Mother of child....and me: the wife.

[princess75]

My husband and I have had problems , so many we are about to divorce. However I would like to work things out, but...I am not being able to get past the feelings I have about the following issues. I have inexperience in the subject. Maybe here you all can give me insight on it..I married less than a year, and literally my marriage is about to fail but I still would like feedback to understand and who knows even make it work! Or learn!

 

The problem? He has a 7 year old son with a lady.(son not a problem, I love kids) He claims this was not a relationship, a drunk night child. WHen we met, and then married...he said he had not much relationship with the kid. I encouraged him more to see the child and everything, and I have been wanting him to be part of our life. Now this is the thing, she calls him all the time...even for little tihngs such as one night she calls because the "kid farted in public" Now I am sorry, I do believe in him being part of the child's life but not in not putting limits to her on when to call or when not to.

 

It just seems she calls too much, she "bothers" him in my eyes. To this, he has not given me security and has not put the limits I want.

 

Now he and I started fighting a lot, and we are about to divorce.

One week, there was NC (no contact). He called me and I didint pick up immiediately.

I call him next day and when I didnt find him I went to our house...oh yes we are not living together. He basically was not there, and said he was sick and spent the night at her house.

My thing is, till now I have trusted him...but this was way to weird. I confronted her, she says..there is nothing between them, he said same. She sweared..nothing was there and in fact that for her she was just the dad of her kid. And she even wants her ex marriage to work.

Now, she states he went because of "mother's day", he states he went cause he was sick. After talking to her she even says, you should let him go...adn gave me 101 reasons how bad of a guy he really was: inmature and so forth.

My problem is , I dont agree he went there, and also I dont want this...I feel it ia beyond the kid. Also, even if we are aboout to divorce, I dont believe he should do this type of things....

Question: Do you think I am being to senstive? Do you think they are 2gethere? Do you think it is more about he and I dont get along? I feel he uses her to get back at me, but temptation is always there ...AND I DONT LIKE IT.

AM I better off moving on?

[KeysGirl07]

You guys are married but don't live together. He spends the night at an ex's house and considers his child a "drunk night child". Gee, he sounds like such a swell guy....

 

This ex of his is too involved and he doesn't seem to know where the boundaries are and has a lack of respect for you.

 

He's not acting like a husband to you or a father to his child. What do you actually see in this man that you feel the need to stay married to him? He's not going to change and you're forever going to be worried about this ex of his as if they have a kid together - she's not going anywhere and she's always going to be there calling him for something. She also has no respect for you as she also can't draw boundaries on her involvment with your guy.

 

I'd highly recommend chalking this one up to experience and getting divorced and move on to a healthier relationship. Let the drunk one night stand exgirlfriend have him. They sound made for each other. Plus she sounds like she's got ulterior motives. She's going to sabotage every relationship he has because she wants him paying more attention to their son.

[Requiem]

He dose sound like such a loser, I mean if he spent the night there with her on mothers day... Hes probobly with her already... But cant be too sure, just being judgemental... But either way he shouldnt have stayed the night there. It shows that apparently he has some interests in her as being more than the mother of his child. There is more to this than you know but how much more is the question. You know what you want and what you expect of him, if he cannot fill that or do you right then you need to move on. Dont let yourself keep geting steeped on. I know you wana work it out, but there has the be that possibility to do so first. If you aint geting anywhere expressing yourself and your feelings and thoughts, then time to leave it alone and move on. I can tell you love him dearly and dont want it to end because you love him. Sometimes its better to realize that your gona hurt and just get it over with than to continue and end up keep geting hurt because of this over and over and over, may be the same thing repeditally or it may be something else from this.