saraispiel19 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Well I have a one year old daughter- great kid really. However she used to be closer to her dad and is now all mommy-mommy all the time. There's very few times where she wants to be carried by him and doesn't seem to mind, or passes him a toy and babbles in her own language. Oh but jeeze when I'm hugging him or laying down next to him she gets very angry and sometimes try to pull him off or wants to come up with us (I know she's a baby but it still gets annoying). I don't mind that when my husband and I are playing with eachother (like wrestling or tickling, etc.) she wants to join, she thinks it's funny and that's okay with me. I wanted to know if that's normal? For a kid to be distant with one parent and if this is all a stage? My husband feels very hurt by it and even gets upset at times, I try to explain to him that she's just a little baby and she'll come around. Shayla has been a little bratty too: throwing things, hitting, some but few tempertantrums (she used to have a lot but we've been correcting her so it's definately gone down a notch). Well any suggestions would be great! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Well I have a one year old daughter- great kid really. However she used to be closer to her dad and is now all mommy-mommy all the time. There's very few times where she wants to be carried by him and doesn't seem to mind, or passes him a toy and babbles in her own language. Oh but jeeze when I'm hugging him or laying down next to him she gets very angry and sometimes try to pull him off or wants to come up with us (I know she's a baby but it still gets annoying). I don't mind that when my husband and I are playing with eachother (like wrestling or tickling, etc.) she wants to join, she thinks it's funny and that's okay with me. I wanted to know if that's normal? For a kid to be distant with one parent and if this is all a stage? My husband feels very hurt by it and even gets upset at times, I try to explain to him that she's just a little baby and she'll come around. Shayla has been a little bratty too: throwing things, hitting, some but few tempertantrums (she used to have a lot but we've been correcting her so it's definately gone down a notch). Well any suggestions would be great! I would not worry as She's still very little and probably just testing the waters. Everything she's doing sounds very age appropriate. If your H is feeling down about it, I would suggest perhaps he try to take her one on one more often.. and have a Daddy and Daughter day.. perhaps that might help. Best wishes. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
thebrunette Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Infants who have spent time with their mothers develop a very very strong bond, she will develop it with her father too but you will always be her 'mummy' and that's a brilliant thing. Maybe showing your husband affection in front of her and including her, such as all sitting on the couch cuddled up to watch kids TV or something, will make her begin to see you as a family unit. She seems to want you all to herself and this is not unusual at all, so doing more activities as a family where you all share each others time and company will be beneficial to her and also you and your husband. Maybe he could take over some activities you do with her, even if it's just putting her to bed or feeding her. If he already does these things then don't worry, you are a 'normal' family, whatever normal is! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Shayla has been a little bratty too: throwing things, hitting, some but few tempertantrums (she used to have a lot but we've been correcting her so it's definately gone down a notch).Well any suggestions would be great! Are you with your husband like you are in that picture? If I were a one year old I'd hate that guy too and want him out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Hey sara, your husband is cute and so are you! Little ones can be so sweet, loving and be the center of the universe. Don't worry about it. Btw, my SIL used the What to Expect... books by Arlene Eisenberg. She swore by them. In your situation, perhaps What to Expect the Toddler Years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 If I were a one year old I'd hate that guy too and want him out of there. You daft moo what the hell is your problem Trail: compliment taken :-) I think i've read that book- it has a previous one about pregnancy (correct?) with a woman on a rocking chair and her big belly. I've read tons of kid books and tried to introduce these new "parenting techniques" but they seem to fall through. I'll definately discuss the more daddy-time thing and see how it goes. It's not like she hates him she's just really clingy when it comes to me. Thanks for all your suggesstions guys! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Mine did the same thing. She was very possessive of me for a while, and then she was very possessive of her dad for a while. Its something she grew out of by the time she was three or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Babies go through phases.. it's normal. If I were you though I would not 'correct' her.. I don't know what you do to correct her ..but I just hope it's not 'negative'.. she's just a baby... just steer her attention away when she does things you don't like. It's also normal for a baby to 'scream' (especially when they discover it has an effect on people) and to throw their toys around.. don't destroy her 'self confidence' right from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 I correct her by telling her a firm "no" when she does things like play with CD's (she discovered how to open the entertainment unit so it's not that they are laying around up for grabs), when she throws a toy at your face or on the ground when angry or upset. Besides that she used to have tempertantrums really bad and now they are almost rare so I know definately what I'm doing is a positive. And yes she does scream and I don't tell her to sush, I used to be a screamer and well I turned out just dandy. If anything Lizzie I am not destroying her self confidence, she's very outgoing for a kid of her age and well I can keep saying positive things about her but thats not the point. My question was simply about the distance between her and her father, and if it was a normal thing and what can be done. In my opinion; yes she is still a baby but if you let them start running around biting, throwing things, hitting, etc. your just up for future disaster- although loved they must be corrected because afterall you don't live in the jungle, there's a society out there where people must act civilized, and yes it is too early to say she must act this way because she is a toddler for goodness sakes. All I'm doing is trying to avoid a future melt down at the store (which has happened and I've dealt with it in a manner that it has not repeated), and bullying other children. This whole oh babies are supposed to be spoiled and crap is just a recipe for disaster; i'm not saying not to love them and encourage them to be them they just need to be corrected once in a while to remind them that that there does not how it works. Thanks your the enlightment. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I'm of the belief that you can't start too soon to mould a child, as long as it's with age appropriate expectations and reasonable punishments. For example, do you allow your child to play with electrical outlets because they don't understand that they're dangerous? Of course not. How do you explain electricity to a one year-old? The only way to do so is to discuss a recent past pain where they hurt themselves and cried. This in itself won't always work so you have to remove the temptation by inserting plastic plugs. As they age, you can increase the depth of your explanation when they're capable of understanding the concept of death. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 I'm of the belief that you can't start too soon to mould a child, as long as it's with age appropriate expectations and reasonable punishments.. Thanks trail that's what I was trying to say but couldn't put it in words. Jeeze what a day what a day... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Thanks trail that's what I was trying to say but couldn't put it in words. Jeeze what a day what a day... No worries. FYI, it's trial not trail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 No worries. FYI, it's trial not trail. Oh heaven's to Betsy! See what I'm telling you-- crap it's one of those days again... For goodness sake it's been one crap-fest after the other, a contious fricken stomp on sarai and her head doesn't work day. I definately think my dyslexia has gotten the better of me these last few days... Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 It really is a very normal phase. These phases will flip flop until she is about 4. But one way to help it a little is let the dad have much more alone time with her. Even the mundane stuff like feeding her helps concrete that bond. He should take her to the park without you on a regular basis and just let him have that time for the two of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 He should take her to the park without you on a regular basis and just let him have that time for the two of them. Brilliant! Then I could have some alone time... Link to post Share on other sites
philip.philipflores Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hi I don’t have so much idea regarding this subject. Just I suggest you to take steps accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I correct her by telling her a firm "no" when she does things like play with CD's (she discovered how to open the entertainment unit so it's not that they are laying around up for grabs), when she throws a toy at your face or on the ground when angry or upset. Besides that she used to have tempertantrums really bad and now they are almost rare so I know definately what I'm doing is a positive. And yes she does scream and I don't tell her to sush, I used to be a screamer and well I turned out just dandy. If anything Lizzie I am not destroying her self confidence, she's very outgoing for a kid of her age and well I can keep saying positive things about her but thats not the point. My question was simply about the distance between her and her father, and if it was a normal thing and what can be done. In my opinion; yes she is still a baby but if you let them start running around biting, throwing things, hitting, etc. your just up for future disaster- although loved they must be corrected because afterall you don't live in the jungle, there's a society out there where people must act civilized, and yes it is too early to say she must act this way because she is a toddler for goodness sakes. All I'm doing is trying to avoid a future melt down at the store (which has happened and I've dealt with it in a manner that it has not repeated), and bullying other children. This whole oh babies are supposed to be spoiled and crap is just a recipe for disaster; i'm not saying not to love them and encourage them to be them they just need to be corrected once in a while to remind them that that there does not how it works. Thanks your the enlightment. Yes, it's important to begin diciplining children this early, because it gets you in the habit of diciplining and sticking to rules which will help your child when she is a bit older. Now, she has almost no attention span. She has little concept of right and wrong. She can't see from another's point of view and much of the "bratty" behavior she's displaying at this point (I'm guessing from my own experience) isn't bratty at all, but experimental. The one year old hits, or bites to get a reaction. They are empathetic at a primal level, but don't have an understanding of another's pain. In other words, they don't understand that when they bite, it hurts. It will take a while for her brain to develop enough to get this. The other thing I wanted to say, is, don't be to concerned that your girl prefers you to her father right now. This is perfectly normal and healthy. Most children go through the "mommy phase" (or daddy phase if the daddy is the primary caregiver) where they want nothing but mommy. Dads are fun for a bit, but in the end it's all about mom. It would be a good idea if your husband spent one on one time with her. Just don't be too concerned with this. Your child is acting like a normal one year old. For the record, I have three children now. They all went through the hitting, and biting stages. They all went through the mommy stage (my youngest is still in it a little). All I did to dicipling them at one was say no, and rarely smack their hands. I don't think it did much of a differance. Now, when they hit 2, I think this is when the dicipline became effective. They are very sweet and well mannered children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author saraispiel19 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 ah well thanks guys for all your advice- very helpful to know that it's "normal". I've been attending these "play groups" lately and she started out badly; hitting other children when they took toys away from her, screaming (i think she was more excited), throwing herself on the ground when it was "circle time" and she wanted to be in the center.... However today she was better (although she did hit another little boy), a lot less screaming though, and is a little friendlier to the girls (she was always okay with boys but never too keen on other girls--i think shayla is a tomyboy really she loves cars, shoving, dirt and is unlike the other little girls that are so delicate and all cutesy..). Taking her to the playgroup a few hours has helped with her behaviour too. Thanks everyone! Oh and I'd like to ask: when do they start talking? My daughter speaks her own language- she rarely tries to repeat me; she's still stuck on mama/dada, flower, bottle, cookie and dora. She is in her own world I tell ya. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks everyone! Oh and I'd like to ask: when do they start talking? My daughter speaks her own language- she rarely tries to repeat me; she's still stuck on mama/dada, flower, bottle, cookie and dora. She is in her own world I tell ya. Talking is a funny thing, at least it is with my kids. Each would go through periods when they seemed to use the same words over and over, and then, out of no where, they would have this word explosion. The same thing happened when they learned to talk. For a while they would just say two word sentences, and then, out of no where, they would be saying 3 or four word sentenses and lots of them. Don't worry about it. It comes when it comes and girsl do tend to talk faster. Go to babycenter.com. This sight is all about babies and toddlers. It sais much about their developement and has great message boards. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hey sara, your husband is cute and so are you! Little ones can be so sweet, loving and be the center of the universe. Don't worry about it. Btw, my SIL used the What to Expect... books by Arlene Eisenberg. She swore by them. In your situation, perhaps What to Expect the Toddler Years. Ditto on this recommendation. GREAT books! Link to post Share on other sites
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