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One year relationship... Is it still love or just being comfortable?


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Old 29th November 2017, 9:04 AM   #1
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One year relationship... Is it still love or just being comfortable?

Hi all, this is my first time posting on a forum but I have found myself in a dilemma and I need some advice. I have been dating a man for almost a year now, we have lived together for most of our relationship in my house with my two kids that adore him. In the beginning things were perfect writing eachother I love you's all day, bringing me flowers, telling me I'm his favorite person in the world. But for the past few months now all that has stopped, he no longer takes the time to do those sweet things anymore that let's me know that I'm still what he wants. Nothing but blank stares, an attitude, and the occasional sex which is nice but doesn't feel as passionate as it once was. I know people go through a "honeymoon" phase in the beginning of all relationships but what are the boundaries of an ending honeymoon phase and a man just not being into it anymore. I know he loves me but is that enough?
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Old 29th November 2017, 9:45 AM   #2
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Love is quiet & strong. It's about being there through the boring stuff & the bad stuff. All that romance is lovely but unsustainable long term. If you get some of it occasionally count your blessings.
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Old 29th November 2017, 10:49 AM   #3
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Thanks, your right.
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Old 30th November 2017, 10:28 AM   #4
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It is a normal life. There is no possibility honeymoon dure an eternity, but you can remind him what you need.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 9:43 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelbygt500 View Post
Hi all, this is my first time posting on a forum but I have found myself in a dilemma and I need some advice. I have been dating a man for almost a year now, we have lived together for most of our relationship in my house with my two kids that adore him. In the beginning things were perfect writing eachother I love you's all day, bringing me flowers, telling me I'm his favorite person in the world. But for the past few months now all that has stopped, he no longer takes the time to do those sweet things anymore that let's me know that I'm still what he wants. Nothing but blank stares, an attitude, and the occasional sex which is nice but doesn't feel as passionate as it once was. I know people go through a "honeymoon" phase in the beginning of all relationships but what are the boundaries of an ending honeymoon phase and a man just not being into it anymore. I know he loves me but is that enough?
The bolded is a concern. What sort of attitude?

On another note, why did you have this man move in so soon, especially with children in the mix?
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:01 PM   #6
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What sort of attitude? Why move in so quickly?

Dear posters thankyou for all of responses and advice this has truly helped me. To answer the first question of what sort of attitude basically we have arguments and disagreements at times and when I do talk to him about needing more love he accuses me of being insecure and maybe I am at times but I feel that he should take time out of his day like I do to let me know that I am what he still wants and loves. Also why he moved in so quickly is because we just fell head over heels in love and wanted to be together all the time. My children loved him and actually asked him if he would be their dad it was so cute but in a way made me feel bad as a mother thier real dad has never been there and I was worried at first how this would pan out but it all worked out OK.
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Old 8th December 2017, 3:56 PM   #7
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You moved in with a man you barely knew and now you see his true nature. Moving into a relationship too fast often will kill the magic especially the living-in routine. If you go from meeting a man to washing his underwear yes it will kill the romance pretty fast.

Yes the honeymoon phase will end at some point but it should be replace with love, patience, respect, complicity, and still a will to make the other happy. It sounds like your boyfriend is taking you for granted.

After a few months of dating my bf I offered him we moved in together. He was afraid that the routine would kill what had just started between us so he asked to date for another year or so and see. We've been dating 2 years now and I am so glad he was wise enough to not fall in that trap of moving in right away. After 2 years we are still in our honeymoon phase, I get compliments each day, we travel, he's attentive and loving. I doubt it would still be like this if we had moved in together after 6 months like I had offered.

Your solution? have him move out and go back to dating each other.
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Old 8th December 2017, 4:21 PM   #8
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You moved in with a man you barely knew and now you see his true nature. Moving into a relationship too fast often will kill the magic especially the living-in routine. If you go from meeting a man to washing his underwear yes it will kill the romance pretty fast.

Yes the honeymoon phase will end at some point but it should be replace with love, patience, respect, complicity, and still a will to make the other happy. It sounds like your boyfriend is taking you for granted.

After a few months of dating my bf I offered him we moved in together. He was afraid that the routine would kill what had just started between us so he asked to date for another year or so and see. We've been dating 2 years now and I am so glad he was wise enough to not fall in that trap of moving in right away. After 2 years we are still in our honeymoon phase, I get compliments each day, we travel, he's attentive and loving. I doubt it would still be like this if we had moved in together after 6 months like I had offered.

Your solution? have him move out and go back to dating each other.
Agreed.

Although there is a level of comfort and routine that sets in with any long term relationship regardless if you're living together or not, it doesn't mean you should stop making an effort.

The honeymoon phase doesn't have to disappear as quickly as it often does or even at all. It's very natural for it to shift and change the more time you are together but it shouldn't mean the death of romance either. It's all dependent on the two people in the relationship and how important keeping love and romance alive is to them, honeymoon or not.

His response to you expressing your concerns kind of says it all. It no longer appears to be a priority for him. Had you spent more time getting to know one another and learning what life as a couple is like outside your love bubble you might have figured a few things about him and yourself that might have deterred you from taking this big step.

What to do now? Gaeta might be right. Go back to living separately and try dating again and see how it goes. It will be interesting to know what he thinks about that.

Good luck.
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