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I'm so annoyed with my dad

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Old 13th December 2017, 4:19 PM   #1
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I'm so annoyed with my dad

Hi, english is not my native language, so prob alot of weird grammar here.

I'm 26 years old, moved out from my parents 3 years ago to a different city, about an hour drive.

The last few years my dad has become really "weird". I can tell he's desperate to communicate with me. I guess he can't handle that I don't live home anymore.

- Everytime I visit my parents my dad HAS to express how nice it was that I'm there.

- Everytime I leave he always leaves a bag of trash to take out, so he can follow me to my car to see me to the very last second possible.

- After I have arrived and been there for an hour or so he slides right back to his old self from when I lived at home: looking at his iPad, watching TV and basically doing what he'd always do

- Sometimes I stay for a few days and have to do some laundry and hang up the clothes for drying, suddenly my dad has been hanging up my clothes differently so they don't get that wrinkly etc (good thought I'm sure), but this really pisses me off! It's like he's not letting me grow up.

- Always wants to help me out with the smallest things just to make sure to himself that he helps me. I guess he does this to get a feeling of helping "his little boy". I get really frustrated at this because I'm 26, I want to be an adult. He has done this so much that even him saying "drive safe, the roads i slippery" pisses me off.

- He calls me 1 - 2 times per week, and I swear I could record my answers and just hit play when he calls. It's the same old questions, he really dosen't care what he asks as long as he's talking to me. The convos goes pretty much one way, he asks me stuff and I respond with yes or no and maybe a simple sentence, I put no effort into these calls. And i can tell he's feeling it, so sometimes he thinks he's clever and waits a whole 8 days (!!) before calling.

- Everytime he calls he always asks me when I'm coming to visit.

- He has never been interessted in stuff that I'm interessted in, like tv shows, movies, games or music. But my mom loves tv shows and I'm always updating her on new shows I've been watching. And I can notice how my dad just blocks it all out, not interest at all listening to something I like or care about. Always wants his needs met.

- He calls me his little boy still. I'm 26 for christ sake, let me grow up!

I really want to have a good relationship with him, but I can't stand his "weak" behaviour, I'm getting so tired of this.

What can I do about this?
Does anyone reconize themself in any of this?

I can't help but feel like a rebelious teenager reading this post, but all I want is to have a good relationship with him and being an adult at the same time!

Thank you for any response here!
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Old 13th December 2017, 4:38 PM   #2
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I'd give anything to have even one of those problems with my father who died suddenly, on Christmas day, almost 11 years ago .

You say you're an adult to act like one - with patience for your father who is growing older and just misses you .
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Old 13th December 2017, 4:44 PM   #3
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Your Dad

My Dad has been dead for over 20 years, I wish I had your problem I miss him, my recommendation, meet him half way.

Train him, when he does something you want him to do make a good fuss about it, when he does something you don't like ignore it.
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:24 PM   #4
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My father also died and was absent completely emotionally all my life because of his chronic illness and workaholism. So when I read posts like this I just don't have much advice to offer since I see your father as being nice, engaged, and attempting to have a relationship with you.

You can't expect him to change his interests to yours--and even if he did, I suspect you would have less respect for him... since it appears that every other behavior where he tries to help you or cow tow to you makes you think less of him.

Maybe just express directly to him that you prefer to hang your own laundry and to complete certain chores on your own. That it makes you feel good and thus he doesn't have to worry about assisting you and he can enjoy XYZ.

As for him telling you to stay safe on the slippery roads--I think that's a standard farewell all across the world from someone who cares. I say something similar to that all the time if I even remotely give a **** about someone... and I live in California where it might get foggy at night but the roads are fine.

So... I feel like part of you is reaching for things to be annoyed and unhappy about. Try to make the most of your time with him while you still have him around. If you don't like what the two of you are doing in a room at any given moment, you are an adult now, like you said, so you could very well suggest a new activity that you might both enjoy.
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:54 PM   #5
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Thank you the responses!

You all gave me an eye opener. I guess I might take him a bit for granted.

I will follow your advice and talk to him about it.

Like I said I felt like a rebelious teenager writing this, so I guess I was more aware of this than I thought ..

I'm sorry for all your losses, I'll make sure to not take my dad for granted.

Thank you all again.
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