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Bi-coastal illnesses


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 1st March 2018, 9:05 PM   #1
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Bi-coastal illnesses

Ugh. I'm just venting.

Step MIL in Calif on bed rest with bad back, unable to walk in excruciating pain, waiting for diagnosis. Probably bursitis so not life threatening.

Bio MIL was in town for family wedding. Her baby sister has been ill & was rushed to ICU the day after wedding. I have been praying that she hung on until the bride & groom got home. They fly back tonight.

MIL did not have a return ticket. Plan was for her to stay for "a while." She told me her sister had last rites (a religious blessing right before death) yesterday then she flew home today but has been blowing up my phone about her dying sister. She doesn't pick up when I call her & texts back that she's annoyed with all the people who keep asking her how she is. I'm like if you don't want me to ask stop sending me 20 texts.

People made all sorts of decisions to provide extraordinary care to my husband's aunt & now she's unconscious but can't go to hospice because she has a feeding tube & is on a surgically implanted ventilation system. IMO they should have just kept her comfortable & let her pass with dignity in no pain. I gently suggested that when they called me the other day. All I said was what would she have wanted? This is just barbaric.

But I'm so annoyed, even though it's probably not my place to even have an opinion. Why did MIL fly home? Wouldn't you WANT to be there, to provide comfort, to assure your baby sister didn't die alone?

If it was me, I'd be there 24/7. That's what I did when my parents passed -- slept in the freakin' chair in the hospital. I don't feel like that is my place for my husband's aunt. But jeeze . . . I just don't understand.
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Old 1st March 2018, 10:34 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you are going through this...

As a side note, it is good to have a "Living Will". I did one with my father many years ago. He spelled out exactly what extraordinary or life saving/maintaining measures he wanted taken and for how long. We also talked about organ, tissue and cornea donation. I was surprised by his choices, so it was good that we sat down and filled out all of the paperwork. We got explanations for all of the terms and processes used, so educated decisions were properly made.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 6:22 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
As a side note, it is good to have a "Living Will".
I agree with you. At Christmas I asked DH's aunt if she had one or wanted me to help her arrange to get one. She said no.

DH & I have one & so do his father & step-mother. His mom doesn't think she needs one. Ugh. My parents both had them. I'm a big proponent because I hate to see anybody go through all the agony DH's aunt is in not to mention what dragging this out is doing to the family. I'm hoping DH's mother learns from this.
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Old 4th March 2018, 7:19 PM   #4
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Mil

Hi ! I am sorry for the situation that you are in. It is hard to understand why people act the way they do sometimes. Especially when that is not how you would handle the situation. The thing we have to remember is , that we can not control what they do or say. We are only responsible for ourselves. You can''t beat yourself up that you should be there or they should be there. You are not the one in control of the situation. The people that are have decided what they want to do and whether you agree with it or not you can't change it. It will be helpful for you if you can say to yourself. "This is not my decision it is theirs. I am only responsible for my reaction not theirs. " You have done right to express what you think now let it go and let them decide for themselves.

Take care!

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