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Aunt launched abuse at me.


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Old 31st January 2019, 2:21 AM   #1
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Aunt launched abuse at me.

In my other thread I explained about my boyfriend being in hospital for a little while. My parents, grand parents and my cousin (Who I live with) have all been very understanding. They have helped and supported me when I felt low.

Every year we have a family catch up and its like a reunion but generally only family members from Ireland and the UK attend. My grandfather rings me yesterday and tells me about this years plan, we've got family from all over the world looking to attend. So it is a big party.

Its not for a few months (Generally early summer). I tell my grand father me and my boyfriend would love to come. My grand father says he understands about my boyfriends situation and when I know more (Understand what he has more) to tell him if we want to fly to Knock or Dublin (Depends on my boyfriend because I don't want him having seizures on the drive over from Dublin) and he will book us a flight as he feels we've been through so much together recently he wants us to have something to look forward to. Really nice and unexpected gesture. I thanked him and said I'd let him know after I've spoken with the hospital.

About 30 minutes later I get a call from my aunt. I answer and she just starts shouting at me for being an "ungrateful little b***h" and the only reason I am invited is because I am related to my mother. She wants me to ring my grand father and tell him I don't want him to pay for flights and since I'm "with an english man and worst still fell in love with him" I am the lowest of the low and I'm only a family member by name only and if I "marry that english man" I'll "lose the name and not be apart of the family". She said I could redeem myself by telling my grand father not to pay for the flights (I never asked him to it was all his idea) but to pay for her kids to fly over for this reunion. Who apparently earn more money than me she told me.

We have a family whatsapp group and she carried the abuse on in there. Apparently I've sided with the enemy. If my boyfriend was having a seizure whilst driving I should toss him to the side of the road and leave him because he will just hold me back. I should just forget about him now because he will soon become a vegetable and I'll "be stuck with an english vegetable forever". Other family members told her to be quiet and my boyfriend/me are a cute couple and she should apologise my aunt refused to.

I now really don't want to go to the reunion. My parents brought me up that everyone is equal. None of this "Hate the English" rubbish. I'm upset at whats been said and I'm worried it'll upset my boyfriend if I tell him whats happened and I can't have him being upset at this time. I also don't want to upset my grand dad or parents by not going, but I would feel awkward going now.

What should I do?

Help me please.
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Old 31st January 2019, 9:23 AM   #2
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Wow. She sounds totally unhinged.

I don't think it would do any good to argue or debate with someone that mentally off. Just ignore her. Don't engage in the online conversation about the topic. Your relationship with your grandfather has nothing to do with her. If she calls you, tell her you're not going to have this conversation and hang up.

I think the best thing to do would be to pretend she doesn't exist. You're not going to win with someone like her.
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Old 31st January 2019, 9:52 AM   #3
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Your aunt is nuts. I’d ignore her completely. Your grandfather obviously wants you both there so that should be all that matters.

You seem polite but if she tried to give me any crap at the party I’d tell her to go fck herself.
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Old 31st January 2019, 5:53 PM   #4
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Your aunt is nuts. I’d ignore her completely. Your grandfather obviously wants you both there so that should be all that matters.

You seem polite but if she tried to give me any crap at the party I’d tell her to go fck herself.
He does, He spoke to me this evening. Said He and my gran want me there. I said we'd pay for our own flights. He refused and said he wants to because we need to concentrate on getting back on our feet.

I don't talk to this aunt out of choice, but shes going on in the Whatsapp group at how my boyfriend wants an Irish passport because of the situation in the UK. We've never spoke about that or anything. The closest thing we got to discussing brexit was he stuck up for me when someone said to deport of the foreigners and "those Europeans".

Why can't my aunt see I'm happy!
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Old 31st January 2019, 6:00 PM   #5
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She does probably see that you’re happy and that’s what’s bothering her the most.

Some people are just miserable individuals and some of them sometimes are in our families. The fact that she’s using her time to discuss you should tell you all you need to know about her really.

You’re obviously more interesting than she is.
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Old 1st February 2019, 2:12 PM   #6
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She does probably see that you’re happy and that’s what’s bothering her the most.

Some people are just miserable individuals and some of them sometimes are in our families. The fact that she’s using her time to discuss you should tell you all you need to know about her really.

You’re obviously more interesting than she is.
I don't know why I am. I'm just me, I work and spend time with my boyfriend.

I wish she'd change the record. Apparently today I'm pregnant.

She really is unhinged.
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Old 1st February 2019, 6:14 PM   #7
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And they say America has prejudice problems. Wow. Well, obviously, you should please and cater to and accept invitations from the ones in the family who support and love you and NOT your hateful aunt. It seems to me whichever of your parents is her sibling should be stomping on her real hard right now and not leave that up to you, so what is the situation with that? Is your parent also not supporting this relationship, so this aunt knew she'd get away with that?
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Old 1st February 2019, 9:04 PM   #8
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You say that some other family members are defending you in the whatApp group so it seems they see her as crazy too. In which case you should just ignore her rantings and let her show her crazy ass as much as she wants too. She's just making herself look bad and digging her own hole. Let her do it. If you get into a word slinging match then you could end up looking bad too, so just take the high road and ignore her.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 3:14 AM   #9
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There's no way I would turn down your grandfather's kind gesture because of the crazy rantings from your aunt, especially if you need it. He is probably happy to be of help. I would go there, be cordial, and if she gives you any crap, tell her you won't tolerate being treated with such disrespect and avoid her. She sounds jealous, miserable, and hateful. Don't let her temper tantrums prevent everyone else from enjoying your presence.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 4:49 AM   #10
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And they say America has prejudice problems. Wow. Well, obviously, you should please and cater to and accept invitations from the ones in the family who support and love you and NOT your hateful aunt. It seems to me whichever of your parents is her sibling should be stomping on her real hard right now and not leave that up to you, so what is the situation with that? Is your parent also not supporting this relationship, so this aunt knew she'd get away with that?
My parents love my boyfriend, we go out and see them every few months and they love him. My mum is having a go at my aunt for this but apparently its falling on deaf ears.

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You say that some other family members are defending you in the whatApp group so it seems they see her as crazy too. In which case you should just ignore her rantings and let her show her crazy ass as much as she wants too. She's just making herself look bad and digging her own hole. Let her do it. If you get into a word slinging match then you could end up looking bad too, so just take the high road and ignore her.
When I was brought up my aunt tried to teach me that the only good Brit was a dead Brit, Never explained why this was so.

I put on the whatsapp group this morning that the diagnosis of my boyfriend and she said "Its time to walk and leave him to die in peace"
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Old 2nd February 2019, 6:34 AM   #11
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She sounds wretched. Who says things like that? Especially when he’s been through so much, the both of you really. That’s not love.

She may be saying things like these just to get a rise out of you. Your best defense may be just to take pity on her and to keep counting your blessings.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 9:50 AM   #12
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She sounds wretched. Who says things like that? Especially when he’s been through so much, the both of you really. That’s not love.

She may be saying things like these just to get a rise out of you. Your best defense may be just to take pity on her and to keep counting your blessings.
We have and we have a lot more to go through together. I don't need my aunt doing this.

I'm trying to keep it all going on my own. I've only got my cousin in the UK. She helps where she can but I don't need my aunt doing what shes doing.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 10:58 AM   #13
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Try not to let her bother you. I think the more you show that she’s getting to you the more she’ll keep doing it.

Would you be comfortable confronting her directly?
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Old 2nd February 2019, 11:10 AM   #14
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Try not to let her bother you. I think the more you show that she’s getting to you the more she’ll keep doing it.

Would you be comfortable confronting her directly?
I'm not going at her. I'm ignoring her. I just see what she writes.

At the minute no. My boyfriends been diagnosed and I don't want more negativity.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 11:54 AM   #15
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Oh I hope it’s not too bad and has a good chance at being controlled if not cured

xo

Can you leave the chat group where she keeps bashing you?
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