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What should my girlfriend do about a controlling mother?


Broncos38

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Well my girlfriend is upset cause her mom doesn't let her take shower without her mom around. She used to have bad seizures. But her seizures are under control with a nerve stimulator. My girlfriend has to wait until her mom is around even though her dad and brothers around And also its not even doctors orders. Her mom went to a convention for 5 days wouldn't let take a shower while she got back. My girlfriend is 33 years old. MY girlfriend cannot drive. Her mom brought up her money, disability and her past experiences. And my girlfriend snapped at her mom. And her mom treats her like a kid and down talk to her. And my girlfriend waits on her mom hand and foot and expects it all the time Does all the chores and gets no help with her older brothers. Her mom expects too much out of her all the time. Also her mom criticizes of what she wears. Her mom asks her what she is doing with me. And one day she got tattled on by the bank and the community. My girlfriend told me that there is spies in town cause everyone knows her. My said she has no freedom cause of how her mom treats her. This whole thing upsets. She has a hard time even asking her mom about certain things. My girlfriend and her mom used to be buddies but not anymore. Please help us, thanks...

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I think you should tell your girlfriend about this site, and encourage her to post her story here if she's looking for help.

 

That would make it easier, no?

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Your girlfriend needs to get away from her mother. It is the only thing that will work in this case.

 

I had to leave my parents house because they were stifling me and treating me like a slave. I had enough.

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Until your girlfriend wants to get away from her mother, there is nothing you can do. It is in your girlfriend's hands to leave when/if she is able.

 

You can be her moral support, but nothing else. It has to come from her.

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If she was a teenager, this story would make more sense.

 

She is 33. It is her decision to let her mother control her. If she won't take a shower for 5 days while her mother is gone, she has some major issues and you should decide whether you really want to sign up for that.

 

If you do, you have to do so with the understanding that your girlfriend is choosing this relationship with her mother.

 

If she were here instead of you, I would tell her to find her own place and start building an independent life. Nothing is going to change until she does. She has to replace all the controls her mother has over her with self-controls.

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ned. I talked to my mother today, during our swimming time, needless to say it did not go well. She ended up blowing-up in my face, and with both of us in tears at the end, and my father-getting in on it after my mom told him(after I mentioned to her, that I was thinking of seeing a psychiatrist in order to get help to talk to her easier). All that I tried to ask is that she give my brothers more jobs around the house, was that really too much too ask?? I know they work outside the house, but they really could do more AROUND the house AS WELL, I know my 36-year old brother does some simple tasks around the house, but they aren't everyday chores. The kind he does is just cleaning the cat litter(an occasional job, which our dad does normally anyway), and shoveling snow (a more seasonal job-and depends on the weather). My 47 year-old brother(he had his own place before he moved back in a few days before Christmas 2012) sometimes helps with the dishes and laundry (he does his own, but he helps with ours when I'm not around-sometimes he'll fold the towels, but I've been doing that as I take them out of the dryer lately and sort my mom's clothes out of the whites.) I don't think asking for more help from my brothers is asking a lot. I love my mother & father and will be forever grateful for the times they were there for me through my medical problems, but I want to move forward with my life. If she truly wants me to be happy like she has said she does "Why the emotional roadblock?"

 

By trekee... on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 8:07pm REPLY

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