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getting burnt out?

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Old 10th July 2008, 3:59 PM   #1
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getting burnt out?

I think I am getting burnt out and I feel terrible about it. My fiance has a 9 yr old son who I love dearly. We had a fabulous 4th of july weekend. We took his son to a rodeo and he sat on my lap the whole time (usually wants to sit on dad's lap) but this night he just wanted me. Also at his birthday party recently, when we were eating, he left his friend's table recently and came over and sat next to me the whole time and smeared cake icing on my nose and sat with me and ate. (His friends were all little boys so maybe he was trying to impress them because one boy told him "your step mom is hot!" But lately he's been very affectionate with me and sweet.

Well the last few days I am having 2nd thoughts. NO idea why. Its just that everything he does irritates me. I try not to let it show because I dont' want him to feel rejected. For example, I recently adopted a kitten. I took it to my fiance's house because his son loves animals. especially baby ones. He played with the kitten but it was mostly scared of him because he is always jumping around, throwing things, making loud noises etc. This irritated the kitten and she was afraid. This in turn irritated me. Also he's just not responsible at all (his dad's fault) He doesn't pick up after himself and when he wants something he wants it NOW. His latest thing he wants is a laptop. He keeps telling everyone (including us a hundred times a day) that he needs to "get a thousand dollars so I can buy a laptop.) I have a lap top and offered to bring it over to show him. He thinks there are all kinds of cool games you can play on one because he watches the kids shows ICarly and Drake and Josh. He goes on and on about this laptop and his mom told him she'd buy him one but he doesnt' deserve it because he is bad so she's not going to. So he is upset about that. (his mom would never buy him one- she doesn't buy him anything)

Other little things are I'm just worried about he is going to grow up. For example he came back from his mom's this weekend. She had promised him she would take him bowling. Even called my fiance and told him to send their son wearing good clothes because she was taking him bowling (my fiance usually sends him in old play clothes, and his mother has NO clothes for him) Anyhow we asked him how bowling was and he said they didnt' go. Told us they were supposed to go with "mom's nice tall friend, James" but that they could only go when Dave (his mother's live in boyfriend and father of her 5 year old daughter and sole support since she does not work) wasn't around. Because Dave couldn't know about James. And their son thinks this is oK!! he is being taught that it is ok for mommy to cheat on his "step dad". It's no wonder that he thought his dad liked another woman even though we are engaged (awhile ago) because he is being taught that its ok to be married (or living with) one person and be out with another.

Also he no longer hangs out with his best friend who lives up the road. He and the kid had a falling out and so now he only has one friend (his grandmother's neighbor's son) and wants to hang out there all the time. He constantly bugs his dad about going there (they have a pool) and we have to tell him no and he will just cry and cry when he doesn't get his way. So we have to listen to that for an hour sometimes.
Last night we were cleaning his hamster's cage (a pet he HAD to have and now could care less about) and I had brought my kitten over. The kitten was curious about the hamster and my fiance's son took a ball and hit her in the head. I yelled at him (this is a two pound kitten and he could seriously hurt her by doing that). He told me that is what his grandma does to her dogs when they are bad) Five minutes later he asked me if he could flick the kitten in the head. I told him absolutely not that is not how we treat animals (he is usually very gentle with cats). I don't know if he was jealous that I was paying a lot of attention to the kitten or if he was just being a 9 yr old boy. I am looking at my friends who are single or dating guys without children and feeling they are lucky. I've never felt this way before! Am I just getting burnt out?
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Old 13th July 2008, 11:21 PM   #2
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It's easy to get burnt out with a 9 year old. Your stepson is a child and needs supervision and care. I completely understand your feelings b/c my BF has an 8 year old. He's only with us 50% of the time so when he's with us, we're energized and ready for him. Not everyone has that time off and don't get me wrong we love spending time with his son but it's nice to get a break. I hate to admit but there are times that I've felt irritated and annoyed. He would tantalize my dog or demand things from me but the fact is he's a child and if he is doing something wrong or disrespectful it's your job to correct him. So for your stepsons bad behavior, it's your job or your husbands job to correct him. You may want to do some research on what's the most effective way for you and your husband to correct him. It's hard for me b/c I'm the girlfriend and I don't want to overstep my boundaries but my BF respects my decision. As for you feeling burnt out, would a day/weekend with a friend help. I know it was helpful for me to get away and shop for a day with a girlfriend. I felt so much more engergized and ready to engage myself with my BF's son. Also, this way your stepson and his dad gets to spend the day alone. Hope this helps and makes sense
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