[d0nnivain]

We (read I) send DH's family a present every year. It's the same thing -- a gift basket of food. They generally look forward to it.

This year, new SIL has been out of work for months for medical reasons. She asked me not to send anything. I tried to cancel the order but I'd made it weeks earlier. The company told me it was already in transit & couldn't be stopped.

I told her that. I also told her that she & BIL did not have to get us anything; all we want is for them to enjoy the gift "in good health." I sincerely mean that. I want her to feel better & I really don't care that they didn't get us anything.

Am I a bad person? Given our respective circumstances, while they won't say anything I fear that DH's family will see this as yet another example of me flaunting my lifestyle / education over them. I'm really not doing that & I hate their misguided perception of me.

[MsJayne]

I wouldn't worry, it was sent with the best intention. I send overseas and interstate family members gift baskets too, but I don't expect anything back and I don't care because the fun's in the giving. If she gets uppity about it maybe send her another one by way of apology for sending the first one.

[Art_Critic]

This is the time for giving.... your gift was given with good intentions and wasn't passive aggressive or meant to make a point...

Merry Christmas... it is that time of year and gifts don't need to be reciprocated.

[healing light]

If they read into it negatively, that's on them. It's a nice and thoughtful gesture that is likely especially needed this time around.

[mrs rubble]

"What other people think of you is none of your business"
You have done all you can to remedy the situation, your heart is in the right place and your intentions were good.
Be at peace.
Merry Christmas. 😊

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Are you a terrible person for sending an ill person a gift basket of food? Yes, just awful!

You did try to abort the mission, and told her as much, so if you still receive flack for it, it's on them.

[LurkerXX]

Same thing happened with my mom and one of my second cousins....second cousin has higher income, but has also been putting out family fires left and right, ie funding higher tier rehab for her nephew. She made the no gifts this year request from my mom, but order was already shipped out. It happens.

[Elswyth]

I really wouldn't worry about it. Such things happen...

[Miss Clavel]

"i m allowed to love you and show it regardless of where you work, if you work, where you live or how you live. suck it up".

if she brings it up again, suggest she give it away to someone less fortunate.