), (3), and (4):

 

 

(1) recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress

 

 

(2) the thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems

 

 

(3) the person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action

 

 

(4) the person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind (not imposed from without as in thought insertion)

 

 

Compulsions as defined by (1) and (2):

 

 

(1) repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly

 

 

(2) the behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive

 

 

B. At some point during the course of the disorder, the person has recognized that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive or unreasonable. Note: This does not apply to children.

 

 

C. The obsessions or compulsions cause marked distress, are time consuming (take more than 1 hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person’s normal routine, occupational (or academic) functioning, or usual social activities or relationships.

 

 

D. I another Axis I disorder is present, the content of the obsessions or compulsions is not restricted to it (e.g., preoccupation with food in the presence of an Eating Disorder; hair pulling in the presence of Trichotillomania; concern with appearance in the presence of Body Dysmorphic Disorder; preoccupation with drugs in the presence of a Substance Use Disorder; preoccupation with having a serious illness in the presence of Hypochondriasis; preoccupation with sexual urges or fantasies in the presence of a Paraphilia; or guilty ruminations in the presence of Major Depressive Disorder).

 

 

E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.

[burningashes]

Lucky, I agree- sorry, I misread the poster's post! Yes, the father or someone who is close to the step son should have a chat with him

 

Looking4green, you're right it's impossible to determine from the post, which is why I suggest taking the stepson to a professional for a proper diagnosis etc.

 

The sooner, the better!

[Queen of Hearts]

if you really think that your stepson has OCD then you must realize that it is something he can not control. If you want to try and get him help that is fine but don't punish him for a disease beyond his control.

 

OCD is not a disease. And, with proper treatment/exposure therapy, he can learn to control it.

[bentnotbroken]

OCD is not a disease. And, with proper treatment/exposure therapy, he can learn to control it.

 

 

As a sufferer of OCD, all forms cannot be controlled. Behavior modification and some medications can help lessen the symptoms. Depending on the person,their body chemistry and the type of symptoms experienced it is a trial and error treatment. The younger a person gets treatment the better the outcome.