Should I bring up the missing money to my nephew?

[Fleiss]

Hi..I'm in a dilemma about the following issue, principally speaking, first of all. Two months ago my sister urged me to apply together for the British visa, since also her English is inexistent. I didn't want to at first due to the high expenses. She and her son said that all the costs - including the 110 $ plane ticket - will be covered by the nephew.

 

Due to some procedural changes, which we didn't know earlier, we had to pay an extra 95 $ on the interview day. I covered all the expenses myself. My sister didn't receive the visa. I did. My nephew returned to me today the amount in British currency but if that converted results into minus 35 $ related to today's exchange rate...

 

Nothing about 95$ either. Either my sister forgot to signal him properly, or he considered it unnecessary, since I am staying at his place for 4 nights, and taking care of me here.

(Well, as a student I also received him in my apt for 1 1/2 years, me caring for him really well, till he decided to go abroad.)

 

Should I tactfully mention to him at least this 95$. Well, neither to him nor to me is this amount a problem, financially speaking, but to me it turned into a matter of principle in my mind.

Thanks..

Edited July 5, 2019 by Fleiss
Edition

[preraph]

I would kindly say, Well, you know, I had another $95 and truly can't afford to pay it.

[Fleiss]

I would kindly say, Well, you know, I had another $95 and truly can't afford to pay it.

He knows I can afford an amount of 95$...Should I say something like: "Well, maybe my sister forgot to let you know, but we had an extra 95$ incurred"? I am bit afraid he might convey the exact words to her, and both feel somehow displeased, no matter whether I receive the money back or not..

 

Or maybe finding the right moment and tactfully saying to him: "Oh, how we had to pay an extra 95$ on the interview day..Mum (i.e.my sister) told you, right?

Edited July 5, 2019 by Fleiss

[schlumpy]

I am bit afraid he might convey the exact words to her, and both feel somehow displeased, no matter whether I receive the money back or not..

 

It all depends on how strong your relationship is. You seem very tentative about asking. Are you trying to avoid some cultural mores that will get you black listed?

 

Get your receipts together on paper that conclusively show where you are monetarily shorted. Mail those receipts to your sister. No further explanation should be needed.

 

Those floating exchange rates can really do you damage if it takes several days to transfer funds along with wire fees. Everybody wants their cut.

 

Best Wishes

[Fleiss]

It all depends on how strong your relationship is. You seem very tentative about asking. Are you trying to avoid some cultural mores that will get you black listed?

 

Get your receipts together on paper that conclusively show where you are monetarily shorted. Mail those receipts to your sister. No further explanation should be needed.

 

Those floating exchange rates can really do you damage if it takes several days to transfer funds along with wire fees. Everybody wants their cut.

 

Best Wishes

I had given her the receipts, but she has most probably not shown them to my nephew. In hindsight, I understand I should have kept them myself and emailed to the nephew directly.

The thing is I don't want to make a big issue about the whole thing, since I am also close to my sister..

[schlumpy]

Then I would guess they expect you to take a hit for the family. If you insist there may be resentment on their side that will come back at you one day but if take the hit then the resentment could come from you.

 

Unfortunately, my experience has taught me that relatives are the first ones to stiff you and feel unconcerned about it. You would think it would be exactly the opposite but except for a few individuals my observation has held fairly steady over the years.

 

I guess you could even the score but that can just escalate things.

 

Ask your sister directly if she received the receipts. If she says yes but offers nothing else you will have to make a decision about doing future favors for them.

 

Best Wishes

[Fleiss]

Then I would guess they expect you to take a hit for the family. If you insist there may be resentment on their side that will come back at you one day but if take the hit then the resentment could come from you.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, my experience has taught me that relatives are the first ones to stiff you and feel unconcerned about it. You would think it would be exactly the opposite but except for a few individuals my observation has held fairly steady over the years.

 

I guess you could even the score but that can just escalate things.

 

Ask your sister directly if she received the receipts. If she says yes but offers nothing else you will have to make a decision about doing future favors for them.

 

Best Wishes

Yes, I was with her, and handed the receipts to her.

 

Update: Today I tactfully mentioned to the nephew the 95$ extra cost we had to pay on the application day, and he said: "Oh yeah, mum told me about it. She was supposed to have given it to you (in time)."

 

I was baffled, and said nothing. She could have returned me the entire amount, but, I felt like saying to him: "You could well do that yourself even now. To me, who returns the money is all the same."

 

His response, I presume, was just elusive, so as to not do it. Should I let my sister know about his response?

As I said earlier, I would no resentment, nor escalation of the situation..

Edited July 8, 2019 by Fleiss

[alphamale]

withhold xmas gifts to your nephew until the $95 is paid

[Fleiss]

withhold xmas gifts to your nephew until the $95 is paid

He lives in a different state now. On the other hand, we don't send/swap gifts by mail..

[amaysngrace]

It sounds like a lot of family drama for $95.

[Mr. Lucky]

Should I let my sister know about his response?

As I said earlier, I would no resentment, nor escalation of the situation..

 

I don't understand families that can't talk to each other. If you can't communicate about little problems, how do you handle the big ones?

 

Just let your sister know what's happened. Don't opine, just give her the facts...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Fleiss]

It sounds like a lot of family drama for $95.

 

Haha, not really. I posted the thread on principle grounds only, as already stressed. I didn't make request, nor redundant comment to either of them..

[amaysngrace]

I didn't make request, nor redundant comment to either of them..

 

Well you’re asking should you bring up what your nephew said to your sister so to me that’s drama. It’s also triangulation and accomplishes nothing except to add more drama.

 

So, yes really