BJP56 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 I met a girl who feels very intimidated by my family. My dad and mom both give her weird looks which makes her feel like a burden and unwelcome. I have personally witnessed what she is talking about and feel a bit upset and angry. I dont know how to tell her its ok and you are welcome to be here. I almost feel like I cant bring any GF let alone any friends over with this kind of behavior going on in the house. She doesnt want to come around, and I feel its ruining it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Have you spoke to your parents about this to figure out why they are giving her looks? You need to remedy the problem, not try to smooth it over after she's already upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Yep...Philosoraptor is right. You said yourself you've witnessed why she does not feel welcome. To tell her that she really, actually is welcome is to tell her that her accurate perception, feeling is somehow not accurate...that's just creating falsity instead of acknowledging the reality. Her perception, feeling is NOT wrong, why try to make it wrong? You do not need to let your parents ruin your relationships and friendships...that's only going to happen if you stubbornly insist on bringing your g/f home. It would be wiser, until you have your parents support and promise to treat your friends properly, to find some other place to hang out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) Why do your parents not welcome her? Both your parents. What is their reason? It is their home. Are you an adult? Parents don't change. You can be living on your own if you are an adult. If you are a minor then your parents have a right to approve or not who you bring into their house. I have two daughters and every boy was not welcome. None who touched drugs, alcohol or I viewed as irresponsible as it pertained to my daughters' safety. If your parents are just 'cold', then explain it to this girl. Just about every family is wonky in some way. Your parents are always your parents. They just are who they are. Depending on your age, there is a point where your first responsibility is to your partner and you can't let your parents damage that relationship. Edited January 24, 2014 by Eau Claire 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 It's time you learn to deal with your parents so no one has to put up with their strange judgy behavior. It's all part of growing up. Don't expect anyone to want to be around that. Plus you get a black mark in a girl's mind for not taking care of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I met a girl who feels very intimidated by my family. My dad and mom both give her weird looks which makes her feel like a burden and unwelcome. I have personally witnessed what she is talking about and feel a bit upset and angry. I dont know how to tell her its ok and you are welcome to be here. I almost feel like I cant bring any GF let alone any friends over with this kind of behavior going on in the house. She doesnt want to come around, and I feel its ruining it for me. If they really have a problem with her and it's done on purpose, this is a passive-agressive form of establishing dominance over your life, which may be good or bad, depending on your age. If you are an adult, you will need to fix this, by establishing a rule to stop doing this [rule towards them], and not towards the girl to 'bear with it'. If you go with the latter, you will either have a string of unsucesfull relationships [leading to one with a girl your parents passive approve of], or you will find a girl with such little self-esteem that being put down by your parents won't even register. Link to post Share on other sites
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