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Sister wants me to buy expensive gifts for nephew. Am I wrong for saying no?

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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:47 AM   #1
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Sister wants me to buy expensive gifts for nephew. Am I wrong for saying no?

I recently graduated college and just started my first post grad job a couple of months ago. I'm making 18.50 an hour be fore taxes and this is the first real job I've ever had. I noticed that since I started working, my sister has been asking me to buy my 3 year old nephew expensive gifts. She'll send me links to iPads, expensive shoes, and other things. I have yet to get anything that she asks because for one I am trying to save my money. I'm currently living with my parents and so half of my paycheck automatically goes to savings. My sister keeps pestering me about buying my nephew $60 dollar shoes, which I don't even feel comfortable spending that much on myself let alone a 3 year old who is going to outgrow them in a couple of months! I told her I'd get them for him for Christmas and she was like " no I already have a list of things I want you to get him, besides these are ONLY 60"! And then she sent me a link to an $100 toy.! I was hoping to spend a max of $50 on him for Christmas ( I have to budget to give other people gifts). She has also asked me to give her $200 for his daycare, this was before I even got my first paycheck!!! For reference, she is 36 and I am 23. I love my nephew to death but I'm not a very materialistic person and don't feel like my love should be quantified in how much I spend on him. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I nicely tell my sister this.

Last edited by Tallgirl91; 23rd October 2017 at 5:56 AM..
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:57 AM   #2
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"sorry but I can not afford it"...

unless your sister is dominant, she should accept that, if she is dominant, take no notice of it, she will know where she stands anyway
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Old 23rd October 2017, 6:33 AM   #3
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What?! No way. You are 23 years old! You are not making a lot of money! I am 44 and don't even spend $50 on my niece and nephew's Christmas gifts. And I don't buy them things throughout the year very often. They have parents and grandparents for that!

You should not feel guilty at all for saying no. You don't owe her anything.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 6:48 AM   #4
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Hi Tallgirl91,

Seriously .... why do people (ie. your sister) think they can dictate to others (i.e. you) how much you should be spending on anyone?

I am a bit gobsmacked as to your sister's attitude to be honest - it seems to be a "give give give" attitude.

What happened to bringing children up to be grateful for what they receive?

I totally agree with darkmoon - just tell her you cannot afford such amounts to be spent on presents and you will deal with getting your own presents without such selfish, greedy hints from her (well, maybe not say the last bit ... but you know what I mean!!).

Please stand your ground on this .... the more you give the more your sister will take.

As Christmas is fast approaching, I am always amazed at the amount of ads. splashed about for "this year's must have toys" - er, no, they are not MUST HAVES!!!

I have always been appreciative for anything that anyone has given me .... I was brought up in a non-materialistic way and I am so grateful for that - there are things so much more important in life - such as the genuine love of someone.

So ... stand your ground and so "NO" ..... from your post you sound a lovely person - but stick up for yourself - there are far more important things in life to be thinking about/buying than expense gifts!

Good luck!
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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:40 PM   #5
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Tell the truth. "I'm sorry, I love you and your son, but this is my first job and I have to save some money." Maybe she will be mad at you at the beginning, but I'm sure she will understand after some time. Just don't affraid of telling no.
If I made any grammatical errors, please let me know.

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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:45 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
"sorry but I can not afford it"...
^^^ this
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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:49 PM   #7
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Just say you can't afford it. Don't mention that you are saving. She is not a saver so she wouldn't understand anyway.

A gift is a voluntary thing, not a mandatory thing. You give what you want that you can afford.

Since your sister seems materialistic & someone who knows the cost of everything but the value of nothing, I suggest you look into getting a groupon account. Perhaps you will be able to get the kid something off her unreasonable list but at a discount. Following her list may preserve family harmony. If she won't cause a scene if you go off script, get whatever you want. The kid is 3. He'll probably enjoy playing with the box more anyway.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:51 PM   #8
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my brother and sil want us to work from an approved list of gifts - it makes the parent feel in control of what the kids are getting as gifts. they are controlling parents and your sister is likely one as well. a controller. in my case they ask that we don't spend over a certain amount, so the reverse of your situation. i'm sure you want to give to your nephew, so tell her items will need to be within a reasonable budget, or be substituted for what you can afford. so if she asks for an ipad, say "i can't afford an ipad but a $15 leap pad computer, will that work?" every time she asks, suggest a cheaper alternative. you're smart for knowing your spending limit and should express it to her in a way that doesn't cause strife between family, but makes your point about having a budget.

Last edited by newmoon; 23rd October 2017 at 12:53 PM..
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:00 PM   #9
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Yep, a simple "I cant afford it" should suffice.

She will keep asking until you put a stop to it. Sure, he's your nephew, but he's her son. Buying those things are her responsibility.



Every single time.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:01 PM   #10
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Stick to your guns and don't allow this thing to get traction or she will have her hand out even more.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:45 PM   #11
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That is very weird that she expects you to pay for her kids child care and shoes and stuff.

I mean if it comes to gift suggestions, if they were a little more than you were expecting to spend, then don't take it too personally, she may just think your budget is a little higher than you were planning. But an IPad is not a normal request from one person. At least one who isn't rich.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:55 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Whodatdog View Post
an easy phrase that very few americans can actually utter out loud.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:11 PM   #13
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Why is she directing you to purchase things for her child?

Can she not afford to buy her child what she would like him to have?

Where is the child's father? Does he know she is hitting up her little sister to supplement her son's living expenses?

Sounds like the kid has food and shelter and your sister is acting like a spoiled brat.

Gifts are GIFTS. As in things you want to GIVE. You don't demand that someone buy gifts! Gifts are about the JOY OF GIVING - and she is ruining all joy by her selfish demands isn't she?

This sounds totally unreasonable.

Last edited by RecentChange; 23rd October 2017 at 3:13 PM..
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:17 PM   #14
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You have nothing to apologize for so don't even say you're sorry. Just say "I can't afford it" Case closed. Do not allow her to push you around or manipulate you into buying something you cannot afford.
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Old 8th November 2017, 8:30 AM   #15
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Your sister sounds like an entitled spoiled brat expecting you to buy your nephew so many and expensive gifts. Just tell her that you can't afford it and your nephew will get a present at Xmas time and it'll be something that you know he'll love and enjoy without HER input (aka materialistic idea)!

Is she married? I'm betting her husband doesn't know she's doing this.
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