How to protect my daughter's half sister?

[Gaeta]

For those who don't know the dynamic here I have an adult daughter of 30. My daughter has a half-sister that just turned 14.

 

My daughter's dad, and the dad of her half-sister, died 4 years ago. Since he died my daughter makes it a duty to keep a close connection to her little sister. They come to my home often and I grew very attached and protective of her.

 

My ex-h's widow met a new man last year. My daughter asked her little sister if she liked him and she said 'he's ok' and added her mom told her the new boyfriend cannot move in with them until she is 18 and to keep this private. It left my daughter suspicious.

 

My daughter googled him and found out this man came out of jail in 2015 for sexually molesting an 11 years old (daughter of his gf at the time) and for sexually assaulting a 15 year old, just a kid he attacked in the streets. He is also forbidden to be alone around minors for the rest of his life.

 

From there we are all in a panic. We called the police and child protection. They met with him, met with her, and met in private with her little sister. They reported back to us that the mom knows of his past and is aware she cannot leave her daughter alone with him, and the child confirmed he had never touched her. As long as he doesn't try to touch her there is nothing we can do. File closed.

 

Last night my daughter came over in total shock. She had visited her sister on Sunday. While she was there chatting with the mom, her bf and her little sister, the boyfriend started saying things like : there is a lot criminals around even pedophiles, maybe there is one sitting next to her as she speaks! He said men should never be left alone with children, it's not natural for men to be around little girls so it's normal they prey on them when they get a chance, it's all normal!!!

 

My daughter did not want to let on she knew of his past, she told him pedophiles are sick in the head and there is no other explanation to it.

 

Now not only we know he's a predator that's been in jail but we know he considers his actions as 'normal'.

 

I don't know what's wrong with the mom!! he's her real first bf since my ex died. She's stunned or something!

 

Last night we called a friend that's a social worker, she said legally we still cannot do anything until he touches her.

 

* Talk to the mom but risk she blocks all of us

* Talk to him and risk the mom blocks all of us

 

Something we're not thinking about?

 

 

.

[BaileyB]

You did the right thing by calling the police and CFS. Unfortunately, our child protection system relies on the parent to have good judgment and limit the risk and protect the child - when a man is a convicted sexual offender and restrictions are put in place. Sadly, someone needs to protect this child from her parent.

 

I think your daughter should have a conversation with her sister if she is comfortable to provide some education - be sure that she knows that she should not be alone with this man and that she must report to her, or to the authorities, if this man ever says anything to make her uncomfortable and/or touches her inappropriately. Then, check in with her often.

 

If the authorities can not do anything, the best you can do is educate the child. Alert her to the danger, while trying not to scare her.

 

Also, I believe the child is old enough that she can appeal to the court to make decisions about her living situation. She does not have to stay in that home unless she wants to stay with her mother. That said, she likely doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation and the poor judgment that her mother is showing by allowing this man into their home. She may not be ready to take such a drastic step.

 

Some people just don't use the good sense that God gave them! A mother's primary job is to provide for the safety and security of her child. If this was my child, I would chase this man down the street with a baseball bat and file a restraining order such that he could never set foot in my yard again!

Edited July 10, 2018 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

I don't think she understands either. Some 14 year old are very 'aware' of these things but she is still very much a little girl with interest in reading and collecting comic books. She is also physically delicate and very soft spoken.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I know I said I'd never reply again,

But this is something I have to defend.

Bull****, you know it, and recidivism here is the key,

Dude has not one, but two charges, tell him to leave.

 

He can be rehabilitated all he wants. That's fine. Just let him be rehabilitated somewhere else with someone else.

[Gaeta]

I know I said I'd never reply again,

But this is something I have to defend.

Bull****, you know it, and recidivism here is the key,

Dude has not one, but two charges, tell him to leave.

 

He can be rehabilitated all he wants. That's fine. Just let him be rehabilitated somewhere else with someone else.

 

 

Was that meant for another thread because I am confused.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Was that meant for another thread because I am confused.

 

I definitely didn't read as closely as I should have.

 

I think you should say something and risk being blocked by the mom.

[Timshel]

Hi Gaeta, WOW, horrible situation. I'm very sorry for your daughter's sister.

 

 

I think you have said before that you have had a good relationship with your ex-husband's widow. If you do...me...I would invite her to coffee or lunch and briefly tell her your concerns and then sit back and let her talk.

I am personally very interested in her thought process of bringing this man around her child. I'm sure that this is not the action of the woman you thought her to be.

 

 

 

There isn't any excuse of course but where is she in her life to take a gamble like this?

 

 

I wonder if she has considered that a man who is attracted to children may not be with or around her for whatever charms she has. I wonder if she knows she is very likely a means to an end. Smh.

 

 

My advice would be to tell her what you think and if she doesn't like it, oh well. Tell her how important her daughter is to yourself and your daughter and though you have let her know how you feel, your highest priority is to maintain and protect this relationship.

 

 

Then only continue open communication with her daughter and let her know that both of you are unconditionally there for her, full stop.

 

 

Best wishes.

[preraph]

You should go ahead and report that new info and conversation to CPS. See, to pedophiles, it's natural, what they do. So they want everyone else to think it is too. You can't change them any more than someone could tell you you had to stop liking men and start liking women instead.

 

Just keep reporting to CPS anything you hear like that. They need to know the content. Put it in writing so you know they have to put it in the file, which means there's proof you told them and they need to act. What he said could be considered grooming, and CPS should know that. Make them act on it by writing it down and keeping a copy yourself.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

It's one thing to be falsely accused of some crap.

 

It's an entirely different ballgame when you've been convicted, twice, of sexual assault.

 

How this man survived prison/jail as a pedophile is beyond me. Even in there, you'd get shanked or beaten to a bloody pulp on a regular basis.

 

Tell the mom that she deserves better and to not put herself in such a precarious situation. If she chooses to stay with him, then I guess take every precaution to protect the children against a man who has already proven to take advantage of children.

[Gaeta]

You should go ahead and report that new info and conversation to CPS. See, to pedophiles, it's natural, what they do. So they want everyone else to think it is too. You can't change them any more than someone could tell you you had to stop liking men and start liking women instead.

 

Just keep reporting to CPS anything you hear like that. They need to know the content. Put it in writing so you know they have to put it in the file, which means there's proof you told them and they need to act. What he said could be considered grooming, and CPS should know that. Make them act on it by writing it down and keeping a copy yourself.

 

 

This is something I had not thought of !! I will mention this to my daughter. I did suggest we contact them again to add more info. At the time we dropped the idea as our social-worker friend confirmed there is nothing we can do until he makes a move. I think we should call child protection anyway. Thank you.

[AMarriedMan]

This is something I had not thought of !! I will mention this to my daughter. I did suggest we contact them again to add more info. At the time we dropped the idea as our social-worker friend confirmed there is nothing we can do until he makes a move. I think we should call child protection anyway. Thank you.

 

I agree. This is one of those times when CPS should be alerted. I don't understand how stupid your ex-husband's widow has to be to allow this man to live with her and her young daughter. Shouldn't the thought of being in a relationship with a twice-convicted sex offender make her sick to her stomach? Getting into a relationship with a single mom of a child reeks of putting himself in a position to groom the child. This is thoroughly disgusting. Sexual preferences do not change and if that man has gone to prison twice for acting on his pedophilia, you can rest assured that he has not ceased to be a pedophile. It should be completely obvious who he is fantasizing about when in bed with your ex-husband's widow.

[Miss Clavel]

call cps again. and again.

[Gaeta]

My daughter called again, and we're calling again today.

 

 

 

Last night my daughter picked up her sister for 4 days. As soon as her sister got in the car she said her mom's bf wants to buy guns and they all go live in the woods because the end of the world is near! She also told my daughter he lives there full time and he gave child protection a fake address cause he knows he's not allowed to live under the same roof as a 14 year old. Her little-sister agreed if she sees any guns in the house or anyone is preparing to escape from the city to call 911 and my daughter. I am afraid we will have to go at war with this one.

[anika99]

Wow! What is that poor girl's mother thinking bringing a man like that into her home? I admire that you and your adult daughter are trying hard to make sure no harm comes to the girl. I sure hope people listen to you and do something.

[Gaeta]

Wow! What is that poor girl's mother thinking bringing a man like that into her home? I admire that you and your adult daughter are trying hard to make sure no harm comes to the girl. I sure hope people listen to you and do something.

 

 

She has no family, her mother and sister both died in the last couple of years not too far after my ex died. Maybe that's why she lost all common sense, she lost so many people in a short period of time. So no one is watching over this woman who's obviously is suffering from something. Thank goodness her daughter has a support network through her big half-sister.

[anika99]

Oh that is lot of loss to suffer in a short period of time. Sounds like mom was in a very emotionally vulnerable state when this predator swooped in to make her feel better. She needs support too but she also needs to realize that her daughter lost all those people too. I sure hope mom comes to her senses before anything bad happens. That guy sounds like a nut job and could possibly do harm to both the daughter and the mom.

[PRW]

My daughter called again, and we're calling again today.

 

Last night my daughter picked up her sister for 4 days. As soon as her sister got in the car she said her mom's bf wants to buy guns and they all go live in the woods because the end of the world is near! She also told my daughter he lives there full time and he gave child protection a fake address cause he knows he's not allowed to live under the same roof as a 14 year old. Her little-sister agreed if she sees any guns in the house or anyone is preparing to escape from the city to call 911 and my daughter. I am afraid we will have to go at war with this one.

Yes. Time to go to war. There is nothing more I can say that hasn't been said, other than be another voice saying the same thing. Reading through this thread leaves a knot in my stomach.

[No_Go]

She has no family, her mother and sister both died in the last couple of years not too far after my ex died. Maybe that's why she lost all common sense, she lost so many people in a short period of time. So no one is watching over this woman who's obviously is suffering from something. Thank goodness her daughter has a support network through her big half-sister.

 

Yikes, that's terrible. My own mother went through a number of losses in the past few years thinking about her getting into some trouble like this makes me cringe. I myself got into RL with someone with a 'past' after suffering through a number of family losses in a short time.

 

I think it's important though to get the accurate picture. Can you or your daughter run a complete background check on the guy to see where he is registered etc?

 

These types of people (offenders) are usually scared from unwanted attention so making it very public that he lives there, frequent visitors etc may scare him away. The more ties he creates with people from the circles of his GF and step-daughter, the less likely is to do something scary.

 

I don't think it's a situation allowing to act directly. He needs to come jhimself to the conclusion he has to leave (but this can be facilitated )

[major_merrick]

Calling the cops does no good. Calling other agencies is useless. The best scenario out of that is that the poor girl gets removed...and then placed somewhere else to be molested. That's what happens. Do not trust the state!!!!

 

At 14, the girl is old enough to begin protecting herself. I was protecting my younger sister when I was that age. If there is enough time and access to this girl, start by purchasing some pepper spray for her. If she can get a knife and be trained to use it, that will help as well, along with some nonlethal self defense techniques. While she isn't legally able to own firearms, there's no reason she can't be trained to use them.

She'll never have to lay down for a molester if she can defend herself with force. At her age, she would never be prosecuted if there was clear evidence that she was defending herself against a creep.

 

One ex-partner of mine was in a situation just like this as a teenager. When her stepfather tried to rape her, she defended herself, got in his truck, and ran away. For her, it was the right choice. Make it clear to this young girl that if she needs to run, there's appropriate places for her to go. The minute she feels imminent danger, she should defend herself forcefully and run. Running away is only illegal in four states. In most places, if the girl runs away to her big sister, the authorities probably cannot force her to return, especially if there is an incident. Since the guy is a creep, it is doubtful that he would want to challenge her running away since his life would get looked at.

 

Cops are not the solution. ACTION and helping her take personal responsibility is the solution. At 14 she isn't helpless. Don't assume she is weak either when she can be helped to be strong.

[anduina]

My daughter called again, and we're calling again today.

 

 

 

Last night my daughter picked up her sister for 4 days. As soon as her sister got in the car she said her mom's bf wants to buy guns and they all go live in the woods because the end of the world is near! She also told my daughter he lives there full time and he gave child protection a fake address cause he knows he's not allowed to live under the same roof as a 14 year old. Her little-sister agreed if she sees any guns in the house or anyone is preparing to escape from the city to call 911 and my daughter. I am afraid we will have to go at war with this one.

This should be reported to CFS and the police. You want to paper his behavior.

[Gaeta]

At 14, the girl is old enough to begin protecting herself. I was protecting my younger sister when I was that age. If there is enough time and access to this girl, start by purchasing some pepper spray for her. If she can get a knife and be trained to use it, that will help as well, along with some nonlethal self defense techniques. While she isn't legally able to own firearms, there's no reason she can't be trained to use them.

She'll never have to lay down for a molester if she can defend herself with force. At her age, she would never be prosecuted if there was clear evidence that she was defending herself against a creep.

 

One ex-partner of mine was in a situation just like this as a teenager. When her stepfather tried to rape her, she defended herself, got in his truck, and ran away. For her, it was the right choice. Make it clear to this young girl that if she needs to run, there's appropriate places for her to go. The minute she feels imminent danger, she should defend herself forcefully and run. Running away is only illegal in four states. In most places, if the girl runs away to her big sister, the authorities probably cannot force her to return, especially if there is an incident. Since the guy is a creep, it is doubtful that he would want to challenge her running away since his life would get looked at.

 

Cops are not the solution. ACTION and helping her take personal responsibility is the solution. At 14 she isn't helpless. Don't assume she is weak either when she can be helped to be strong.

 

 

We live in Canada so nothing of this would be legally possible. Arms are illegal, assault knife the same even pepper spray is illegal.

[Gaeta]

I think it's important though to get the accurate picture. Can you or your daughter run a complete background check on the guy to see where he is registered etc?

Yes child support and the police gave us all the details.

 

These types of people (offenders) are usually scared from unwanted attention so making it very public that he lives there, frequent visitors etc may scare him away. The more ties he creates with people from the circles of his GF and step-daughter, the less likely is to do something scary.

Funny you say that. When we called child support the first time they were living 3 hours away. Shortly after we learn they had moved about 1 hour away from us. Good for my daughter so now she can go get her more often and keep her longer. He can run anywhere he wants his 'offenders' file follows him. We've learn he thinks his sister called child protection on him. He doesn't suspect my daughter. This guy must be BAD if his own sister is chasing him down through child protection!

[amaysngrace]

I was going to suggest pepper spray too but in that case I'd get a whistle for her. The loudest, most ear-piercing one money can buy.

 

Even a car remote with a panic button would work.

[anika99]

[i do think just giving a weapon to a 14 yr old who may be in danger and telling her to defend herself would be pretty irresponsible. Calling the police and child welfare is the right way to go at this point. They may not be able to do much at first but there needs to be a trail of legal documentation started because the more ducumentation and history they have on a person the more empowered they are to take action.

Edited August 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
leading off topic

[BaileyB]

Oh goodness, I would NEVER give a child a weapon with the expectation that she must protect herself from a child predator in that way.

 

I think it’s wise to talk with her to make sure she knows never to be alone with this man and teach her how to get away/who to call/talk with if he does anything inappropriate.