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moving my mom? or not?

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Old 31st October 2017, 10:02 AM   #1
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moving my mom? or not?

just looking for some opinions and thoughts. i'm can't get any new perspective. my mom is 75. i lost my dad a few years back. i'm one of 2 kids, my bro is schizophrenic and often homeless, so he's not in any position to help. my mom is healthy and mobile with no medical issues, but she has expressed the desire to live with someone now as she ages. well... there is only me, so i guess that means me. that's fine, but we have a dilemma. we live in different states. she loves her state very much and i love my 100K job (i don't like where i live but obviously have an amazing paycheck). i have offered to buy her a home in her state - she has been looking at homes for 5 months now and finds a problem with all of them, even beautiful ones. i think because she doesn't really want to be alone in a house? i'm not sure. she has asked me if i can move to her, which i would be willing to do, but my job isn't something i can transfer or do at all where she lives. so i'd be moving to complete unemployment and would have to leave everything, and she cannot support us both. she has said she'll move to where i am, but she really doesn't like my location (a really gigantic city) and i don't want her miserable. i'm at a loss. where are you parents? what do you do with a situation like this?
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:41 PM   #2
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She's only 75 and in good health, why does she sound like she's given up on life so much? Wanting to live with someone? She should be out dating, she is still young!

Anyway, if she wants to live with you, she'll need to move to you. It isn't in any way reasonable for her to want you to leave your job to move to where she is.

Also a house for one person sounds like a very bad idea, they cost a lot of time and money to maintain and why does she need that much space? Maybe an apartment would suit her better? Like one of those 55+ places so that she can meet new people.
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:47 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by newmoon View Post
what do you do with a situation like this?
you need your job and paycheck. tell her to move in with you. also, tell her that you're dating so she should expect sleepovers. maybe she'll cook you some good food?
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Old 31st October 2017, 4:11 PM   #4
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Tell her that you can't change jobs & you need the income. Offer to buy a two family house or mother/daughter set up (everybody has their own entrances, bedrooms, bathrooms & kitchens) but you are right there in an emergency or if you enjoy having dinner together. Gather some info about local senior activities & doctors. Present that to her when you make the pitch but avoid moving to her unless you can get a job there. Do take a peek at the job market by her just so you can say you tried.

Go with her to look at over 55 communities or adult living situations. They are different then assisted living but are more high end independent dorm rooms with built in activities & lots of communal activities. Maybe she would enjoy something like that.
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Old 31st October 2017, 5:14 PM   #5
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Buy her a dog.
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Old 31st October 2017, 5:34 PM   #6
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It sounds like she doesn't want to be alone and your work situation is understandable. There are quite a few places that are being built specifically for the elderly so they can stay active. It's not a home per say, but a community that offers very nice amentities. Maybe she would like to look into something like that so she can continue to be independent and stay active. All the best to you and her :-)
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Old 2nd November 2017, 3:36 PM   #7
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Is she living in a 55+ subdivision? The ones I know of have lots to do and people get together all the time for activities. Maybe look into buying her a horse at one of these places.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 8:52 AM   #8
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I meant house!!!
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Old 3rd November 2017, 11:14 AM   #9
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I find it either selfish of your mom or she is not entirely rational of thought on this.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
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