Aprill Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 I posted elsewhere but I needed to let out what I've been bottling up inside. We have a 9 month old baby together. Regardless of how planned/unplanned quick/long it was that we were together before conceiving our child...you knew before we met that I had kids. They won't go away and even suggesting that I have to choose between my kids and our relationship...one or the other well; that's a horrible position to put any parent into. You should be ashamed of yourself! Having a child, proposing to me, supporting us all in your home (since me working full time now that our baby is here) just doesn't financially make sense, well these all were indications to me that we were and are in it for life. Are you not? I am. I'm sorry you can't handle my kids crying when you force them to eat tomatoes, or my daughter crying when you've yelled at her for the umpteenth time to go to her room and play quietly since you can't stand her for whatever reason you've created today. Sometimes I don't even know what they've done that's made you angry besides being a child and acting their age...!?? (Children should be seen and not heard? I think not.) I know they can be annoying. Kids are annoying! But please treat them with some respect and LOVE and KINDNESS and you'd be amazed at how many of the "things" that you "hate" about "MY" kids disappear. (My kids who by the way ASKED you permission to call you Dad and love you to pieces). Ok so maybe you are having a midlife crisis...maybe you don't want to be financially burdened with all of us....I can empathize...but we created a child together, dedicated our lives to each other and to raising our child together (YES that includes our child's siblings!!!) and now you want us to cease being together because you think my kids are creatons? Everyone who watches them, interacts with them etc thinks that they are extremely well behaved and good kids to be around. You state you've never been around little kids before....and that you hate having to repeat yourself, or dictate what they are to do...they are only 5 and 8, they aren't autonomous yet...that will come with age. They don't have common sense...they're still young! Oh love, what are we to do? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 This is sad. Parenting is hard, yes. You are venting. My H is step dad to my daughter from a previous relationship. So, when we married - he had to learn everything fast, with a child who already had a personality and a voice. They had not "grown" into the parent/child relationship together. So, its different. In fact, although I know he loves her , ...sometimes when he is angry at her /with her...I have the urge to defend her. Maybe its because I am used to being her sole parent, maybe its because I feel my methods are better, or because I dont think he really knows her. We get past it, with some work and some rules. But it took some time. You know, you might consider getting a book on step parenting and blended families. Even if he will not read it, you might get some insight on how to desl with the issue, your feelings, and his. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I'm sorry you can't handle my kids crying when you force them to eat tomatoes, or my daughter crying when you've yelled at her for the umpteenth time to go to her room and play quietly since you can't stand her for whatever reason you've created today. Sometimes I don't even know what they've done that's made you angry besides being a child and acting their age...!?? (Children should be seen and not heard? I think not.) I know they can be annoying. Kids are annoying! But please treat them with some respect and LOVE and KINDNESS and you'd be amazed at how many of the "things" that you "hate" about "MY" kids disappear. (My kids who by the way ASKED you permission to call you Dad and love you to pieces). This portion of your post is deeply disturbing to me. He is yelling at your children umpteen million times to go to their room for "whatever reason he created that day." I realize you probably won't leave him, but you probably should. For the sake of your children because shaming and blaming them without reason is going to leave some extremely damaging effects. You're right, he needs to be treating them with love, affection and kindness they are kids after all. But I don't think this leopards going to change his spots. If you have the courage to, get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
trubella Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 he only said he was fine with you having kids initially in order to be with you.. had he told you the opposite im sure you wouldnt have invested any more time with him.. my ex was similar to yours. i have a 7yo son from a previous relationship that he knew about. he said he was fine with it but he really wasnt fine with it, he had little to no patience with my son and always got upset with him. the ex didnt have any children so he wasnt prepared for a ready made family, eventually i left him. your SO doesnt seem ready for that either and takes his frustration out on your kids. reality set in once you and your kids moved into his home.. now he cant handle it. you are much better off without this guy, your kids will thank you for it. i have a girlfriend who grew up in a household similar to what you are describing, where the step father had a short fuse and used her as a verbal punching bag, while the mother tried to keep the family together. she eventually grew to resent the mother and it damaged their relationship. its a sad situation all around. im now with a great guy who treats my kid as if he were his own.. because he knows to love me is to love my kid as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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