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My sister constantly picks arguments with me?

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Old 25th November 2017, 2:49 PM   #1
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My sister constantly picks arguments with me?

I work full time at a bar. I've had 10 to 5 and 5 to close with barely any respite. I worked this morning and I have a shift tomorrow (Sunday) too, and then Monday, and I feel quite drained.

I'm serving myself dinner with the rest of the family downstairs. She comes down and asks everyone if they wanted her to get them something for breakfast tomorrow morning. I told her 'no, thanks' and she just gives me some whispered back-chat. She tells me: 'Fine... so ungrateful'.
I've dealt with this kind of **** for years now - luckily enough she studies away from home, so she only comes back ones every couple of weeks, but she tries everything in her power to get under my skin. We'll have an argument and then she'll act all lovely-dovely when we next see eachother, and I'm sick to death with it. She's a two-faced, obnoxious, self-centered bitch - harsh, but fair.

My mum was down there with us when it happened she did nothing, in fact she gave me grief telling me 'I work all week, blablabla, you shouldn't be so unfair with her, etc...'

I'm at a point in my life where I have to live in my parent's house, so I get some money together and move out.
What can I do?
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Old 26th November 2017, 12:11 AM   #2
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First, you need to not give her that kind of power over you. You can't let things she does bother you. And the incident that you're describing seems pretty insignificant. Mildly annoying, maybe. But it's something that you should have been able to forget about two minutes later.

Don't expect your mother to intervene in these petty little jabs you throw at each other. I'm guessing here that your "No thanks" was curt and it annoyed your sister that you responded that way when she was offering to do something nice for you.

Turn your hatred for her into indifference. Just stop caring. And you can try being nicer to her just to keep things civil. The rest of your family will appreciate it. They surely don't like being around the two of you when you fight. You just have to grin and bear it until you move out.
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Old 26th November 2017, 1:36 PM   #3
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It's not that it's insignificant, but the accumulation of incidents (I think that's what op is saying?). The mom usually knows everyone so that probably why she did nothing. I'd probably ask (the sis)if she has problems and offer to help. At the same time telling her not to pick on you. Maybe helping her can make her see her wrongs?
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Old 27th November 2017, 11:43 AM   #4
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Well playing devils advocate, perhaps your sister got snarky with you because she felt rejected. She only comes home every two weeks and so she wants to connect with her family and spend time with them. She offered to something nice for everyone by getting breakfast and you just brushed her off. My guess is you hurt her feelings and she responded by trying to hurt you back.

Not sure what your work schedule has to do with anything. You work full time at a job that requires you to work weekends and evenings and so you're tired. Is that it? Well join the club, that's life. I worked at a bar for years so I know the crazy hours involved, but it's not that draining when you're young and it doesn't make you special or mean that your life is harder somehow. Maybe the next time your sister offers to do something you could look at it as her reaching out to you and wanting to connect. If you have to say no then look her in her eyes and do it with kindness.
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Old 28th November 2017, 6:50 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Sgthaytham View Post
She comes down and asks everyone if they wanted her to get them something for breakfast tomorrow morning. I told her 'no, thanks' and she just gives me some whispered back-chat. She tells me: 'Fine... so ungrateful'.
Just treat her like you would treat anyone else who is ridiculously insecure.

One way to go is going to cost you too much Energy, time and attention, so really don't do it unless it will help with building your own self-esteem: look for and exaggerate the positive in everything she does. Using this as an example, you might have gone all, "Oh, Sis, that is so kind and thoughtful of you. I wish that I could be more like you."

Another way. "Uh...I think we have different ideas of what 'ungrateful' means. How, in your mind, was I showing 'ungratefulness' just now?"

A third way. Honestly examine why you just said 'no, thanks' and chose not to also add, "I'm totally beat and I want to sleep in." Or, why you didn't say, "That'll be great, thanks - I'm totally beat but it'll be nice to have whenever I surface tomorrow."
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter
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